Do they ever change?
Notifications OFF
Hi everyone,
Hope everyone is keeping well, I know some days can be so hard.
My story is that we're out the other side. In short my OH sent images and messages to under 16 girls. Got the knock sept 22, finally in court Jan this year. Suspened sentence and 10 years on SOR.
although he had moved out I have been supporting him as we have a child together and I guess you could say I was ok Groundhog Day up until court. Now we've had a conclusion and I do really count us as one of the lucky ones that he hasn't gone to prison I feel I am struggling more.
it's as if I held it all together until then and now he wants to move forward I am finding it so hard. What if it happens again? OH also has a chronic gambling addiction which he thinks he can sort himself. I get he has to move forward but I just can't move past what I've actually had to go through this past 20 months and hold it together. I've got such resentment. Is this normal? Will it get better? I do still love him (wish I didn't) but can't spend the next 40 odd years like this. Xxx
Hope everyone is keeping well, I know some days can be so hard.
My story is that we're out the other side. In short my OH sent images and messages to under 16 girls. Got the knock sept 22, finally in court Jan this year. Suspened sentence and 10 years on SOR.
although he had moved out I have been supporting him as we have a child together and I guess you could say I was ok Groundhog Day up until court. Now we've had a conclusion and I do really count us as one of the lucky ones that he hasn't gone to prison I feel I am struggling more.
it's as if I held it all together until then and now he wants to move forward I am finding it so hard. What if it happens again? OH also has a chronic gambling addiction which he thinks he can sort himself. I get he has to move forward but I just can't move past what I've actually had to go through this past 20 months and hold it together. I've got such resentment. Is this normal? Will it get better? I do still love him (wish I didn't) but can't spend the next 40 odd years like this. Xxx
Hi,
I think it's normal to feel how you're feeling. I kind of put dealing with how to move forward on a back burner. Had counselling and hypnotherapy right at the beginning to get over the initial trauma and then threw myself into caring for our daughter and supporting him through the past three years of probation etc.
It is possible for your partner to change, this crime has one of the lowest rates of reoffending. Does he recognise triggers for both his offending and his gambling? I was told by my partners offender manager that there is a link between gambling and sexual offences but I've not been able to find the research into this.
As for your partner wanting to move forward I can understand that. He now probably has his closure. My partner described it to me as he started working on himself from the moment he was left in the holding cell at the police station. I can see that he has and is working incredibly hard to be a better person. Unfortunately the only way that I'm ever going to build trust again is to remove my own walls and allow him the chance to prove himself xxx
I think it's normal to feel how you're feeling. I kind of put dealing with how to move forward on a back burner. Had counselling and hypnotherapy right at the beginning to get over the initial trauma and then threw myself into caring for our daughter and supporting him through the past three years of probation etc.
It is possible for your partner to change, this crime has one of the lowest rates of reoffending. Does he recognise triggers for both his offending and his gambling? I was told by my partners offender manager that there is a link between gambling and sexual offences but I've not been able to find the research into this.
As for your partner wanting to move forward I can understand that. He now probably has his closure. My partner described it to me as he started working on himself from the moment he was left in the holding cell at the police station. I can see that he has and is working incredibly hard to be a better person. Unfortunately the only way that I'm ever going to build trust again is to remove my own walls and allow him the chance to prove himself xxx