How to explain to toddler he can't see his dad..
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Hello,
Sorry for slightly long post but feel it needs the backstory a little bit...
My ex was initially arrested in Jan 2023 in suspicion of sending an image via a snapchat account. He was initially allowed supervised contact and has still been seeing our kid multiple times a week either with me or his mum present. He did admit certain things to me in relation to this. Because police have still been investigating I've remained civil and done my best to coparent. But he's recently been re-arrested in light of all of the evidence that's come back on his devices from the police investigation. The police have told me that there has been substantial evidence of images spanning all categories and from over a decade time period. And of boys and girls. This is far more than he made me aware of and police had added a no contact bail conditions which social services are supporting.
So my question is... how the hell do you explain to a 3 year old that he can't see his dad. Who he adores and loves. I've managed to get away with it so far by saying his dad's been away. We are also going away this week so have managed to distract him with excitement of that but once we are back next week, I know the questions and asking to see his dad will start. I just have no idea what to say or how to explain that he can't see his dad again..
Any advice would be amazing!!
Thanks
Sorry for slightly long post but feel it needs the backstory a little bit...
My ex was initially arrested in Jan 2023 in suspicion of sending an image via a snapchat account. He was initially allowed supervised contact and has still been seeing our kid multiple times a week either with me or his mum present. He did admit certain things to me in relation to this. Because police have still been investigating I've remained civil and done my best to coparent. But he's recently been re-arrested in light of all of the evidence that's come back on his devices from the police investigation. The police have told me that there has been substantial evidence of images spanning all categories and from over a decade time period. And of boys and girls. This is far more than he made me aware of and police had added a no contact bail conditions which social services are supporting.
So my question is... how the hell do you explain to a 3 year old that he can't see his dad. Who he adores and loves. I've managed to get away with it so far by saying his dad's been away. We are also going away this week so have managed to distract him with excitement of that but once we are back next week, I know the questions and asking to see his dad will start. I just have no idea what to say or how to explain that he can't see his dad again..
Any advice would be amazing!!
Thanks
Hi,
I couldn't read and not reply as I know how nerve wracking it is to post. You may get more replies in the discussion and support section.
I don't have any experience with telling a toddler as I was pregnant until after sentencing.
Sending love and strength xxx
I couldn't read and not reply as I know how nerve wracking it is to post. You may get more replies in the discussion and support section.
I don't have any experience with telling a toddler as I was pregnant until after sentencing.
Sending love and strength xxx
Hi there - this is awful for you and actually not at all 'child focussed' which is the lens through which everything Children's Services do should be viewed.
We are dreading a similar situation as our son waits for his investigation to conclude as he lives with us and we have his children here regularly and we supervise, although he has to sleep elsewhere. I guess the difference is that his children are much older so could say if anything untoward should occur and that might be why things are so drastic for you. But it doesn't negate the fact that children need a relationship with their parents to thrive and develop healthily (even if it has to be out in the community). Also we are expecting some problems if there are images of both boys and girls discovered, not because we believe our son wanted those specifically but we know he was downloading 'bundles' and selecting the ones he wanted but of course we can't be 100% sure about that and can understand why the SW has reacted.
If you haven't already perhaps it would help if you devised a safety plan including eveidence that you take safeguarding seriously. We did a couple of online DIY courses with the NSPCC and read a book recommended by someone which we put in our plan as well as some practical ideas. Then the children's SW came here and assessed us for protective capacity which was positive (although they still said we couldn't safeguard safely at night). Is your little one on any official plan with SS? If not perhaps ask if you can be on a Children in Need plan (not as scary as it sounds) as that would give you a forum to have some conversations about this rather than feeling at the mercy of others who think they know best. Having said that, others on here haven't had good experiences with SS so I suggest that tentatively!
Do PM me if you'd just like a shoulder to cry on xx
We are dreading a similar situation as our son waits for his investigation to conclude as he lives with us and we have his children here regularly and we supervise, although he has to sleep elsewhere. I guess the difference is that his children are much older so could say if anything untoward should occur and that might be why things are so drastic for you. But it doesn't negate the fact that children need a relationship with their parents to thrive and develop healthily (even if it has to be out in the community). Also we are expecting some problems if there are images of both boys and girls discovered, not because we believe our son wanted those specifically but we know he was downloading 'bundles' and selecting the ones he wanted but of course we can't be 100% sure about that and can understand why the SW has reacted.
If you haven't already perhaps it would help if you devised a safety plan including eveidence that you take safeguarding seriously. We did a couple of online DIY courses with the NSPCC and read a book recommended by someone which we put in our plan as well as some practical ideas. Then the children's SW came here and assessed us for protective capacity which was positive (although they still said we couldn't safeguard safely at night). Is your little one on any official plan with SS? If not perhaps ask if you can be on a Children in Need plan (not as scary as it sounds) as that would give you a forum to have some conversations about this rather than feeling at the mercy of others who think they know best. Having said that, others on here haven't had good experiences with SS so I suggest that tentatively!
Do PM me if you'd just like a shoulder to cry on xx
This is so heart breaking, and I am finding it very hard to understand how the authorities can be so cruel to small children in the name of "protecting" them.
I'm sorry I don't have any answers, but my heart goes out to you
I'm sorry I don't have any answers, but my heart goes out to you
Hi Sarah, it so so hard to work out what is best in terms of children. I understand why the police and social feel this way BUT when contact is completely supervised I don't understand why for the sake of the child they don't allow contact. 3 is little, I'm not sure of your child's level of understanding but could you carrying on saying he is away... I feel that is the most appropriate for a 3 year olds understanding. You can't really say you'll never see him again as it's incredibly unlikely that that will be the case and if you say we can see him soon, soon is too open, soon could be the soon you say when they as for a snack or 6months time. I hope you are okay xx