Marriage over - how to get through the next day's
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My person is 15 months into an investigation for uploading a video on kik. Denied absolutely everything, seemed distraught. I decided to stay with him and wait till the outcome of the investigation. 2 months ago he finally admitted that he was in porn chats in kik, something he'd previously denied. He begged me to give him another chance. I did on the basis that he found a way to prove he could be trusted.
This weekend I caught him on a dating app. Literally saw him chatting to women on it. He claimed he was lonely and felt like I hated him and once again cried, begged, pleaded for another chance.
I decided that's my final straw, I told him to leave and now I'm alone with my 5 year old. He can't have unsupervised contact, so will come over 3x per week to see him while I supervise. My 5 year old knows we're no longer together and I've spoken to his teacher to let her know.
I've no family in this country, they are very far away, and I've no local friends, and the ones I have, I've distanced myself from given the investigation. I feel like I've torn away a family life that was seemingly perfect from my child.
What do I do now? How do I survive this, and what can I do for my child?
This weekend I caught him on a dating app. Literally saw him chatting to women on it. He claimed he was lonely and felt like I hated him and once again cried, begged, pleaded for another chance.
I decided that's my final straw, I told him to leave and now I'm alone with my 5 year old. He can't have unsupervised contact, so will come over 3x per week to see him while I supervise. My 5 year old knows we're no longer together and I've spoken to his teacher to let her know.
I've no family in this country, they are very far away, and I've no local friends, and the ones I have, I've distanced myself from given the investigation. I feel like I've torn away a family life that was seemingly perfect from my child.
What do I do now? How do I survive this, and what can I do for my child?
You are stronger than you would ever believe you are!
it takes time, but you will slowly build friends. Friends don't need to know why you've separated, you just keep it simple & say it just wasn't working.
Maybe reach out to some of the friends you distanced yourself from?
With the summer holidays from school imminent see if your local authority have any summer activities suitable for a 5yr old, you may meet other mums and dads there that are not linked to your current school and new friendships will blossom.
Children are incredibly resilient and will adapt to a new routine much much quicker than we do.
And of course, always the ability to chat and vent on here with total anonymity.
look after yourself x x
it takes time, but you will slowly build friends. Friends don't need to know why you've separated, you just keep it simple & say it just wasn't working.
Maybe reach out to some of the friends you distanced yourself from?
With the summer holidays from school imminent see if your local authority have any summer activities suitable for a 5yr old, you may meet other mums and dads there that are not linked to your current school and new friendships will blossom.
Children are incredibly resilient and will adapt to a new routine much much quicker than we do.
And of course, always the ability to chat and vent on here with total anonymity.
look after yourself x x
My marriage is over too, so I feel your pain, although we don't have children. Since my husband's arrest in October I've discovered so much more that he's done illegally online, has downloaded, potentially some incidents in person, and indecent behaviour that goes back to before and when we were first together 20+ years ago when I invited him to come and live in my house. He's betrayed me the whole time, yet I was oblivious.
I'm devastated as I thought I was with my soulmate, but divorce was the only decision I could make, as I would never trust him again. I've now been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the horrific evidence I've found and had to look at and I'm receiving therapy.
I don't really have any friends local to me but I'm finding others who live far away and my family who are local are being hugely supportive.
My best advice (which I don't always follow, it's easier said than done!) is to take things one day at a time. We somehow have to dig deep and find the strength to get through this dreadful time. xx
I'm devastated as I thought I was with my soulmate, but divorce was the only decision I could make, as I would never trust him again. I've now been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the horrific evidence I've found and had to look at and I'm receiving therapy.
I don't really have any friends local to me but I'm finding others who live far away and my family who are local are being hugely supportive.
My best advice (which I don't always follow, it's easier said than done!) is to take things one day at a time. We somehow have to dig deep and find the strength to get through this dreadful time. xx
Thank you for replying, it helps. It's been a very very bad day as he's just admitted the truth tonight. I feel like I can't breathe. Luckily I've got a. Doctors appointment tomorrow and I'll call the helpline in the morning, after I've taken my child to school.
I'm so sorry you're in this spot too.
I'm so sorry you're in this spot too.
You are doing the right thing going to the doctor. I didn't want to take anti depressants but I think they do help remove some of the anxiety
I've ended my relationship after other stuff came out.
We deserve better - and we need to look after ourselves. We will all get through this somehow
Take care of yourself
I've ended my relationship after other stuff came out.
We deserve better - and we need to look after ourselves. We will all get through this somehow
Take care of yourself
Thank you @anxiousgirl - I appreciate the support.
