Struggling
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Hello all, it’s been a while since I’ve been on here. It’s almost 8 weeks now since I discovered indecent images on my husbands phone. I eventually saw him again and we talked, endlessly. It’s difficult trying to discuss things with my husband as he is not the type to discuss things but prefers to bury his head in the sand and hope things go away. I’m the complete opposite.
He admitted to me last night that he fancies school girls and older teens of 17, 18 and 19. Although he is currently under investigation for having indecent images of 8-12 year olds on his phone which I am still struggling to deal with very much, knowing that he is attracted to teenagers of 14 and up is destroying me. Can anyone please tell me if this is normal? Are most men attracted to teenagers? I have nobody to talk to about this, which is why I find myself sitting here at 6am writing this after being unable to sleep for hours. My mind never stops and I am driving myself crazy with the thoughts going through my head. I’m losing it.
He admitted to me last night that he fancies school girls and older teens of 17, 18 and 19. Although he is currently under investigation for having indecent images of 8-12 year olds on his phone which I am still struggling to deal with very much, knowing that he is attracted to teenagers of 14 and up is destroying me. Can anyone please tell me if this is normal? Are most men attracted to teenagers? I have nobody to talk to about this, which is why I find myself sitting here at 6am writing this after being unable to sleep for hours. My mind never stops and I am driving myself crazy with the thoughts going through my head. I’m losing it.
Seamack. Please call the helpline when able. Talking it through with someone wi probably ease your mind.
Sending you love x
Sending you love x
Thank you Partner, I will xx
Poster, thank you, I really do appreciate your reply. I’m 55, fat & ugly and have had 4 children so I’ve got all the stretch marks, dimples and wrinkles etc and my husbands ideal woman is 18, slim, beautiful with perfect big boobs, no stretch marks marks or dimples, so I can’t help but torture myself. As a policeman said when he came to visit me because I was suicidal, my husbands ideal woman is the complete opposite of me. The policeman was only being honest but it really is true. I’m nothing whatsoever like my husbands ideal woman so I wonder why he even married me in the first place x
Seamack
How dare that officer say that to you about your husbands type! You are not fat, ugly or any of those words you've used to describe yourself - you are strong, you are BEYOND brave and you will be happy again one day with someone who deserves you and is lucky to have you.
You have brought children into this world - your body did that. Your stretch marks are a mark of honour of what it can do.
Keep your head held high - you are not the villain in this. X
How dare that officer say that to you about your husbands type! You are not fat, ugly or any of those words you've used to describe yourself - you are strong, you are BEYOND brave and you will be happy again one day with someone who deserves you and is lucky to have you.
You have brought children into this world - your body did that. Your stretch marks are a mark of honour of what it can do.
Keep your head held high - you are not the villain in this. X
Hi Seamack
So I'm like you, I'm 54, size 16 (gone up a size since this crap because all I do is eat crap!) I've had 2 sons who, like your children, my world, people I would willingly lay my life down for! I've got saggy boobs, big belly and stretch marks, but you know what I wouldn't swap the perfect body for my children.
At the start of all this 18 months or so ago, vi also felt like you, how could he find me attractive if he was viewing 14 year old girls and finding them attractive (turns out it was never 14 year old girls but 8 and lower!!) I would wonder, who was he thinking about when we were intimate, you can torture yourself with all of this but actually in the end it's down to confidence.
So what if I have stretch marks, so what if I'm about 3 stone over weight, that doesn't change what's happened, this is about him and burying his head in the sand is going to do him no good whatsoever. He needs help to look at his behaviour, he also needs to think about why he's hurting you in this way!!
You are doing so well, this is an amazing forum, the advice from the ladies is unreal, the helpline is fantastic. Have you thought about counselling? I'm managed to get mine through my GP and my counsellor has done wonders and brought me to a point in my life where I'm managing, I'm getting my confidence back, yes I still have knock backs because my ex (soon to be) is an arse but I manage them so much better!
If you wanted to join Mumsnet my user name is TB14 several of us have done it and I'm now in contact with about 25 ladies, it's amazing
Please hold your head up, you are a lovely, attractive lady and a fantastic mum
Much love xx
So I'm like you, I'm 54, size 16 (gone up a size since this crap because all I do is eat crap!) I've had 2 sons who, like your children, my world, people I would willingly lay my life down for! I've got saggy boobs, big belly and stretch marks, but you know what I wouldn't swap the perfect body for my children.
At the start of all this 18 months or so ago, vi also felt like you, how could he find me attractive if he was viewing 14 year old girls and finding them attractive (turns out it was never 14 year old girls but 8 and lower!!) I would wonder, who was he thinking about when we were intimate, you can torture yourself with all of this but actually in the end it's down to confidence.
So what if I have stretch marks, so what if I'm about 3 stone over weight, that doesn't change what's happened, this is about him and burying his head in the sand is going to do him no good whatsoever. He needs help to look at his behaviour, he also needs to think about why he's hurting you in this way!!
