Just So Frustrated with everything!!
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Hello, more of a rant post AGAIN (Actually hate that i have to "bother" and rant but i feel noone else will be able to understand my frustrations.
so i have got other posts in the past but to break it down, We got the knock november 2023 by undercover police. Was very smooth i must admit, he was taken in for questioning and his phone, work phone and work laptop was taken . My OH admitted the offence which was talking to a underage female on snapchat ( turns it was a police decoy, 2 mornings, less than half an hour per morning). He was arrested for asking what was on her bottom half and he very quickly deleted his account etc when the "penny dropped" how stupid he had been.
Obvioulsy at the beginning i was angry, disgusted and upset and just had thousands of questions. SW came out, put us on a CIN plan until he assessed me, my OH and spoke to the children at school and with the school. Safety plan was put in place that my OH can have supervised contact but not allowed in the house during the day or overnight but the children can stay at grandparents house overnight etc and he can stay there (yep i dont understand that either but rules are rules at this stage), SW then closed the case with the plan that soon as we have an update, we contact them. Been told if its caution or NFA (unlikely) then he can come home and the safety plan will cease. Anything else then more assessments need to be done. SW said they dont think my OH is any risk but need to act on the half of caution until the outcome. (im not even going to go into the assessment and how many mistakes there is, such as my partners name is wrong, kids are mixed up and not even signed and dated) but again ill follow rules.
The children are desperate now, they think he is working away at grandparents which is where he is staying until he can come home but its daily tears and at the weekend when he does see them, it hurts seeing them sob when he has to go and we dont currently have a car so limited on what we can do (not from a big place) and parks etc are getting "boring" in their words.
Anyway my frustrations lie with the Police. Arrested November 2023, was told devices was due to be downloaded in march 2024. Couple days after the date of the devices download, My Oh contacted OIC as we had not receieved a letter of new bail date (extension) which was supposed to be a week after and was told to come back a couple months later (i cant remember dates) but he shouldnt have to wait that long and they would try and bring it forward. My OH still didnt hear anything so emailed again and was then told that he should of recieved a letter but they had tried to bring it forward but bail management didnt have any space or time. He was given a date in may.
all that week, i felt sick and so overwhelmed, i was snappy, couldnt sleep.
My OH goes to answer bail , waits for 40 minutes to be told he shouldnt be there despite letting him sign in and he was on the sheet to be there that day and the OIC has rang down and told him that it has been pushed back until August, My OH didnt want to argue but had explained he had only spoke to the OIC on the saturday when he had rang him as he had him down to orginally answer on the sunday but it was bank holiday weekend) . He was then told he should of recieved a letter in the post but i dont undestand from the saturday phone call, to answering bail on the Wednesday with a bank holiday monday in-between how that was even possible . My OH asked what was the new date in august and the officer on the front desk said that bail management was sorting it now and he'd receive a letter in the post and should he not hear anything after a week to email the OIC. My OH asks if they could confirm the address they have as he has always been letters "hd been sent out" but strangely we have Never recieved ANY of them so was concerned that this would be yet another letter we wouldnt get and the address they had was correct.
BUT here we are ONCE AGAIN no letter, no contact, no update.....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. My OH emailed the OIC last week and has had no email reply or nothing. Its getting beyond a joke now. This is the 3rd Bail extension. I really felt that because they OIC was trying to bring it forward that it was a good sign it was all done and we would have the next step in all this but its just dragging on and on.
All we asking for is the new bail date, we havent even asked where they are in the investigation. My OH dont have a solicitor as he admitted at interview. I dont see why its so difficult to give him the new bail date. i am wondering on the day he waited 40 minutes whether something had come up and he had to question someone else etc but to leave it this long.
My OH was stupid, thoughtless and idiotic but hes a good man. First offence, never had any issues with the law except this and an absolutey amazing dad. Hes a good man whos done a very disgusting bad thing, i am not minimising that it was just 1 question as he knows how he should of reacted from the first message. This has given us time to appreciate each other and i guess in a way, it has made us stronger. We just want answers to be one step closer to putting this behind us. The OIC said when all this had happened that "this was a small nightmare to get through and he would soon be able to get on with his life".