Hi. I can't cope anymore. Any advice welcome. This is a mess as I write it.
Just over one year into my marriage my husband told me he had a Shpo. A court case before he met me resulted in suspended sentence (served). He didn't tell me details and he only told me minimal information as Police would visit. I was and still on medication at the time. If I had known what I sort of know now I would not have gone on first date nevermind a relationship or marriage. I feel tricked and trapped.
Relationship has been controlled and non sexual. All makes sense now.
I wanted to leave the marriage but I became unwell then on a unnounced police house visit prior to Christmas, resulted in an investigation, charge for breach as Shpo which resulted in Crown Court Community Service and probation.
I can't cope with it anymore, I do not know full story/ facts. He didn't want me at court. I didn't argue to go as didn't want to make my home life more difficult. I do not like confrontation. I believe he may have used my medical conditions for leniency/ the impact on me. I can't find any trace of court case so unsure if used me to get anonymity. He got Community Service and Probation. I believe he also had a big fine but has not told me.
Probation are going to visit and now my husband doesn't want me in the house when they visit. He says because of putting me through any awkward questions and also if I say the wrong thing to make things worse. He says he will tell me what happens. However I know he will just share what he wants to protect him not me or make it up. I feel he drip feeds me information to benefit him.
I am living with my husbands crime(s) which I don't have full disclosure so I don't know what I am dealing with - can only assume he is on SOR as police protection do unannounced. Police can't tell me anything only that i don't have full story and I should ask him and set boundaries. I am scared to ask as previously when i asked my husband he gets angry, shuts it down saying he was in a bad place and brings back bad memories.
Thank god we have no children. When we met he said he didn't want children. Now I know there was a reason for this. I can't use Sarah's law. I can't get full picture. I have to piece it together myself.
Will probation officer make effort to contact me as I live in house and I am the wife? Am I allowed to speak to probation? Will I make things worse!
At the moment I feel as If I have been prescribed selected , like a tick box exercise selected, to meet a criteria to suit help him, used to lower his risk, transform his life for the better and pay the bills.
He knew what he was doing when entering into relationship when still serving suspended sentence. I didn't know. Everything has been built on lies. I do not know everything now.
I do no know how to raise the conversation of divorce! How do I start the conversation? Anyone else been in similar situation?
Just over one year into my marriage my husband told me he had a Shpo. A court case before he met me resulted in suspended sentence (served). He didn't tell me details and he only told me minimal information as Police would visit. I was and still on medication at the time. If I had known what I sort of know now I would not have gone on first date nevermind a relationship or marriage. I feel tricked and trapped.
Relationship has been controlled and non sexual. All makes sense now.
I wanted to leave the marriage but I became unwell then on a unnounced police house visit prior to Christmas, resulted in an investigation, charge for breach as Shpo which resulted in Crown Court Community Service and probation.
I can't cope with it anymore, I do not know full story/ facts. He didn't want me at court. I didn't argue to go as didn't want to make my home life more difficult. I do not like confrontation. I believe he may have used my medical conditions for leniency/ the impact on me. I can't find any trace of court case so unsure if used me to get anonymity. He got Community Service and Probation. I believe he also had a big fine but has not told me.
Probation are going to visit and now my husband doesn't want me in the house when they visit. He says because of putting me through any awkward questions and also if I say the wrong thing to make things worse. He says he will tell me what happens. However I know he will just share what he wants to protect him not me or make it up. I feel he drip feeds me information to benefit him.
I am living with my husbands crime(s) which I don't have full disclosure so I don't know what I am dealing with - can only assume he is on SOR as police protection do unannounced. Police can't tell me anything only that i don't have full story and I should ask him and set boundaries. I am scared to ask as previously when i asked my husband he gets angry, shuts it down saying he was in a bad place and brings back bad memories.
Thank god we have no children. When we met he said he didn't want children. Now I know there was a reason for this. I can't use Sarah's law. I can't get full picture. I have to piece it together myself.
Will probation officer make effort to contact me as I live in house and I am the wife? Am I allowed to speak to probation? Will I make things worse!
At the moment I feel as If I have been prescribed selected , like a tick box exercise selected, to meet a criteria to suit help him, used to lower his risk, transform his life for the better and pay the bills.
He knew what he was doing when entering into relationship when still serving suspended sentence. I didn't know. Everything has been built on lies. I do not know everything now.
I do no know how to raise the conversation of divorce! How do I start the conversation? Anyone else been in similar situation?