You are doing so well, this is an amazing forum, the advice from the ladies is unreal, the helpline is fantastic. Have you thought about counselling? I'm managed to get mine through my GP and my counsellor has done wonders and brought me to a point in my life where I'm managing, I'm getting my confidence back, yes I still have knock backs because my ex (soon to be) is an arse but I manage them so much better!
If you wanted to join Mumsnet my user name is TB14 several of us have done it and I'm now in contact with about 25 ladies, it's amazing
Please hold your head up, you are a lovely, attractive lady and a fantastic mum
Much love xx
Hilltop478, poster and Tracey,
Wow! I am truly amazed and thankful that you have took the time to write such long, lovely and helpful replies. When I logged on I wasn’t expecting one reply, let alone 3. Even going through your own nightmares you have taken the time to help and support me and that means so much. Thank you! I actually am fat. 17 stone and size 20. All due to turning to food for comfort. I am hopeful that I will get through this horrible nightmare I am living in. I think it’ll be so much easier once the police investigation is complete and I know exactly what I am dealing with. Then I will be able to start moving on and getting out from under this terrible cloud I have over me at the moment. My weekend will be a tiny bit better because of the 3 of you, I don’t feel so alone now. Thank you, truly. Sending each of you a big hug xxx
Wow! I am truly amazed and thankful that you have took the time to write such long, lovely and helpful replies. When I logged on I wasn’t expecting one reply, let alone 3. Even going through your own nightmares you have taken the time to help and support me and that means so much. Thank you! I actually am fat. 17 stone and size 20. All due to turning to food for comfort. I am hopeful that I will get through this horrible nightmare I am living in. I think it’ll be so much easier once the police investigation is complete and I know exactly what I am dealing with. Then I will be able to start moving on and getting out from under this terrible cloud I have over me at the moment. My weekend will be a tiny bit better because of the 3 of you, I don’t feel so alone now. Thank you, truly. Sending each of you a big hug xxx
Tracey,
I had counselling last year due to my husbands interest in porn, teenagers and schoolgirls. That was before I found the pictures of 8-12 year olds on his phone. I have self referred myself for more counselling and I am awaiting a response. Again, a very huge thank you xx
I had counselling last year due to my husbands interest in porn, teenagers and schoolgirls. That was before I found the pictures of 8-12 year olds on his phone. I have self referred myself for more counselling and I am awaiting a response. Again, a very huge thank you xx
Actually though Seamack, it doesn't matter what size we are, it's what's inside that counts and I can tell you're a lovely person.
Let him deal with his demons, and it does need dealing with and you look after yourself and your lovely children xx
Let him deal with his demons, and it does need dealing with and you look after yourself and your lovely children xx
Seamack, it doesn't matter what size you are or how old you think you look - even though I am sure you are fine just as you are - what matters most is that you are a good person. When all is said and done we all end up in coffins the same size, and I'd much rather someone say "they were a good person" than say "she had a lovely arse considering how old she was"!!
Xxx
Xxx
Thank you for your kind words Tracey. I really do appreciate it.
Hugs, and goodnight.
Seamack xx
Hugs, and goodnight.
Seamack xx
Hilltop478,
Thank you also for your kind words. Also, as miserable as I’ve been your arse comment did make me smile. Hugs and goodnight.
Seamack xx
Thank you also for your kind words. Also, as miserable as I’ve been your arse comment did make me smile. Hugs and goodnight.
Seamack xx
Hi Seamack,
You have had some great responses. Firstly you have done nothing wrong, do not accept any blame for your husbands viewing habits. We all come in many shapes and sizes and I like to think the more mature we are the less we focus on outward appearance and more on the personality side of things and want partners who make us laugh, are fun to be with through life.
Sadly sicking his head in the sand won't work at this stage. Take is easy on yourself and it isn't down to you to resolve this. He has admitted to a problem and he needs to face up to it.
xxxx
You have had some great responses. Firstly you have done nothing wrong, do not accept any blame for your husbands viewing habits. We all come in many shapes and sizes and I like to think the more mature we are the less we focus on outward appearance and more on the personality side of things and want partners who make us laugh, are fun to be with through life.
Sadly sicking his head in the sand won't work at this stage. Take is easy on yourself and it isn't down to you to resolve this. He has admitted to a problem and he needs to face up to it.
xxxx
Hi Seasmack
This sounds like his problem, not your’s. My partner’s therapist told me that “teen” was the biggest market in the porn industry (18 and over) so there seems to be a lot of men chasing their youth.
You can’t change him, you can only change the way you respond to him.
I have put on loads of weight since this all happened but think he is lucky I am sticking by him - sounds like your partner is lucky to have had you.
thinkingof you x
This sounds like his problem, not your’s. My partner’s therapist told me that “teen” was the biggest market in the porn industry (18 and over) so there seems to be a lot of men chasing their youth.
You can’t change him, you can only change the way you respond to him.
I have put on loads of weight since this all happened but think he is lucky I am sticking by him - sounds like your partner is lucky to have had you.
thinkingof you x
CornishTea and Big sigh,
Thank you both for your replies. They are greatly appreciated.
Take care, both of you xx
Thank you both for your replies. They are greatly appreciated.
Take care, both of you xx