They never consider the families and children behind all this which i understand in a way why they dont but to be ignorant and limited like this is awful.
Im trying to keep myself distracted. Im doing the Inform course to try and better my understanding of all this and to prove to SS that i am doing everything i can to broaden my understanding and to be more of a protective factor so my OH can move home.
we have trips booked (uk stays) that i dont even know if SS will let us go on even though we have booked hotels where my OH will have his own room, and me and the children have a family room, is this even something id have to let SS know about? i just feel so clueless and lost in this mess.
Has anyone had this frustration regards to bail extension and letters etc?
Its a LLLLOOOOONNNNNGGGG Post so if youve got this far, i honestly thank you so much.
Rant over and time to get the housework done whist my youngest is watching Peppa pig (the joys of children haha)
so i have got other posts in the past but to break it down, We got the knock november 2023 by undercover police. Was very smooth i must admit, he was taken in for questioning and his phone, work phone and work laptop was taken . My OH admitted the offence which was talking to a underage female on snapchat ( turns it was a police decoy, 2 mornings, less than half an hour per morning). He was arrested for asking what was on her bottom half and he very quickly deleted his account etc when the "penny dropped" how stupid he had been.
Obvioulsy at the beginning i was angry, disgusted and upset and just had thousands of questions. SW came out, put us on a CIN plan until he assessed me, my OH and spoke to the children at school and with the school. Safety plan was put in place that my OH can have supervised contact but not allowed in the house during the day or overnight but the children can stay at grandparents house overnight etc and he can stay there (yep i dont understand that either but rules are rules at this stage), SW then closed the case with the plan that soon as we have an update, we contact them. Been told if its caution or NFA (unlikely) then he can come home and the safety plan will cease. Anything else then more assessments need to be done. SW said they dont think my OH is any risk but need to act on the half of caution until the outcome. (im not even going to go into the assessment and how many mistakes there is, such as my partners name is wrong, kids are mixed up and not even signed and dated) but again ill follow rules.
The children are desperate now, they think he is working away at grandparents which is where he is staying until he can come home but its daily tears and at the weekend when he does see them, it hurts seeing them sob when he has to go and we dont currently have a car so limited on what we can do (not from a big place) and parks etc are getting "boring" in their words.
Anyway my frustrations lie with the Police. Arrested November 2023, was told devices was due to be downloaded in march 2024. Couple days after the date of the devices download, My Oh contacted OIC as we had not receieved a letter of new bail date (extension) which was supposed to be a week after and was told to come back a couple months later (i cant remember dates) but he shouldnt have to wait that long and they would try and bring it forward. My OH still didnt hear anything so emailed again and was then told that he should of recieved a letter but they had tried to bring it forward but bail management didnt have any space or time. He was given a date in may.
all that week, i felt sick and so overwhelmed, i was snappy, couldnt sleep.
My OH goes to answer bail , waits for 40 minutes to be told he shouldnt be there despite letting him sign in and he was on the sheet to be there that day and the OIC has rang down and told him that it has been pushed back until August, My OH didnt want to argue but had explained he had only spoke to the OIC on the saturday when he had rang him as he had him down to orginally answer on the sunday but it was bank holiday weekend) . He was then told he should of recieved a letter in the post but i dont undestand from the saturday phone call, to answering bail on the Wednesday with a bank holiday monday in-between how that was even possible . My OH asked what was the new date in august and the officer on the front desk said that bail management was sorting it now and he'd receive a letter in the post and should he not hear anything after a week to email the OIC. My OH asks if they could confirm the address they have as he has always been letters "hd been sent out" but strangely we have Never recieved ANY of them so was concerned that this would be yet another letter we wouldnt get and the address they had was correct.
BUT here we are ONCE AGAIN no letter, no contact, no update.....ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. My OH emailed the OIC last week and has had no email reply or nothing. Its getting beyond a joke now. This is the 3rd Bail extension. I really felt that because they OIC was trying to bring it forward that it was a good sign it was all done and we would have the next step in all this but its just dragging on and on.
