Pregnancy
Notifications OFF
Hi looking for some advice.
I found out I was pregnant (not planned) and have been a bit worried since. Part of me wants to keep it but the other part of me doesn't want to grow and give birth to my baby for it to be taken away from me.
My partner was arrested for IIOC in 2022 and is not allowed unsupervised contact with females under 16 for 3 years as part of his sentencing. this started 2023.
I spoke to my midwife and disclosed this information (as I need to, which is fine) and they then went on to talk about my mental health and childhood trauma etc. I read on a post somewhere that someone had their baby taken off of them when they were born due to similar circumstances.
I am wondering if anyone knows the chances of Social Work taking my baby off me? (Obviously everyone is different, but if anyone has any personal experiences etc I would love to hear it wether it's good or bad) An abortion would most likely traumatise me but growing, giving birth & having my baby taken from me would be worse.
thanks.
Ellie
I found out I was pregnant (not planned) and have been a bit worried since. Part of me wants to keep it but the other part of me doesn't want to grow and give birth to my baby for it to be taken away from me.
My partner was arrested for IIOC in 2022 and is not allowed unsupervised contact with females under 16 for 3 years as part of his sentencing. this started 2023.
I spoke to my midwife and disclosed this information (as I need to, which is fine) and they then went on to talk about my mental health and childhood trauma etc. I read on a post somewhere that someone had their baby taken off of them when they were born due to similar circumstances.
I am wondering if anyone knows the chances of Social Work taking my baby off me? (Obviously everyone is different, but if anyone has any personal experiences etc I would love to hear it wether it's good or bad) An abortion would most likely traumatise me but growing, giving birth & having my baby taken from me would be worse.
thanks.
Ellie
I saw noone has responded to your post and didn't want to scroll by without replying, although there will be people that can over more information.
I'm short, it is not that easy for SS to take children away. They would only do this if the felt the child was in harms way and you were not protecting them - But this would be a long process. It's highly likely that your partner wouldn't be allowed unsupervised contact with your child and SS would need to believe you were in a position to protect your child. If your partner stayed in your life, SS would be involved. There are plans such as CIN (Child in need) and another, this would depend (as far as I understand) on a number of risk factors.
In short, unless you showed no understanding of the risk, allowed your partner unsupervised access and to do things like personal care, they couldn't just take the child off you, but SS would be involved.
I hope someone with more information on this can help. If you search pregnant in the search bar, you'll see unfortunately many other women that have found out they are pregnant on this journey - Their posts might be helpful.
I'm short, it is not that easy for SS to take children away. They would only do this if the felt the child was in harms way and you were not protecting them - But this would be a long process. It's highly likely that your partner wouldn't be allowed unsupervised contact with your child and SS would need to believe you were in a position to protect your child. If your partner stayed in your life, SS would be involved. There are plans such as CIN (Child in need) and another, this would depend (as far as I understand) on a number of risk factors.
In short, unless you showed no understanding of the risk, allowed your partner unsupervised access and to do things like personal care, they couldn't just take the child off you, but SS would be involved.
I hope someone with more information on this can help. If you search pregnant in the search bar, you'll see unfortunately many other women that have found out they are pregnant on this journey - Their posts might be helpful.
Hi Eli
I was in my first trimester during the knock. The likelihood of SS taking your child away from you are very slim, especially if you proactively work with them and show you understand the risks. Also your partner taking ownership of his actions and showing he is working through whatever caused him to offend (eh therapy, SAA, drugs and so on, whatever his reason was).
Your partner will be asked to move out right after the birth and there might be a chance he can't attend the birth. Does the SHPO state no unsupervised contact or no unsupervised contact unless approved by SS?
You will likely be given a safety plan (or you can start creating one) detailing things such as your partner not being present for personal care (nappy changes, baths) and not spend time with the child alone at all. You need to also detail things such as what will you do when you need toilet (take the baby with you) or if there is an emergency (take the baby with you and if you are unable to look after the baby, assign a grandparent/other safe adult to support).
The treatment you'll get from SS really depends on your luck as it varies from SW to SW. Some are very sympathetic, some far from it. It is mentally exhausting to go through these things. But the baby is 100% worth it.
You would likely go either into Child in Need or Child Protection Plan. CIN is 'voluntary' (but if you refuse, they'll escalate). CPP means more frequent surprise visits, more meetings and more agencies involved. Both are survivable.
If you want to have this child, you absolutely should. It is a lot of work to in effect be a single parent while in a relationship (love how my partner can go for a beer with his mates freely when I can't even poop alone...) but in the end, it's the choises we have made in staying and have to stand by.
