Total newbie lost and alone
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I'm not sure where or how to start, I just need to get it out and maybe someone can help tell me what we would be looking at I don't know.
So on the way to our local city in febuary, the police pulled my person over and arrested him ( they had a marker on the car, left me stranded on the side of the road, after refusing to assist me ( I'm classed as a vulnerable adult ) not one officer at the scene, there was 6 would tell Me what they was being arrested for or who they were ( police are a major trigger )
After having my home searched and 2 laptops taken ( now returned still waiting on their mobile) I was then told it was for attempted sexual communication, with a police decoy.l, aged 12 ????
We have since spoken to their solicitor on the phone and they did say in their opinion and what they could remember that they would need more to charge, as they would need to use their imagination as to what my person meant.
To then change their mind via email, or is this to prepare us for the worst?
The police also mentioned, when they released them, that it may just be a caution or even a possible nfa, but who knows.
We have since also found out that my person was groomed when younger and potentially has a personality disorder that causes black outs so they dont even recall any of this.
I don't condone what they have done, and im massively broken.... but I'm hoping someone can maybe give me a little glimmer of hope.
So on the way to our local city in febuary, the police pulled my person over and arrested him ( they had a marker on the car, left me stranded on the side of the road, after refusing to assist me ( I'm classed as a vulnerable adult ) not one officer at the scene, there was 6 would tell Me what they was being arrested for or who they were ( police are a major trigger )
After having my home searched and 2 laptops taken ( now returned still waiting on their mobile) I was then told it was for attempted sexual communication, with a police decoy.l, aged 12 ????
We have since spoken to their solicitor on the phone and they did say in their opinion and what they could remember that they would need more to charge, as they would need to use their imagination as to what my person meant.
To then change their mind via email, or is this to prepare us for the worst?
The police also mentioned, when they released them, that it may just be a caution or even a possible nfa, but who knows.
We have since also found out that my person was groomed when younger and potentially has a personality disorder that causes black outs so they dont even recall any of this.
I don't condone what they have done, and im massively broken.... but I'm hoping someone can maybe give me a little glimmer of hope.
Hi there and I'm so sorry about this situation and totally understand how confused and traumatising it must be for you.
At first we all grab words of hope and comfort from what the police tell us but many of us have learnt the hard way that often they are very economical with the truth and their second language can be lying. Having said that there must be some who are honest and careful with their words which makes it hard to know whether to trust the police or not especially at the start of all this.
Similarly solicitors make sweeping predictions about what they think might happen but until the investigation is finished they can't possibly know for sure although hopefully they don't actually lie, just try to instil some hope in you and predict based on the info they do have. The antidote to relying on what you might be told is to run things past, ask questions, have a rant etc on this forum. We will always be honest with you.
Your OH would really benefit from getting in touch with StopSo which is a charity signposting people to therapists who have specialist training in these kinds of offences. It sounds as if there are some big unresolved issues in his life which a therapist could help with. Also there is a lot of info on the Lucy Faithfull website which he could work through along wth you perhaps.
I'm disgusted that the police abandoned you like that and I think it really warrants a complaint. The trouble is that we are all so scared of making things worse that we hold back from saying anything critical which the police probably know.
Just to add that your are neither lost (you've found us!) or alone (we've got you!)
Sending a hug your way x
At first we all grab words of hope and comfort from what the police tell us but many of us have learnt the hard way that often they are very economical with the truth and their second language can be lying. Having said that there must be some who are honest and careful with their words which makes it hard to know whether to trust the police or not especially at the start of all this.
Similarly solicitors make sweeping predictions about what they think might happen but until the investigation is finished they can't possibly know for sure although hopefully they don't actually lie, just try to instil some hope in you and predict based on the info they do have. The antidote to relying on what you might be told is to run things past, ask questions, have a rant etc on this forum. We will always be honest with you.
Your OH would really benefit from getting in touch with StopSo which is a charity signposting people to therapists who have specialist training in these kinds of offences. It sounds as if there are some big unresolved issues in his life which a therapist could help with. Also there is a lot of info on the Lucy Faithfull website which he could work through along wth you perhaps.
I'm disgusted that the police abandoned you like that and I think it really warrants a complaint. The trouble is that we are all so scared of making things worse that we hold back from saying anything critical which the police probably know.
Just to add that your are neither lost (you've found us!) or alone (we've got you!)
Sending a hug your way x
Hi rainy day, thankyou for your kind reply.
My person is currently in counselling for whats happened in the past to him as well as trying to get help for our current situation, so he's already on with things like that.
I'm not sure which words to take from his solicitor, the conversation on the phone or the emails she has sent, a huge part of me wants to believe what she said on the phone, but who knows especially with the police too.
I'm going to put a massive complaint in when all this is done with, as I don't want to take any risks on them taking it out on my person. He made the arresting officers aware that I get classed as vulnerable, they told me they were going to move our car and come back and speak to me, instead they moved the car and jumped in his colleagues van leaving me extreamly upset, scared and in the middle of a city I don't really know.
My person is currently in counselling for whats happened in the past to him as well as trying to get help for our current situation, so he's already on with things like that.
I'm not sure which words to take from his solicitor, the conversation on the phone or the emails she has sent, a huge part of me wants to believe what she said on the phone, but who knows especially with the police too.
I'm going to put a massive complaint in when all this is done with, as I don't want to take any risks on them taking it out on my person. He made the arresting officers aware that I get classed as vulnerable, they told me they were going to move our car and come back and speak to me, instead they moved the car and jumped in his colleagues van leaving me extreamly upset, scared and in the middle of a city I don't really know.
I'm so glad your OH is getting some help and I hope you have some support around you too.
I'm glad you are going to make a complaint. I lie in bed at night planning what we will write once we're out of the hands of the police - such careless and unprofessional behaviour for us but nothing as drastic as what you experienced.
As for the solicitor I'd be inclined to take more notice of anything you have in writing as then there's a papertrail so less likely to say things carelessly, whereas a conversation can be denied. I'm sure she meant well though, whereas the police.......
Keep in touch on here if it helps x
I'm glad you are going to make a complaint. I lie in bed at night planning what we will write once we're out of the hands of the police - such careless and unprofessional behaviour for us but nothing as drastic as what you experienced.
As for the solicitor I'd be inclined to take more notice of anything you have in writing as then there's a papertrail so less likely to say things carelessly, whereas a conversation can be denied. I'm sure she meant well though, whereas the police.......
Keep in touch on here if it helps x