All we asking for is the new bail date, we havent even asked where they are in the investigation. My OH dont have a solicitor as he admitted at interview. I dont see why its so difficult to give him the new bail date. i am wondering on the day he waited 40 minutes whether something had come up and he had to question someone else etc but to leave it this long.
My OH was stupid, thoughtless and idiotic but hes a good man. First offence, never had any issues with the law except this and an absolutey amazing dad. Hes a good man whos done a very disgusting bad thing, i am not minimising that it was just 1 question as he knows how he should of reacted from the first message. This has given us time to appreciate each other and i guess in a way, it has made us stronger. We just want answers to be one step closer to putting this behind us. The OIC said when all this had happened that "this was a small nightmare to get through and he would soon be able to get on with his life".
They never consider the families and children behind all this which i understand in a way why they dont but to be ignorant and limited like this is awful.
Im trying to keep myself distracted. Im doing the Inform course to try and better my understanding of all this and to prove to SS that i am doing everything i can to broaden my understanding and to be more of a protective factor so my OH can move home.
we have trips booked (uk stays) that i dont even know if SS will let us go on even though we have booked hotels where my OH will have his own room, and me and the children have a family room, is this even something id have to let SS know about? i just feel so clueless and lost in this mess.
Has anyone had this frustration regards to bail extension and letters etc?
Its a LLLLOOOOONNNNNGGGG Post so if youve got this far, i honestly thank you so much.
Rant over and time to get the housework done whist my youngest is watching Peppa pig (the joys of children haha)
Hi marema2233
my situation is very different but just wanted to let you know I've read your post & although there are differences I really empathise with your frustrations and the impact it has on immediate family.
The delays, lack of information and disproportionate treatment creates such stress on those nearest and has long term effects.
I've been dealing with our situation for 18 months, it goes to court on Friday but getting information from agencies in a timely manner is almost impossible. It all adds to the stress and means that on Friday we are walking into Crown Court knowing more could be done to prepare and exasperated that we have to go with what we have.
enjoy the simplicity of Peppa for a short while x x
my situation is very different but just wanted to let you know I've read your post & although there are differences I really empathise with your frustrations and the impact it has on immediate family.
The delays, lack of information and disproportionate treatment creates such stress on those nearest and has long term effects.
I've been dealing with our situation for 18 months, it goes to court on Friday but getting information from agencies in a timely manner is almost impossible. It all adds to the stress and means that on Friday we are walking into Crown Court knowing more could be done to prepare and exasperated that we have to go with what we have.
enjoy the simplicity of Peppa for a short while x x
I want to be absolutely honest with you: It can take years. My husband has been under investigation for almost 2 years and still no update from police.
His solicitor said he had cases that took 4 years.
His solicitor said he had cases that took 4 years.
hpl111--- Thank you so much for your reply. After reading some posts and your comment, it makes me feel sick to the stomach how it can go on for that long, i understand some cases can be complicated etc but thats just crazy. i dont know what goes on behind these investigations and what work goes into it that we dont already know and i guess staff etc has a part to play but i think the frustrating part is the lack of communication and response and the fact that nothing is no longer in our control. Our lives are stuck on hold.
I am now expected to be waiting for a while now but the communciation via the OIC is still beyond rubbish and disappointing.
I really hope your nightmare is over soon. i guess i could possibily be in for a lot more longer wait than i thought xxx
I am now expected to be waiting for a while now but the communciation via the OIC is still beyond rubbish and disappointing.
I really hope your nightmare is over soon. i guess i could possibily be in for a lot more longer wait than i thought xxx
My person has just had a form to fill in as OIC wants to extend bail but it has to go to magistrates to be agreed to. Paperwork states that devices and all other investigations should be complete by early next year. That will be 18 months since arrest.
