Where do I start?
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The police knocked on our door this time last year. They told us that someone had accessed images using our ip address. We were asked to attend voluntary interview and devices were taken.
One year later and we have just been asked to again attend voluntary interview. During this time my husband confessed that it was him that had viewed the images.
He has had a terrible few years with being passed over for promotion, losing his job, having pre and post natal depression and losing his grandma. He began to use porn as a way to feel something again when the numbness of his depression was taking over.
I knew nothing of this use and did not know about his depression. We are currently at the stage where the police need to interview me again to ascertain that i knew nothing and then he will be arrested and bailed.
I don't know what to do, what happens next or what to expect from the whole thing. I am so scared. The man I love who obviously needs professional help is really struggling with his world falling apart. Social services have become involved due to our daughter and we must go through assessments but before that happens he has moved in with a relative.
He has told me he does not feel sexually attracted to children and the thrill was from being able to find increasingly taboo subjects. The offending was very brief and stopped 6 months before police came to our house.
I think I just need someone to tell me the potentials of where this could go and what impact this will ahve on us as a family. How long will proceedings take?
One year later and we have just been asked to again attend voluntary interview. During this time my husband confessed that it was him that had viewed the images.
He has had a terrible few years with being passed over for promotion, losing his job, having pre and post natal depression and losing his grandma. He began to use porn as a way to feel something again when the numbness of his depression was taking over.
I knew nothing of this use and did not know about his depression. We are currently at the stage where the police need to interview me again to ascertain that i knew nothing and then he will be arrested and bailed.
I don't know what to do, what happens next or what to expect from the whole thing. I am so scared. The man I love who obviously needs professional help is really struggling with his world falling apart. Social services have become involved due to our daughter and we must go through assessments but before that happens he has moved in with a relative.
He has told me he does not feel sexually attracted to children and the thrill was from being able to find increasingly taboo subjects. The offending was very brief and stopped 6 months before police came to our house.
I think I just need someone to tell me the potentials of where this could go and what impact this will ahve on us as a family. How long will proceedings take?
Piratey12 give the help line a call - they always help when your head is swimming and will be able to answer most of your questions I am sure x
Hi
The huge problem is there is no consistency with this, there are no rules that the police or SS follow.
Some people have a good SW who doesn't over react, others have one that bans him from the house and expects you to never be with him again.
The police forces times friend on where you are in the country, I was lucky, we got the knock in April 2018 he was sentenced in March 2019. Relatively short period of time in this whole mess.
With sentencing again there is no hard or fast rule, a lot seems to depend on the judge on the day, the remorse shown, the help they are getting etc.
Please ring the helpline, they are great and will be able to answer your questions
Much love xx
The huge problem is there is no consistency with this, there are no rules that the police or SS follow.
Some people have a good SW who doesn't over react, others have one that bans him from the house and expects you to never be with him again.
The police forces times friend on where you are in the country, I was lucky, we got the knock in April 2018 he was sentenced in March 2019. Relatively short period of time in this whole mess.
With sentencing again there is no hard or fast rule, a lot seems to depend on the judge on the day, the remorse shown, the help they are getting etc.
Please ring the helpline, they are great and will be able to answer your questions
Much love xx
Hi
The huge problem is there is no consistency with this, there are no rules that the police or SS follow.
Some people have a good SW who doesn't over react, others have one that bans him from the house and expects you to never be with him again.
The police force depends on where you are in the country, I was lucky, we got the knock in April 2018 he was sentenced in March 2019. Relatively short period of time in this whole mess.
With sentencing again there is no hard or fast rule, a lot seems to depend on the judge on the day, the remorse shown, the help they are getting etc.
Please ring the helpline, they are great and will be able to answer your questions
Much love xx
The huge problem is there is no consistency with this, there are no rules that the police or SS follow.
Some people have a good SW who doesn't over react, others have one that bans him from the house and expects you to never be with him again.
The police force depends on where you are in the country, I was lucky, we got the knock in April 2018 he was sentenced in March 2019. Relatively short period of time in this whole mess.
With sentencing again there is no hard or fast rule, a lot seems to depend on the judge on the day, the remorse shown, the help they are getting etc.
Please ring the helpline, they are great and will be able to answer your questions
Much love xx
Hi,
Sorry to hear that you are in this crappy situation in which we all find ourselves.
