Lonely and waiting
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Hi, my anxiety it absolutely through the roof, I’m convinced people I know will see what I’m writing, it’s taken me hours to write this post.
my Husband was arrested last Tuesday morning at 7.30am.
The police searched my home for nearly 2 hours, then when they had finished just said wait for SS to get in touch.
its now Monday morning and I have had no contact from anyone.
my husband has moved out of the family home, and I won’t let him see his daughter.
i thought this was the best thing to do considering...
i have felt so lonely and isolated for the past week, I’m convinced people are watching my house and waiting for me to make some sort of mistake then take my kids from me.
i only found out about this charity from my husband who thought it would help me. I’ve been too scared to type anything in my browser for help just in case the words I use flag some sort of warning up.
I just don’t know what to do, how long was it before SS contacted any of you ladies.
my Husband was arrested last Tuesday morning at 7.30am.
The police searched my home for nearly 2 hours, then when they had finished just said wait for SS to get in touch.
its now Monday morning and I have had no contact from anyone.
my husband has moved out of the family home, and I won’t let him see his daughter.
i thought this was the best thing to do considering...
i have felt so lonely and isolated for the past week, I’m convinced people are watching my house and waiting for me to make some sort of mistake then take my kids from me.
i only found out about this charity from my husband who thought it would help me. I’ve been too scared to type anything in my browser for help just in case the words I use flag some sort of warning up.
I just don’t know what to do, how long was it before SS contacted any of you ladies.
Hi Sia,
I really feel for you. I remember so well being in that horrible shocked, traumatised state just after the knock.
One of the things I did was ring the NSPCC helpline (I know that sounds a bit odd but I was absolutely desperate and hadn't realised about Lucy F at that stage) Anyway, they were brilliant. And one of the pieces of advice they gave me was to pro-actively contact Social Services. They said I could approach it by explaining the situation and say that I just wanted to see what support they could offer me. So I did. And it came out later that I'd contacted them days before the police did.
Anyway, my experience with SS after that was up and down. I was convinced they were going to take my daughter away. I now know it's just a process they have to go through, and they have to look at worst case scenario etc etc. But it kept coming up as a big positive that I'd proactively made that initial phone call. Apparently it helped show that I was putting my daughter first from the outset. I was surprised at what a difference it made.
So I'd say take a deep breath and pick up the phone...and get the name of the person you speak to for future reference.
And do ring Lucy F helpline. They are so wonderful and they keep telling you that you haven't done anything wrong. I needed to hear that a lot to start with.
And it will get better.
Take care,
Hope xx
I really feel for you. I remember so well being in that horrible shocked, traumatised state just after the knock.
One of the things I did was ring the NSPCC helpline (I know that sounds a bit odd but I was absolutely desperate and hadn't realised about Lucy F at that stage) Anyway, they were brilliant. And one of the pieces of advice they gave me was to pro-actively contact Social Services. They said I could approach it by explaining the situation and say that I just wanted to see what support they could offer me. So I did. And it came out later that I'd contacted them days before the police did.
Anyway, my experience with SS after that was up and down. I was convinced they were going to take my daughter away. I now know it's just a process they have to go through, and they have to look at worst case scenario etc etc. But it kept coming up as a big positive that I'd proactively made that initial phone call. Apparently it helped show that I was putting my daughter first from the outset. I was surprised at what a difference it made.
So I'd say take a deep breath and pick up the phone...and get the name of the person you speak to for future reference.
And do ring Lucy F helpline. They are so wonderful and they keep telling you that you haven't done anything wrong. I needed to hear that a lot to start with.
And it will get better.
Take care,
Hope xx
Hi Sia
You are already taking great steps in protecting your daughter.
My expererience with SS is not a positive one. Don't expect them too offer any help or advice. I also have a daughter and was worried about the impact on her, as she was here when the knock happened. She witnessed the whole thing and I was worried she might have been a victim. A couple of days later SS phoned to say they were outside my house. It was a very brief visit. I did phone them several times after this but nobody seems available or phones you back. I know from reading other posts ,this seems to be normal. The SS also visited my daughters school and forgot to invite me, this was two months after the knock. This made me mad. So my advice to you is don't worry about SS, they are useless.
However the help line is amazing and will put your mind at rest. Please muster up the courage to phone them.
I hope you are coping and I am sorry this has happened to you but you are not alone and this site offers loads of advice and information. All the best X
You are already taking great steps in protecting your daughter.
