Police interview
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Hiya not posted on here before have been a passive reader over these excruciating months.
The knock came 2 days after we returned from a holiday to celebrate 5 years married- November 2023. A great welcome home.
I couldn't cope with everything and we have since separated I am living with my mum and my husband with his parents.
This has been for some time now before then we shared a house and I was upstairs n him downstairs and we would barely talk. i was so glad we were in a rented property and were on a rolling month to month contract so that i could leave.
I know it sounds terrible but I was glad when my mom broke her arm in December 2023 so I could stay with her to care for her as she lives alone. Just to have an excuse to leave as it was becoming unbearable living together. This made it easier to broach the subject of parting ways and clearing the house out.
I would come and go from work make excuses I was tired on returning stay upstairs and cry away from him. I felt like he was listening to all my calls and had no privacy. He denies all knowledge of what they are saying he did and has shown no remorse or regret. Occasionally crocodile tears. Whenever he asked how I felt I would respond and he would say "I know it's been terrible for me too ... " then go on about how he felt. I felt if I stayed any longer he would wear me down and I'd end up staying as I'd feel sorry for him again. When we were living together still I felt the only thing getting me through was the long shifts at work and focusing on something else.
I feel this incident was the straw that broke the camels back tbh. Over the years I have made many sacrifices for this relationship and been taken for granted multiple times. Over the years It's taken a toll on me mentally and physically and this was just a step too far. As my offending person had medical issues I have always felt that I should care for him, get on with it, put him first not complain, each time he did something I would find an excuse linked to his illnesses on why he had done it ie putting us in vast amounts of debt, not getting up for the interview for a job, not helping with the chores, not making time to do things together ect. I feel like I don't know this person.
I feel horrible but I had to leave. I've been amicable and have been told time and time again from friends and family that I have been more than reasonable and even too nice at times. I don't want to tip a person over further whom is already vulnerable in a difficult situation so have been nice. I do want a divorce I know people say not to make decisions so quickly but I can't trust him anymore it's just another thing. I feel selfish for thinking about myself but I rarely do and I just can't go back.
After many months of not knowing as he was arrested on the day but soon brought back as he became too ill to interview. He has finally had his interview today. He said the police have said it’s all from one app on one device.
They have No evidence of him searching for material. They said it was extreme material images and video 6 of these.
He said the police Can’t prove that he didn’t do or did do the downloading.
His solicitor says he Won’t go to prison apparently worst case would be Suspended sentence.
The case is going to CPS. He’s Not been charged or arrested or bailed but that he is Under investigation still and sent home. They are saying there’s a Chance CPS will drop it as not a lot of evidence. Saying he will be charged with downloading not viewing.
They think he might just get a Warning only nothing else ie not having to sign on a register. He says if it doesn’t go to crown court it won’t be in the paper.
Saying if it’s a warning the Current wait time 3/4months but If goes to court take longer ie years. He was there just under an hour apparently. This is just from what he’s told me via phone today.
I'm guessing what I'm asking is from experience does this all sound correct and plausible?
I'm asking as the offending person has been known to bend the truth, lie ect on numerous occasions and I don't know what to believe. I am now feeling stressed and anxious again and thinking I'm an awful person for leaving before he had even been interviewed. I know I have made the right decision for me but feel so callous to him. I know he has a tendency to make things seem less than what they are. I think what the issue is here is that I don't want people thinking I'm heartless and have left because I didn't try hard enough. (Although I have through years of difficulty)
He also made a comment at the end of our call saying the police officer said he can still ring me if he can’t make contact with my husband (seperated) and that the police officer knows we’re not together and we live apart but he will still try me ?
Does this sound correct - I do answer no caller ID NUMBERS if I'm waiting for a delivery or I'm on call for work as this is how they call us in ? Would I get in trouble for not answering ? It causes my anxiety when ever they call and it's never for me. They have his number I just wish he would answer. I feel me ex in not answering is doing it to stress me out as he knows it will.
sorry for rambling but I just finally need to get it off my chest.
The knock came 2 days after we returned from a holiday to celebrate 5 years married- November 2023. A great welcome home.
I couldn't cope with everything and we have since separated I am living with my mum and my husband with his parents.
This has been for some time now before then we shared a house and I was upstairs n him downstairs and we would barely talk. i was so glad we were in a rented property and were on a rolling month to month contract so that i could leave.
