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Fearfuloffuture

Member since
June 2024

31 posts

My person is my husband. We had the knock about a month ago now and he is struggling so much with life. He hasn't gone back to work since it happened and has cut himself off completely from everyone even his parents who have been supportive of what's happening. He has always suffered with his mental health and has Emotionaly Unstable Personality Disorder but now he is suicidal :( its so hard to hear him say he doesn't want to be here anymore and that everyone is better off without him. We have a 10 month old too. I've tried to encourage him to reach out and speak to someone but he just doesn't want to... is there anything I can do to refer him myself? He needs help, urgently. I've called oxleas but they don't really seem bothered by my worries. Or a counseller of some kind that he can talk to and not feel judged. He has bad demons from his past but just hates talking about things so keeps them in until he explodes. I feel with this hanging on his shoulder its taking him over the edge :(

Posted Sat June 22, 2024 5:20pmReport post

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2504 posts

Fear x

I'm so sorry you have found yourself self here and having the added worry of your Husband's MH its such a difficult journey

My son was the same for the 19 months he was under investigation he was suicidal every waking moment and he often told me and his sister he didn't want to be here anymore (heartbreaking)

He called the LFF helpline a few times and they gave him a list of therapists who deal with this type of offending, I also called the Crisis team and they were so good they came out spent time with him, then had regular meetings with him until he started his weekly therapy sessions, I hope you have some support also as you cannot carry everything on your shoulders

If he wont reach out because he is struggling or is emotionally depressed you can call the crisis team and let them know your concerns

As difficult as this journey is please know you are not alone we are here for you

Sending strength and hugs xx

Posted Sat June 22, 2024 5:33pmReport post

Holdingthegrenade

Member since
June 2024

235 posts

So sorry to hear you're going through this fear xxx

This sometimes feels like as the partners were being asked too much of, we are not the offender but the pressure, the lies, the responsibility is somehow all on us.

The police came and told me and I can't ever forget or un-hear it. I have to support my person so their mental health doesn't tank (I'm not sure I can forgive them but this is a person who I've spent half my life with married and had a child together).I should hate them but....I can't just watch them suffer like this, they're paranoid, anxious, withdrawn and very depressed.

Sometimes it feels like it's just not fair as it affects us just as much! I'm the one who is going to have to support myself financially, I have to supervise the visits, I have to go through all the plans with the social workers on how I'm going to keep my child safe. I have to shoulder this secret (away from friends and family) and I have to lie to my child to cover for why their parent isn't there/can't do this etc. I will probably have to face the reality of becoming a single parent and facing losing everyone I love if this comes out, and the stigma that comes with it. And best of all I can't tell anyone or talk about it because of what it is. It's really unfair.

My person has joined sex addicts anonymous to try to see if that helps them understand how they got in this place. We've both been referred to talking therapies by the social worker but I'm not convinced they've done it as every meeting we have they're supposed to have done something but admit they haven't yet. I've only just been triaged for therapy as I also self-referred and was referred by my GP after contacting them about anxiety and the insomnia since the knock so I think that bumped me up the list. My person is also working through the online counselling worksheets via LFF. I'm trying to get them to refer into STOPSO for one to one therapy but as there's a cost per session its going to make it harder to access as I don't know how many sessions they'll need and we'd struggle to afford it. Samaritans and the LFF Stopitnow helpline are great if you just need someone to talk to. He could try them. But obviously he has to want to call them....you can't do it for him or make him.

Again I'm sorry to see you here and wish you all the best of luck. Were all in really similar leaky boats in an absolute horror of a storm so please reach out to the forum if you need it. They are an absolute lifeline in here.

Posted Mon June 24, 2024 1:47amReport post

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