Hey everyone,
I have been so anxious and nervous about discussing this but I have seen the help and advice you have helped others with.
I am at a loss, the knock on the door came in October 2022 and my whole world got tipped upside down. My ex was being arrested for IIOC and I had my 9month old son upstairs sleeping. How could this be happening, all I could think was that I was going to wake up and it just be a nightmare.
The police seemed to be judging me and so unsympathetic to the situation. The social services made me feel like I was a horrible mother for still wanting my son to see his dad. If I ever thought he would be at risk, I would think the same.
I have no ideas of what has happened and I can not get any information from anyone in authority, all I keep getting told is that it takes time. It is now June 2024 and still have zero answers. It is coming up to two years now.
Surely this should be coming to an end soon?
I am battling every day with anxiety and every time I hear a car door, I feel on edge. Does anyone else have this?
I want to be supportive as I don't want to believe that my son's father, who I had been with for a long time, could do something like this. He won't talk about it with me and says that he didn't do anything but if that's the case then why won't he tell me anything.
I just don't know what to do, it all still feels so raw! I dont want to think I'll of him but equally, him being around fills me with such anxiety and so many questions.
I have his family asking questions as we called off our wedding last year and have been living apart. I can't face it to tell them and in all honesty, I know there would be a massive backlash from him, which I am not mentally prepared to deal with.
Sorry that this is such a rambling, I just don't know how to get it all out ????
I have been so anxious and nervous about discussing this but I have seen the help and advice you have helped others with.
I am at a loss, the knock on the door came in October 2022 and my whole world got tipped upside down. My ex was being arrested for IIOC and I had my 9month old son upstairs sleeping. How could this be happening, all I could think was that I was going to wake up and it just be a nightmare.
The police seemed to be judging me and so unsympathetic to the situation. The social services made me feel like I was a horrible mother for still wanting my son to see his dad. If I ever thought he would be at risk, I would think the same.
I have no ideas of what has happened and I can not get any information from anyone in authority, all I keep getting told is that it takes time. It is now June 2024 and still have zero answers. It is coming up to two years now.
Surely this should be coming to an end soon?
I am battling every day with anxiety and every time I hear a car door, I feel on edge. Does anyone else have this?
I want to be supportive as I don't want to believe that my son's father, who I had been with for a long time, could do something like this. He won't talk about it with me and says that he didn't do anything but if that's the case then why won't he tell me anything.
I just don't know what to do, it all still feels so raw! I dont want to think I'll of him but equally, him being around fills me with such anxiety and so many questions.
I have his family asking questions as we called off our wedding last year and have been living apart. I can't face it to tell them and in all honesty, I know there would be a massive backlash from him, which I am not mentally prepared to deal with.
Sorry that this is such a rambling, I just don't know how to get it all out ????
Hi, firstly well done for reaching out on here, the first post is never easy to write and secondly, I'm sorry to know that you've found yourself here, it's an awful journey to be on full.
The length of time you are waiting is sadly quite common at the moment. The police will be doing their investigation and will then send all the evidence to the CPS who will then decided on the charges.
In my experience SS often push for a separation as they view that as the least risky option whilst the investigation is ongoing. Does your ex have any bail restrictions limiting the contact he has with his child? My person was RUI do SS put the children on the safeguarding register and made sure there was no unsupervised contact throughout the investigation. He now has a SHPO which states no unsupervised contact with under 18's unless SS agree. They haven't agreed so the supervised contact continues.
It sounds as if you've been struggling to navigate your way through all this alone. Have you contacted your GP about your anxiety as it might be that medication could help reduce your symptoms. I also recommend contacting the LFF helpline if you haven't already done so as you'll find them really supportive to your situation.
There are many reasons why people find themselves in the situation your ex is in and he might need help identifying how he has got here and what he needs to do to prevent reoffending in the future. If he hasn't already done so, I'd also suggest to him that he contacts the LFF helpline for help and support. If he hasn't told his family and he is not opening up to you, he could be feeling completely lost and overwhelmed by the whole situation.