Caggie164-- Wow, i didnt realise that paperwork would need to be filled in. i always thought that after the 3rd extension it automatically went to magistrates court for an extension. This will be my OH 3rd extension.
and early next year???? wow! thats still a while. how long has it been since you had the "knock" if you dont mind me asking? xxx
and early next year???? wow! thats still a while. how long has it been since you had the "knock" if you dont mind me asking? xxx
Hi,
I wanted to address the holidays thing and ss question. Are you able to be sole supervisor of contact? If the safety plan that they have closed with is only for no contact in the home then you don't need ss permission to go away and stay separately. If you aren't signed off as supervisor, only grandparents then it's probably best to contact them and request an assessment although this is unlikely to happen prior to the summer holidays now xxx
I wanted to address the holidays thing and ss question. Are you able to be sole supervisor of contact? If the safety plan that they have closed with is only for no contact in the home then you don't need ss permission to go away and stay separately. If you aren't signed off as supervisor, only grandparents then it's probably best to contact them and request an assessment although this is unlikely to happen prior to the summer holidays now xxx
It's been almost nine months x
Distressed and Pregnant-- Thank you so much for your reply. yeah i am a supervisor. i can supervise them with him on my own and grandparents can supervise if im not there and he cant come into the home or sleep at our home overnight. SW does know we have a famly holiday booked in December and was perfectly fine with that and said "oh it will be over and done with by then"...not sure if they expect us to have it all sorted by then but its looking unlikely by others timescales.
But Thank you for confirming that, i didnt know if it would be something i would have to ask them or not. He can go anywhere etc with them as long as im there and if im not, the grandparents can be. That seems to be a worry solved so thank you so much.
I always seem to overtink things with SS as i just want to do whats right by them but making sure its as fair as it can be where possible.
I can now look forward to our little breaks away now xxx
But Thank you for confirming that, i didnt know if it would be something i would have to ask them or not. He can go anywhere etc with them as long as im there and if im not, the grandparents can be. That seems to be a worry solved so thank you so much.
I always seem to overtink things with SS as i just want to do whats right by them but making sure its as fair as it can be where possible.
I can now look forward to our little breaks away now xxx
Hi, I'm going through this for a second time. My ex downloaded IIOC. The most recent crime, he was arrested two years and two months ago. It went to the CPS about six weeks ago. We are none the wiser. It's a complete farce and a nightmare. We have learned along the way to take EVERYTHING that the Police, Probation, Solicitors, Barristers etc say with an extremely large pinch of salt. X
We are coming up to a year and SS told me a figure about how many images had been searched through but it is clearly a lie when the policy contacted OH just the other week asking for the laptop password (one he provided at interview).....sadly they all lie, either by design as having a conversation about the truth would be too hard or they are generally useless / disorganised / have no control over the time taken to search devices etc. Neither option is great, is it?
I feel lucky as bail only went on for 6 months and now he is RUI but what that does mean??? is means nothing is moving forward at all now so I fear it will be multiple years.
So the trauma of being a partner will come again in x years time when SS who have now stepped away with safety plan in place will come back into my life, investigate and interview again as if it was a brand new offence.
Day to day I now forget about it (after 6 months of thinking about it every day), and am torn between being stuck in limbo for ever (at least I know where I stand) and moving forward.
And then when they finally decide to start doing somthing the 10 years on the SOR count starts..... and I know I will feel back at square 1.
I feel lucky as bail only went on for 6 months and now he is RUI but what that does mean??? is means nothing is moving forward at all now so I fear it will be multiple years.
So the trauma of being a partner will come again in x years time when SS who have now stepped away with safety plan in place will come back into my life, investigate and interview again as if it was a brand new offence.
Day to day I now forget about it (after 6 months of thinking about it every day), and am torn between being stuck in limbo for ever (at least I know where I stand) and moving forward.
And then when they finally decide to start doing somthing the 10 years on the SOR count starts..... and I know I will feel back at square 1.
2 years, second interview and waiting in an admin queue before going to cps
marema 2233. - oh my - your post shows just how incompetent the system is, it seems the authorities haven't a clue what they are doing causing horrendous time scales. It results in pain all round and it must be agony for you and certainly wrong to bring so much distress/disruption into your children's lives.
Not a lot to offer really, but just felt I had to offer you and all the other ladies caught up in these horrendous circumstances, my understanding & sympathy.
Not a lot to offer really, but just felt I had to offer you and all the other ladies caught up in these horrendous circumstances, my understanding & sympathy.