I don't want to know everything
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Hi everybody
I posted a while ago that I wanted to support my dad any step of the way and I accept that it is an addiction.
However, for the sake of my mental health, I don't want to know the full extent. I know what I know and that is already a whole lot. But I think I finally reached the point where I'm done with finding the full truth.
Sometimes things are better left unsaid, just for the sake of our relationship. I feel as I can move on know. I don't want be stuck on every detail and the hurt that comes with it. I know what he looked at was wrong, but I don't want to know how wrong. Does that make sense?
Am I wrong or in denial? I just don't want to imagine what he saw. I can deal with it better if it has no shape and only exist in concept. That's the only way to go forward for me.
Does anybody have the same experiences?
Have a good day!
Daughterlost
I posted a while ago that I wanted to support my dad any step of the way and I accept that it is an addiction.
However, for the sake of my mental health, I don't want to know the full extent. I know what I know and that is already a whole lot. But I think I finally reached the point where I'm done with finding the full truth.
Sometimes things are better left unsaid, just for the sake of our relationship. I feel as I can move on know. I don't want be stuck on every detail and the hurt that comes with it. I know what he looked at was wrong, but I don't want to know how wrong. Does that make sense?
Am I wrong or in denial? I just don't want to imagine what he saw. I can deal with it better if it has no shape and only exist in concept. That's the only way to go forward for me.
Does anybody have the same experiences?
Have a good day!
Daughterlost
Hi Daughterlost, I can completely understand you and you don't need to know everything.
I know what a category A, B and C picture is. I don't need to know the grim details. xx
I know what a category A, B and C picture is. I don't need to know the grim details. xx
Hi, I knew which category images my ex was looking at the description. What I didn't realise was that in court, the worst images were described in detail. I will never, ever be able to forget. X
Hi,
I fully understand how you feel, I was the same and I still am. Unfortunately attending court with my son threw up some unwanted knowledge.
I don't ask questions about it now.
I was worried that it would change my opinion of him and I didn't want to that to happen.
I agree with you, some thing are better just not said or heard. I don't know where you are at in this awful journey but court will bring up information that you may not want to hear.
Take care
I fully understand how you feel, I was the same and I still am. Unfortunately attending court with my son threw up some unwanted knowledge.
I don't ask questions about it now.
I was worried that it would change my opinion of him and I didn't want to that to happen.
I agree with you, some thing are better just not said or heard. I don't know where you are at in this awful journey but court will bring up information that you may not want to hear.
Take care
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to know every 'detail' of what a loved one has looked at or done. Suppose really it's up to the individual/relationship.
ive said before, I know all I need to know about my sons crime - suppose it could be deemed as 'burying my head in the sand' but it's not going to change where we are.
i will never try to minimise his actions in my mind. But my mind can be in a fragile place occasionally - and it really cannot cope with much more.......... so (in my case) best left unsaid and unheard - as Dad005 commented.
ive said before, I know all I need to know about my sons crime - suppose it could be deemed as 'burying my head in the sand' but it's not going to change where we are.
i will never try to minimise his actions in my mind. But my mind can be in a fragile place occasionally - and it really cannot cope with much more.......... so (in my case) best left unsaid and unheard - as Dad005 commented.
I think it's luck of the draw in court. No descriptions of images at our hearings beyond rough age brackets and gender, and I attended them all.
I think knowing the details can depend on the type of relationship you have. I wanted to know because I'm married to my person and wanted to move forward and I couldn't do that without knowing everything. It wasn't said in court but I was able to discover this through the solicitor and having full disclosure
I think knowing the details can depend on the type of relationship you have. I wanted to know because I'm married to my person and wanted to move forward and I couldn't do that without knowing everything. It wasn't said in court but I was able to discover this through the solicitor and having full disclosure
I think there is this strange obsession with knowing 100% of the truth always and only then being able to access the situation. I was also of that opinion until I was thrown into this situation and I agree with everyone here: I know enough. I also know some more details and I will never be able to forget this, and for me it is still hard even looking at minors without being triggered because of this knowledge. You are better off not knowing all the details, trust me.
I cannot imagine what it must be like for my person who said they feel disgusted and shameful with themselves of having seen so many horrible things for so many years (I realise that it was his choice). Sometimes I really think that's punishment enough along with the guilt, shame, identity crisis of the offender and the effects it has on us as family and friends.
I cannot imagine what it must be like for my person who said they feel disgusted and shameful with themselves of having seen so many horrible things for so many years (I realise that it was his choice). Sometimes I really think that's punishment enough along with the guilt, shame, identity crisis of the offender and the effects it has on us as family and friends.