Please keep in contact and make sure you look after yourself.
The length of time you are waiting is sadly quite common at the moment. The police will be doing their investigation and will then send all the evidence to the CPS who will then decided on the charges.
In my experience SS often push for a separation as they view that as the least risky option whilst the investigation is ongoing. Does your ex have any bail restrictions limiting the contact he has with his child? My person was RUI do SS put the children on the safeguarding register and made sure there was no unsupervised contact throughout the investigation. He now has a SHPO which states no unsupervised contact with under 18's unless SS agree. They haven't agreed so the supervised contact continues.
It sounds as if you've been struggling to navigate your way through all this alone. Have you contacted your GP about your anxiety as it might be that medication could help reduce your symptoms. I also recommend contacting the LFF helpline if you haven't already done so as you'll find them really supportive to your situation.
There are many reasons why people find themselves in the situation your ex is in and he might need help identifying how he has got here and what he needs to do to prevent reoffending in the future. If he hasn't already done so, I'd also suggest to him that he contacts the LFF helpline for help and support. If he hasn't told his family and he is not opening up to you, he could be feeling completely lost and overwhelmed by the whole situation.
Please keep in contact and make sure you look after yourself.
Thank you for your reply ?? it's such an awful situation to be in and it's such a shame that so many people are in this situation.
He was originally bailed but now he is RUI with no bail conditions but SS have said until it's over, all the agreed conditions with them are to stay in place.
It's awful how long it takes, so many families out there that are still waiting for answers in order to move on. I am currently getting help and support for my anxiety. I just can't seem to get rid of this awful feeling and flash backs when I hear a car outside or my doorbell senses motion.
Thank you again, so much. I honestly didn't think I would get a response so I am so grateful xx
He was originally bailed but now he is RUI with no bail conditions but SS have said until it's over, all the agreed conditions with them are to stay in place.
It's awful how long it takes, so many families out there that are still waiting for answers in order to move on. I am currently getting help and support for my anxiety. I just can't seem to get rid of this awful feeling and flash backs when I hear a car outside or my doorbell senses motion.
Thank you again, so much. I honestly didn't think I would get a response so I am so grateful xx
Anxiously x
Well done for reaching out, the first post is always the hardest, but you have come to the right place for help and support xx
I really cannot add anymore to what Ocean has said but there are lots of wonderful ladies that have to deal with SS so can give you so much advise
Your self wellbeing is so so important so please try to get as much support as possible xx
I just wanted to let you know we are here should you need us xx
Well done for reaching out, the first post is always the hardest, but you have come to the right place for help and support xx
I really cannot add anymore to what Ocean has said but there are lots of wonderful ladies that have to deal with SS so can give you so much advise
Your self wellbeing is so so important so please try to get as much support as possible xx
I just wanted to let you know we are here should you need us xx
Hi, unfortunately it really is a slow process. My ex was arrested about 26 months ago. His case went to the CPS about 9 weeks ago and we haven't heard anything. Make sure you get your partner to allow you full disclosure with the Police and the Solicitor so you can get information from them. All the best to you. X
Thank you for your kind responses.
I got the phonecall on Monday to say that all the devices were back and it has now gone to CPS for review. Hopefully only a couple more months and then we will have definite answers.
If it goes to court then I will be attending to see exactly what has been found. My OH id still maintaining his innocence despite them having evidence.
I just don't know what to think. Could it be an honest mistake or definitely not ??
I am struggling to understand why, even though they have evidence, there is still a possibility that CPS will drop the charge? It's is baffling to me xxx
I got the phonecall on Monday to say that all the devices were back and it has now gone to CPS for review. Hopefully only a couple more months and then we will have definite answers.
If it goes to court then I will be attending to see exactly what has been found. My OH id still maintaining his innocence despite them having evidence.
I just don't know what to think. Could it be an honest mistake or definitely not ??
I am struggling to understand why, even though they have evidence, there is still a possibility that CPS will drop the charge? It's is baffling to me xxx