School and Other Parents
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So we got the knock in Jan 22. My Husband denied having communication about a child under 10.
Social Services closed within the first 4 months.
police bail on day of arrest also allowed communication by FaceTime only with children. After 3 months this was lifted and he was allowed full access including back to family home except overnight.
my children go to a very small village school (91 children in total) so everyone is connected somehow. For the last year I managed to blag that my husband was working away at every nativity, sports day etc to the other parents. School have been amazingly supportive to me and the children.
now the file has gone to CPS I am thinking of next moves etc if there are charges and it goes public. I really really do not want to move schools. But facing I may have to?
what have other people done? If it was public how did other parents react? Did you tell any of them? I have made some other great mum friends that unknowingly have gotten me through such a horrendous time and I hate lying all the time and painting a face on. But I have to protect my family as we all have. Just wondering what other peoples experiences were or what you did to counter any gossip etc.
Social Services closed within the first 4 months.
police bail on day of arrest also allowed communication by FaceTime only with children. After 3 months this was lifted and he was allowed full access including back to family home except overnight.
my children go to a very small village school (91 children in total) so everyone is connected somehow. For the last year I managed to blag that my husband was working away at every nativity, sports day etc to the other parents. School have been amazingly supportive to me and the children.
now the file has gone to CPS I am thinking of next moves etc if there are charges and it goes public. I really really do not want to move schools. But facing I may have to?
what have other people done? If it was public how did other parents react? Did you tell any of them? I have made some other great mum friends that unknowingly have gotten me through such a horrendous time and I hate lying all the time and painting a face on. But I have to protect my family as we all have. Just wondering what other peoples experiences were or what you did to counter any gossip etc.
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Hello, I can understand your difficulty around pretending he is away working ect. It is really really hard! I used the working nights, working away lots too. It's so hard pretending everything is fine, it is exhausting but unfortunately telling people will likely make it harder than it already is. When I was debating what I would do as a friend if my friend told me, I knew I wouldn't abandon my friend in anyway but I'd always look at her a little differently and I didn't want to have my friends doing that to me.
The worry of the media is horrible. Lucky ours wasn't reported. I actually avoided making new friends and became withdrawn from existing friends, I realise now that was to protect myself, new friends would've meant more judgement and the existing friends if I kept them at arms length I could continue at arms length if it went public, but this was no way to live, it's already isolating without isolating myself but you live and learn....
You say the school is supportive, thankfully most always seem to be. Maybe discuss what would happen if it became public knowledge. This helped me. x
The worry of the media is horrible. Lucky ours wasn't reported. I actually avoided making new friends and became withdrawn from existing friends, I realise now that was to protect myself, new friends would've meant more judgement and the existing friends if I kept them at arms length I could continue at arms length if it went public, but this was no way to live, it's already isolating without isolating myself but you live and learn....
You say the school is supportive, thankfully most always seem to be. Maybe discuss what would happen if it became public knowledge. This helped me. x
My knock was November 2020 and we are going to court in August. Police still not released the phone for forensics so who knows if court case will go ahead in August. I've talked myself into a truth that I told everyone and it kind of works now. I just said we were taking time apart as he was struggling with his mental health but still doing things together as a family. He has supervised access. I complied with child services so that they would leave us alone, which they did. Sometimes people question why he doesn't help more and I just say he is not feeling great or has to work. Eventually people stopped questioning it. I told close friends but even some of those just drifted away and stopped contacting me or responding to my messages. Create your own version of the story and stick to it or you can end up giving mixed messages. I hope it is not as long for you as it had been for us, but you could be in this for a long time so be comfortable with your story. Good luck. X