I know it sounds terrible but I was glad when my mom broke her arm in December 2023 so I could stay with her to care for her as she lives alone. Just to have an excuse to leave as it was becoming unbearable living together. This made it easier to broach the subject of parting ways and clearing the house out.
I would come and go from work make excuses I was tired on returning stay upstairs and cry away from him. I felt like he was listening to all my calls and had no privacy. He denies all knowledge of what they are saying he did and has shown no remorse or regret. Occasionally crocodile tears. Whenever he asked how I felt I would respond and he would say "I know it's been terrible for me too ... " then go on about how he felt. I felt if I stayed any longer he would wear me down and I'd end up staying as I'd feel sorry for him again. When we were living together still I felt the only thing getting me through was the long shifts at work and focusing on something else.
I feel this incident was the straw that broke the camels back tbh. Over the years I have made many sacrifices for this relationship and been taken for granted multiple times. Over the years It's taken a toll on me mentally and physically and this was just a step too far. As my offending person had medical issues I have always felt that I should care for him, get on with it, put him first not complain, each time he did something I would find an excuse linked to his illnesses on why he had done it ie putting us in vast amounts of debt, not getting up for the interview for a job, not helping with the chores, not making time to do things together ect. I feel like I don't know this person.
I feel horrible but I had to leave. I've been amicable and have been told time and time again from friends and family that I have been more than reasonable and even too nice at times. I don't want to tip a person over further whom is already vulnerable in a difficult situation so have been nice. I do want a divorce I know people say not to make decisions so quickly but I can't trust him anymore it's just another thing. I feel selfish for thinking about myself but I rarely do and I just can't go back.
After many months of not knowing as he was arrested on the day but soon brought back as he became too ill to interview. He has finally had his interview today. He said the police have said it’s all from one app on one device.
They have No evidence of him searching for material. They said it was extreme material images and video 6 of these.
He said the police Can’t prove that he didn’t do or did do the downloading.
His solicitor says he Won’t go to prison apparently worst case would be Suspended sentence.
The case is going to CPS. He’s Not been charged or arrested or bailed but that he is Under investigation still and sent home. They are saying there’s a Chance CPS will drop it as not a lot of evidence. Saying he will be charged with downloading not viewing.
They think he might just get a Warning only nothing else ie not having to sign on a register. He says if it doesn’t go to crown court it won’t be in the paper.
Saying if it’s a warning the Current wait time 3/4months but If goes to court take longer ie years. He was there just under an hour apparently. This is just from what he’s told me via phone today.
I'm guessing what I'm asking is from experience does this all sound correct and plausible?
I'm asking as the offending person has been known to bend the truth, lie ect on numerous occasions and I don't know what to believe. I am now feeling stressed and anxious again and thinking I'm an awful person for leaving before he had even been interviewed. I know I have made the right decision for me but feel so callous to him. I know he has a tendency to make things seem less than what they are. I think what the issue is here is that I don't want people thinking I'm heartless and have left because I didn't try hard enough. (Although I have through years of difficulty)
He also made a comment at the end of our call saying the police officer said he can still ring me if he can’t make contact with my husband (seperated) and that the police officer knows we’re not together and we live apart but he will still try me ?
Does this sound correct - I do answer no caller ID NUMBERS if I'm waiting for a delivery or I'm on call for work as this is how they call us in ? Would I get in trouble for not answering ? It causes my anxiety when ever they call and it's never for me. They have his number I just wish he would answer. I feel me ex in not answering is doing it to stress me out as he knows it will.
sorry for rambling but I just finally need to get it off my chest.
You have made the correct decision for you and that's all that matters, my oh was 5 images downloaded through kik it was a load of numbers when he typed in regular porn instead he got illoc images he deleted immediately never revisited, we spent just under 5k on an independent cyber expert who proved he never searched and the files could only be retrieved by an expert, my oh was still found guilty at magistrates as he never reported to the police what he seen, we had media coverage also from magistrates it never went to crown, media left it all to the imagination of others were 3 months past sentencing now, I would have not been with my oh if it wasn't proven it wasn't searched for so I have no regret spending that money, everyone's journey is so different yet we all seem to be in the same nightmare, take care of you and do what's right for you your oh needs to finally take responsibility for his actions
It does sound from what you've written that maybe your ex is not telling you the whole truth. It's a serious offence.. 1 image or 100.
The press can be in the magistrates court.
whenever the police have contacted me for updates about my ex, they have never withheld their number.