My expererience with SS is not a positive one. Don't expect them too offer any help or advice. I also have a daughter and was worried about the impact on her, as she was here when the knock happened. She witnessed the whole thing and I was worried she might have been a victim. A couple of days later SS phoned to say they were outside my house. It was a very brief visit. I did phone them several times after this but nobody seems available or phones you back. I know from reading other posts ,this seems to be normal. The SS also visited my daughters school and forgot to invite me, this was two months after the knock. This made me mad. So my advice to you is don't worry about SS, they are useless.
However the help line is amazing and will put your mind at rest. Please muster up the courage to phone them.
I hope you are coping and I am sorry this has happened to you but you are not alone and this site offers loads of advice and information. All the best X
Hi
Im afraid I don't bring good news but I too was told it would just be a few days for children's services to be in touch, it was in fact four weeks! Even then we still have to wait for 45 day assessment to be completed before supervised contact can be agreed. This situation is hard enough as it is without my children asking me when they can see him again and me not being able to give an answer. Sorry just wanted to let you know that there doesn't appear to be any set procedures that all areas are consistent with so it really does depend where you are and on your case. Stay strong and take each day at a time x
Im afraid I don't bring good news but I too was told it would just be a few days for children's services to be in touch, it was in fact four weeks! Even then we still have to wait for 45 day assessment to be completed before supervised contact can be agreed. This situation is hard enough as it is without my children asking me when they can see him again and me not being able to give an answer. Sorry just wanted to let you know that there doesn't appear to be any set procedures that all areas are consistent with so it really does depend where you are and on your case. Stay strong and take each day at a time x
Hi ladies,
so as advised by Hope yesterday, I called SS myself. After numerous waits and speaking with different people, I was told someone would call me back yesterday afternoon. This didn’t happen!!
I then made the decision to go into my daughters school and speak with the head.
It was so difficult but the head was absolutely amazing and I felt so much better.
i have just got off the phone from SS, who finally called me this morning.
after a long conversation and numerous questions, she said she was satisfied I could safeguard my children and had a good understanding of the situation.
She then said she was closing it down at her end and warned me that it could be a very long time for the police investigation to conclude. She said I could ring them anytime if I needed advice but to call the Helpline of the LFF.
I can’t thank you enough for your messages of support and advice, yesterday I felt so alone and isolated... Today I feel a little bit stronger, knowing I’m not alone and that I can come on this forum and get the support that I so desperately needed from the second we receive “The Knock”.
My next step is to ring the helpline, as I feel actually talking about it will benefit me massively.
Thank you all again, to offer support to others when you yourselves are going through Hell is an amazing thing to do.
I send each and everyone of you huge amounts of love and respect.
xxxxx
so as advised by Hope yesterday, I called SS myself. After numerous waits and speaking with different people, I was told someone would call me back yesterday afternoon. This didn’t happen!!
I then made the decision to go into my daughters school and speak with the head.
It was so difficult but the head was absolutely amazing and I felt so much better.
i have just got off the phone from SS, who finally called me this morning.
after a long conversation and numerous questions, she said she was satisfied I could safeguard my children and had a good understanding of the situation.
She then said she was closing it down at her end and warned me that it could be a very long time for the police investigation to conclude. She said I could ring them anytime if I needed advice but to call the Helpline of the LFF.
I can’t thank you enough for your messages of support and advice, yesterday I felt so alone and isolated... Today I feel a little bit stronger, knowing I’m not alone and that I can come on this forum and get the support that I so desperately needed from the second we receive “The Knock”.
My next step is to ring the helpline, as I feel actually talking about it will benefit me massively.
Thank you all again, to offer support to others when you yourselves are going through Hell is an amazing thing to do.
I send each and everyone of you huge amounts of love and respect.
xxxxx
Hi Sia,
I think we all remeber the day of the knock! It is over 18 months since my knock and my anxiety is up and down but I am learning to manage it.
I find it odd that SS have discharged you, are you planning on your child not having contact with her dad. This is a long drawn out process, by the time we go to court it'll be 2.5 years since the initial knock. The police and the legal system work very slowly.
We are all at various stages of this journey. some women have left their partners and others are staying with them. Whichever you choose you will find lots of support on here.
xxxx
I think we all remeber the day of the knock! It is over 18 months since my knock and my anxiety is up and down but I am learning to manage it.
I find it odd that SS have discharged you, are you planning on your child not having contact with her dad. This is a long drawn out process, by the time we go to court it'll be 2.5 years since the initial knock. The police and the legal system work very slowly.
We are all at various stages of this journey. some women have left their partners and others are staying with them. Whichever you choose you will find lots of support on here.
xxxx