Family and Friends Forum

Hi Hilltop

oh am so sorry you are having a bad day, just try not to get too wound up, nothing is happening today with your partners case.

Are you able to just go and do something that will help you feel better? If I feel anxious I go for a walk with my dogs, it always lifts my spirit! I know that might not be your choice but do anything that can help.

I too have stayed with my partner,he is a really fantastic dad, I think if you stay or if you go, it is hard whichever you choose to do.

It is really good to come on here for support, there is always someone to help out.

Keep going with little steps, tomorrow is another day.

sending you hugs and best wishes

Mabel x x x

Hi Hilltop

Sorry you're having such a bad day, they hit us hard at times.

Try and find something to distract you, we've found great strength from watching lots of comedy programmes on tv. Anything that allows you to laugh or feel happy (even for a small amount of time does wonders).

Re trusting your partner is not lying, I dont think any of us ever find out the full extent of the truth but you should stand by your decision to believe in him as it probably came from the right place.



Hope you manage to settle into a more peaceful state of mind soon

X

Hilltop, I’m hoping things have improved slightly for you, we all know those feelings and they are bloody awful. Like others have said get by little by little and tomorrow is another day! Try and find small positives if you can or have things to look forward to even if only little and simple.

Sending huge hugs x

Hi Hilltop,

I understand totally how you feel. As other have suggested do something to distract yourself, bake, cook, find a box set to watch, sort that cupboard out you have been meaning to do. Those are all things I do when my brain really starts chattering on to me.

My husband is also pleading not guilty, I think it makes me more anxious as we are relying on a jury to believe him. I think it is probably the lack of power and control over the situation that makes us all struggle with it. Some days will be bad but some days will be good.

I feel for all of us in this awful situation and I know together we will get through it.



Xxxxx

Hilltop, I’m so sorry you’re having a tough day. Ultimately, until the evidence comes back, you won’t know whether you’re right to trust your partner or whether your trust is misplaced. Try not to beat yourself up over any decisions you’ve made; there is no right or wrong, and no decision is easy. I had some tough conversations with my partner early on, and said that we could work through things and how we got into this situation if I knew he was being honest with me, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t work through lies. He told me things I didn’t want to hear, but was honest and it gave us something to work from. I made the decision that I would stay and see things through, without putting pressure on myself to decide whether we had a future or not. I chose this because I knew if I walked away I’d always wonder “what if?” Now that the investigation is over, I know he was honest with me. It doesn’t mean our relationship is as it was before (far from it), but now that I know everything I feel we have something to work on. Hang in there - there’s no quick fix but only you can decide what is best for you (and what that looks like might change from one day to the next!) xx

Thanks Hilltop. Yeah, he got NFA. Things are far from being back to normal (largely dependent on social services, too) but I don’t regret staying. I always said I couldn’t make a decision about our long term future until I knew all the facts, which I knew I wouldn’t have until the investigation was over, because I wouldn’t know what was fact, what was deception etc until the police had their say. I knew I risked being proved wrong, but I knew he wasn’t a bad person; he just made some bad decisions. Hang in there - the bad days sneak up on you, but your ability to bounce back grows xx

I am the same as you have had a couple of really horrendous days crying ferling sick uneasy etc. Tried to switch off by watching some tv than went out for a wee bit today. I empathise with you , i am waiting any day for outcome and dreading it but praying its positive and hes not guilty as hes been saying, . Its the not knowing how and when and what they r going to come and say. One day at a time , am right there with u x

I'm sorry you are having a tough time ladies :( I promise that one day you will feel happy again. That this will be a footnote on our lives rather than the one thing that defines them. These bad days will pass. They feel so long and intense, and right now I'm with you in feeling confused and hopeless. But we need to just hang on in there and ride this out somehow , just for today. Then do the same tomorrow, and the day after, until one day in the future an entire day will pass and this horrendous situation won't even have entered our heads. One day.

Our knock was exactly 3 months ago x