As Tracey has said there is absolutely no consistency across social services or the police. Decisions vary and length of time also varies.
We had the knock March 2018, Device analysis took until June 2019, decided to charge husband Aug 2019, SS asked him to leave the house in August. He is pleading not guilty. We go to magistrates in next few weeks and it is not likely to get to trial until summer 2020.
The one thing you need in this situation is nerves of steel, there is no rhyme or reason to anything and trying to get straight answers is impossible sometimes.
xx
Sorry to hear that you are in this crappy situation in which we all find ourselves.
As Tracey has said there is absolutely no consistency across social services or the police. Decisions vary and length of time also varies.
We had the knock March 2018, Device analysis took until June 2019, decided to charge husband Aug 2019, SS asked him to leave the house in August. He is pleading not guilty. We go to magistrates in next few weeks and it is not likely to get to trial until summer 2020.
The one thing you need in this situation is nerves of steel, there is no rhyme or reason to anything and trying to get straight answers is impossible sometimes.
xx
Hi Piratey12
i am surprised SS didn’t become involved when the police first came.
even if the police interview is voluntary, pleas please please make sure he has a solicitor present. The fact that the police haven’t arrested him even now may indicate they are unsure what to do. Whilst your husband may have admitted to you that he has viewed illegal images, it may be best to take legal advice before speaking to the police about this. This is not that I think that people should “get away” with illegal things, it is just that he may inadvertently admit to viewing some images (or types of images) that he hasn’t. For example, he may have looked at cat c images but bundled up in there (unbeknownst to him) may have been a cat A image. This would mean if he admitted to everything in his desire to rid himself of his guilt, he may end up with a much harsher sentence than he deserved.
As far as SS are concerned - as other people have said on here, they tend to take different stances according to i) the area you live in ii) the personal experience of the SW iii) the way the wind is blowing on that day.
i would suggest you read up on their child protection procedures on your local child safeguarding board website - at least that way you will understand timescales, procedures, etc. I would also suggest going to the Family Rights Group website - if you end up at a CP conference they have a really good video of what to expect from a CP conference.
Work with SS as best you can, write a note of every visit/ phone call and the overall important things that were said. If you agree to do something or they do, back up in writing via an email saying “further to our conversation, I am just recapping what was agreed.....” so you have an audit trail. SWs come and go quite quickly (especially in areas where the services have been judged inadequate by Ofsted) and they don’t always keep their records up to date so it is important you have things in writing.
i have been dealing with SS for over 10 months now, so happy to answer any questions as best I can. Just remember they have no legal power to do much (only a judge does ) so you have every right to think through things if they advise you to ask your husband to leave - you don’t have to react right away.
i am surprised SS didn’t become involved when the police first came.
even if the police interview is voluntary, pleas please please make sure he has a solicitor present. The fact that the police haven’t arrested him even now may indicate they are unsure what to do. Whilst your husband may have admitted to you that he has viewed illegal images, it may be best to take legal advice before speaking to the police about this. This is not that I think that people should “get away” with illegal things, it is just that he may inadvertently admit to viewing some images (or types of images) that he hasn’t. For example, he may have looked at cat c images but bundled up in there (unbeknownst to him) may have been a cat A image. This would mean if he admitted to everything in his desire to rid himself of his guilt, he may end up with a much harsher sentence than he deserved.
As far as SS are concerned - as other people have said on here, they tend to take different stances according to i) the area you live in ii) the personal experience of the SW iii) the way the wind is blowing on that day.
i would suggest you read up on their child protection procedures on your local child safeguarding board website - at least that way you will understand timescales, procedures, etc. I would also suggest going to the Family Rights Group website - if you end up at a CP conference they have a really good video of what to expect from a CP conference.
Work with SS as best you can, write a note of every visit/ phone call and the overall important things that were said. If you agree to do something or they do, back up in writing via an email saying “further to our conversation, I am just recapping what was agreed.....” so you have an audit trail. SWs come and go quite quickly (especially in areas where the services have been judged inadequate by Ofsted) and they don’t always keep their records up to date so it is important you have things in writing.
i have been dealing with SS for over 10 months now, so happy to answer any questions as best I can. Just remember they have no legal power to do much (only a judge does ) so you have every right to think through things if they advise you to ask your husband to leave - you don’t have to react right away.