First Post
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Hello
This is my first post, having been signposted by the LFF helpline.
My Dad was arrested in April 2013, which I know is a long time ago, but it's changed our lives for ever. Things got better and were good, grief grows around you and you learn to live with it. I do still see Dad because he and Mum still live together. I'm civil and that's it really.
A few weeks ago my Mum's neighbour got cross about a very minor, insignificant issue in the cul-de-sac and shouted at me. Mum spoke to him and he said some very hurtful things to her that indicated he knows about my Dad's offences. He was a police officer at the time. It's all come flooding back, hence calling the helpline and reaching out on here. It's come to a head at work this week where I absolutely lost it with my line manager over having to work with a new colleague whom reminds me of my dad and I find his characteristics triggering. I completely get that triggers are my responsibility and I need to manage them and find ways to do that. Anyway, LM kept asking me what the problem was so he had some context and could help, but I couldn't tell him because I just feel I can't tell people about this so he said he couldn't help me and started talking about the disciplinary process and HR and being relocated to a different area of the organisation. He is the most supportive manager I've ever had and I get why he had to say that and that he was hugely frustrated and I was angry and saying inappropriate things.
I called my best friend who is amazing and supportive, and we met my LM in the afternoon together and talked about it and I was honest about the problem. My LM, who is amazing, thanked me for giving him the context and now he understood a lot more and we agreed a way forward.
I'm exhausted though. I went to my GP this morning and cried my eyes out and she signed me off. I can't be there. I don't have it in me. I then phoned my line manager to tell him and I told him the whole story from the beginning. He was so kind and said just stay away from work and focus on you, it's too much to manage all at once. I'm so angry this has come to the fore again. Life was good. Maybe it can be again when I get through this?
I've been reluctant to post as I don't want to make people feel hopeless that 11 years later it can still have an impact. I feel a bit useless. I've got amazing support: therapist, GP, LM, friends, Mum but it feels really hard still. It's already been helpful reading on here people's experiences that I can relate to and that people feel the same.
Thank you for reading.
This is my first post, having been signposted by the LFF helpline.
My Dad was arrested in April 2013, which I know is a long time ago, but it's changed our lives for ever. Things got better and were good, grief grows around you and you learn to live with it. I do still see Dad because he and Mum still live together. I'm civil and that's it really.
A few weeks ago my Mum's neighbour got cross about a very minor, insignificant issue in the cul-de-sac and shouted at me. Mum spoke to him and he said some very hurtful things to her that indicated he knows about my Dad's offences. He was a police officer at the time. It's all come flooding back, hence calling the helpline and reaching out on here. It's come to a head at work this week where I absolutely lost it with my line manager over having to work with a new colleague whom reminds me of my dad and I find his characteristics triggering. I completely get that triggers are my responsibility and I need to manage them and find ways to do that. Anyway, LM kept asking me what the problem was so he had some context and could help, but I couldn't tell him because I just feel I can't tell people about this so he said he couldn't help me and started talking about the disciplinary process and HR and being relocated to a different area of the organisation. He is the most supportive manager I've ever had and I get why he had to say that and that he was hugely frustrated and I was angry and saying inappropriate things.
I called my best friend who is amazing and supportive, and we met my LM in the afternoon together and talked about it and I was honest about the problem. My LM, who is amazing, thanked me for giving him the context and now he understood a lot more and we agreed a way forward.
I'm exhausted though. I went to my GP this morning and cried my eyes out and she signed me off. I can't be there. I don't have it in me. I then phoned my line manager to tell him and I told him the whole story from the beginning. He was so kind and said just stay away from work and focus on you, it's too much to manage all at once. I'm so angry this has come to the fore again. Life was good. Maybe it can be again when I get through this?
I've been reluctant to post as I don't want to make people feel hopeless that 11 years later it can still have an impact. I feel a bit useless. I've got amazing support: therapist, GP, LM, friends, Mum but it feels really hard still. It's already been helpful reading on here people's experiences that I can relate to and that people feel the same.
Thank you for reading.
I am so sorry that you find yourself here, but I feel you have come to the right place for support from this forum.
I am pleased that you have a supportive network around you, including your therapist,your mum and friends. It must have been a shock when your parents neighbour bought back the memories by his unkind comments. The support you have around you will help you work through this which I don't feel is uncommon with past trauma being triggered again (in your case by the neighbour)
I am sad that as a retired police officer he should have know better than behaving the way he has towards you and your mum, it is really quite shocking.
I am sending you compassion and peace your way.
I am pleased that you have a supportive network around you, including your therapist,your mum and friends. It must have been a shock when your parents neighbour bought back the memories by his unkind comments. The support you have around you will help you work through this which I don't feel is uncommon with past trauma being triggered again (in your case by the neighbour)
I am sad that as a retired police officer he should have know better than behaving the way he has towards you and your mum, it is really quite shocking.
I am sending you compassion and peace your way.
This is a blip in your journey.
You did come through it once & will do again.
It's rubbish that an ex professional has been so unprofessional about the situation.
Love & light to you all.
You did come through it once & will do again.
It's rubbish that an ex professional has been so unprofessional about the situation.
Love & light to you all.
Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm going through the same thing again, 7 years later and it's been horrendous the whole way through. So I understand somewhat about the passage of time.
I'm just going to say this and hope you take it in the way it's meant. Ever since I had The Knock 7 years ago, I've become extremely physically ill. I also have PTSD to the point that I rarely leave home and find it extremely difficult to deal with people. As such, I haven't been able to work. Being on benefits because of what he did absolutely destroys me. I hear you that you are under a great deal of emotional strain at the moment. However, please don't let him take any more from you. Don't let it seep any further into your life. Hold onto your job, get reasonable adjustments if you can and hold your head up high. I guess what I mean is, don't let it drag you down like it has for me. Much love. Xx
I'm just going to say this and hope you take it in the way it's meant. Ever since I had The Knock 7 years ago, I've become extremely physically ill. I also have PTSD to the point that I rarely leave home and find it extremely difficult to deal with people. As such, I haven't been able to work. Being on benefits because of what he did absolutely destroys me. I hear you that you are under a great deal of emotional strain at the moment. However, please don't let him take any more from you. Don't let it seep any further into your life. Hold onto your job, get reasonable adjustments if you can and hold your head up high. I guess what I mean is, don't let it drag you down like it has for me. Much love. Xx