If you feel like doing all of this would be too much and you would prefer abortion, I absolutely support you. It is your body and it is your mental health. Please prioritise your well being now as you wouldn't be able to do so should you have the child.
Feel free to pm x
I was in my first trimester during the knock. The likelihood of SS taking your child away from you are very slim, especially if you proactively work with them and show you understand the risks. Also your partner taking ownership of his actions and showing he is working through whatever caused him to offend (eh therapy, SAA, drugs and so on, whatever his reason was).
Your partner will be asked to move out right after the birth and there might be a chance he can't attend the birth. Does the SHPO state no unsupervised contact or no unsupervised contact unless approved by SS?
You will likely be given a safety plan (or you can start creating one) detailing things such as your partner not being present for personal care (nappy changes, baths) and not spend time with the child alone at all. You need to also detail things such as what will you do when you need toilet (take the baby with you) or if there is an emergency (take the baby with you and if you are unable to look after the baby, assign a grandparent/other safe adult to support).
The treatment you'll get from SS really depends on your luck as it varies from SW to SW. Some are very sympathetic, some far from it. It is mentally exhausting to go through these things. But the baby is 100% worth it.
You would likely go either into Child in Need or Child Protection Plan. CIN is 'voluntary' (but if you refuse, they'll escalate). CPP means more frequent surprise visits, more meetings and more agencies involved. Both are survivable.
If you want to have this child, you absolutely should. It is a lot of work to in effect be a single parent while in a relationship (love how my partner can go for a beer with his mates freely when I can't even poop alone...) but in the end, it's the choises we have made in staying and have to stand by.
If you feel like doing all of this would be too much and you would prefer abortion, I absolutely support you. It is your body and it is your mental health. Please prioritise your well being now as you wouldn't be able to do so should you have the child.
Feel free to pm x
Hi Eli,
I hope you are okay. Ultimately you should choose what is right for you and weigh up the situation.
I do just want to add, and I am only saying it because I have never seen abortion spoken about until now, that I had an abortion a few months before the knock and personally, one of the first things I thought after the knock was thank goodness I did it, although the reasons I had it were obviously nothing to do with that. I understand it isn't for everyone and there can still be a stigma attached to it but it's important that the option is spoken about for those who want/need it, knowing there are people here who support that. I'm not here much anymore but if anyone comes across this and wants any support regarding this, please PM me xx
I hope you are okay. Ultimately you should choose what is right for you and weigh up the situation.
I do just want to add, and I am only saying it because I have never seen abortion spoken about until now, that I had an abortion a few months before the knock and personally, one of the first things I thought after the knock was thank goodness I did it, although the reasons I had it were obviously nothing to do with that. I understand it isn't for everyone and there can still be a stigma attached to it but it's important that the option is spoken about for those who want/need it, knowing there are people here who support that. I'm not here much anymore but if anyone comes across this and wants any support regarding this, please PM me xx
Hi everyone who has commented, thank you for the replies - I'm not sure how to individually reply so I shall do so here.
my partners "no contact" is unless social work has agreed, for example he is still allowed to see his sibling. I am happy to do ALL aspects of personal care and literally anything/everything to do with the baby as my partner would be working anyway so I would be the main carer for our baby. We have family members that will be happy to help out if emergencies etc happen and I am more than happy to work alongside the SW and do anything they ask such as courses or literally anything else.
i understand why they will get involved and know that my child's safety is the number one priority in all of this and i want nothing more than to keep my baby safe. I do not feel that my partner being around would cause any harm to baby but of course they are doing what's right.
thank you to everyone who has replied it has gave me some sort of calmness regarding the situation as it's all I can think about. I am a bit gutted that this is my first pregnancy and this is how I will remember it but it's life now.
thank you for the support ??
Ellie
my partners "no contact" is unless social work has agreed, for example he is still allowed to see his sibling. I am happy to do ALL aspects of personal care and literally anything/everything to do with the baby as my partner would be working anyway so I would be the main carer for our baby. We have family members that will be happy to help out if emergencies etc happen and I am more than happy to work alongside the SW and do anything they ask such as courses or literally anything else.
i understand why they will get involved and know that my child's safety is the number one priority in all of this and i want nothing more than to keep my baby safe. I do not feel that my partner being around would cause any harm to baby but of course they are doing what's right.
thank you to everyone who has replied it has gave me some sort of calmness regarding the situation as it's all I can think about. I am a bit gutted that this is my first pregnancy and this is how I will remember it but it's life now.
thank you for the support ??
Ellie