The press can be in the magistrates court.
whenever the police have contacted me for updates about my ex, they have never withheld their number.
Thank you for your replies.
I do think there is an element of my ex down playing the situation. I know it's all very serious hence my decision ultimately. Yes I think everyone's journey is individual and feel everyone in this group is amazingly strong and have had to be as we've all found ourselves in these awful situations!
The police always call on no caller ID numbers every time they've called. I don't know why but they just do in my case. I don't think this is strange as my workplace also do the same.
I never get any updates from them they only ever ask to speak to my ex if they have been unable to reach him. The only information I get is what my ex tells me second hand. I just wanted to know if it was normal for them to call me in order to speak to my ex. I think I was just overthinking everything yesterday tbh. Iv since reflected and realise I had let my mind run away with me.
The best peice of advise I have been given from a counsellor is : I am not responsible for his actions and what he does and doesn't do.
I know he needs to reflect and take accountability but I don't ever think he will. I therefore have unburdened myself with it as it's not my responsibility.
Thank you
I do think there is an element of my ex down playing the situation. I know it's all very serious hence my decision ultimately. Yes I think everyone's journey is individual and feel everyone in this group is amazingly strong and have had to be as we've all found ourselves in these awful situations!
The police always call on no caller ID numbers every time they've called. I don't know why but they just do in my case. I don't think this is strange as my workplace also do the same.
I never get any updates from them they only ever ask to speak to my ex if they have been unable to reach him. The only information I get is what my ex tells me second hand. I just wanted to know if it was normal for them to call me in order to speak to my ex. I think I was just overthinking everything yesterday tbh. Iv since reflected and realise I had let my mind run away with me.
The best peice of advise I have been given from a counsellor is : I am not responsible for his actions and what he does and doesn't do.
I know he needs to reflect and take accountability but I don't ever think he will. I therefore have unburdened myself with it as it's not my responsibility.
Thank you
Hi, what others think of why you left etc is none of their business whatsoever. Try to put them aside for your wellbeing. No one knows how they will respond in this situation!
I had absolutely no idea what my ex was doing until The Knock. We'd been best friend for 30 years and married for 17. However, he put me through Hell on earth in the two years beforehand. I was convinced he was having an affair and the thoughts going through my head were awful. I asked him day in day out and he'd look me in the eye and tell me every single time that he wasn't doing ANYTHING he shouldn't be. He even told me to give it a rest because I was doing his head in. Of course I know now what he was up to. I divorced him within the first year. I couldn't deal with the lies. I couldn't deal with the humiliation or the pain. I couldn't deal with what he put our kids through. You could ask him to give permission for the officer in charge and his solicitor to speak freely with you. If he's genuine, he'll give permission. That way you'll get the correct information, not just what he thinks you should know.
My ex reoffended two years ago and became homeless. I took pity on him and along with pressure from the Police, I allowed him to stay here on my living room floor. He tried to make himself indispensable and gaslit me so I wouldn't kick him out. I did kick him out eventually. I can't tell you how much I regret letting him get under my skin with his tears and bs. In my opinion, any partner/spouse who is willing to do what they've done, they don't deserve us. Hard but true. You could ring the helpline, get it off your chest? It helps sometimes to get some perspective. Much love to you. Xx
I had absolutely no idea what my ex was doing until The Knock. We'd been best friend for 30 years and married for 17. However, he put me through Hell on earth in the two years beforehand. I was convinced he was having an affair and the thoughts going through my head were awful. I asked him day in day out and he'd look me in the eye and tell me every single time that he wasn't doing ANYTHING he shouldn't be. He even told me to give it a rest because I was doing his head in. Of course I know now what he was up to. I divorced him within the first year. I couldn't deal with the lies. I couldn't deal with the humiliation or the pain. I couldn't deal with what he put our kids through. You could ask him to give permission for the officer in charge and his solicitor to speak freely with you. If he's genuine, he'll give permission. That way you'll get the correct information, not just what he thinks you should know.
My ex reoffended two years ago and became homeless. I took pity on him and along with pressure from the Police, I allowed him to stay here on my living room floor. He tried to make himself indispensable and gaslit me so I wouldn't kick him out. I did kick him out eventually. I can't tell you how much I regret letting him get under my skin with his tears and bs. In my opinion, any partner/spouse who is willing to do what they've done, they don't deserve us. Hard but true. You could ring the helpline, get it off your chest? It helps sometimes to get some perspective. Much love to you. Xx