Family and Friends Forum

I highly doubt my person has been honest and truthful with me. I'm sure that he gave me his santitised version of events to try and save his own bacon.

There is no trust so there is no longer a marriage.

I don't think he would know the truth if it was right in front of him.

It's so difficult because sometimes I think they aren't being honest with themselves and that means that can't be honest with us.



Mine was adament he didn't see anything and now evidence shows he shared a link but no evidence he clicked the link or saw anything on there but the whole way through they've made it seem like he sought it out etc and even now they still make it seem intentional even though they can't prove it.



I think there are definitely situations where the person didn't mean to see something but it doesn't mean they didn't and doesn't make it any more legal.

This is something I worry about a lot as my partner has claimed he has no idea why he's being investigated, that he hasn't done anything wrong and says he has nothing to hide with them looking through his devices. I truly love him and want to believe him but don't want to be naive.

The constant mixed feelings and confusion is so draining..

My oh was honest but I still had my doubts thats why we got private cyber expert I needed to know the search history, I got no surprises at all attended all court appearances and solicitor meetings as well its the one positive to come out of this I know he was completely honest

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Dragonmama



How do you look at the evidence yourself? We're 5 days post knock. Police said they acted on intelligence of a photo shared at my address (not from or to specifically but at)

Husband says accidental click on a link on KIK.



SS said he admitted to lots of images. I don't know who to believe.

In the early weeks of discovering my husband's illegal and indecent activites, he looked me in the eyes and swore he'd told me everything and that he'd never had any in-person contact. I've since found out that neither is true.

I think, in his case, he's been lying to me and deceiving everyone for so long that he can't tell the difference. He was living two separate worlds but now they've collided and I think he blames me, because I was the one who found the images and reported him and I've since handed a lot more horrifying evidence in to the police. He's sullied every memory I have of us, wasted 20+ years of my life, and totally destroyed our/my future.

There's no way I could ever trust him again and that realisation has led to divorce and putting our house up for sale.

Hi, after the knock my ex told me he'd started becoming attracted to children since the age of 13. He's highly educated and had a good life. We'd been together for 30 years and have four kids. I didn't think he would cope when he went to prison. I visited him every other week even though it took a day out of my life each time. He left me destitute, sick and on benefits. I lost all my friends and eventually became homeless. I thought he'd never, ever do it again. He was full of remorse and would often cry at visits. He threw away being allowed to have any contact with two of his kids. He got into a rhythm when he was released and lived his own life. He seemed ok. Then, two years ago, he was arrested again for the exact same thing. These last two years have been Hell. I was very naive after he was released the first time. I now believe that he will do and say ANYTHING to cover his back. He will lie and lie and lie forever. He will ALWAYS put it above us. Even though the only people I have left in this world are my son and my ex, I know I will never believe anything he says ever again and I simply cannot rely on him. X

terrified and alone,

in my opinion, you need to take anything that the police or SS's say with a very large pinch of salt. They will say things to try to make you comply with what they want you to do or not do and also if it makes their lives easier. For example, if SS's say to you that your person had some something utterly horrendous and is amongst the worst they've ever seen, they might be saying that so that you cut all ties with your person, get divorced and cut all ties keeping your kids away. This saves them tons of work. The day of the knock in my case, the Police said all sorts of things that were blatant lies and I'm sure they did it so I didn't ask questions and didn't become hysterical. X

Hi, I think it's really tricky because of course this is a horrible thing to think about and it's even worse to talk about. I don't want to tarnish everyone with the same brush but there will be for sure some that leaves some bits out and some that say everything, there will also be some that do not remember it all. I had the solicitor send me the full CPS report when it was ready which was before it was sent to court.

The social worker will not want you to say you believe you've been told everything because of course until your person was caught they were being dishonest and not telling you (unless they told you before the arrest) Having you spoken to the officer incharge and asked for more information, that's an option. x

It's a strange one..... I don't think my son lied to us, I think he deceived us. Life went on - we all went to work and did the routine stuff (as we all do) with not a single suspicion anything untoward was going on under our roof.....

I think he was more stupid and nieve to think he wouldn't get caught, thought he was safe hidden away in his room. But he got caught out big time.

I'll always say, I'm glad he was caught - for his own sake. His behaviour had developed and I dread to think what would have happened if it wasn't nipped in the bud....

I just pray to god, he can move on, rebuild his life and never venture down this evil path again.

My son was honest with us to a point but left out a detail which we only learned about in court. Just prior to going into plea hearing he met with his solicitor and came out of the room looking devestated. It was at that point that he told us about one of the charges.

I believe my husband was fully honest with me, and less was found than he admitted to which helps me believe him. He also engaged in a lot of therapy and work with professionals to understand himself and what happened better, and he shared this with me.

SS will not have all the information as the police only tell them the least they can to enable safeguarding, v unlikely that they'd give SS full disclosure as it could disrupt their investigation if SS disclosed it to you and you told him

This is a taboo crime, and a social worker like many of the general public will find it repulsive and see it as the worst thing etc, but they need to assess individual risk (hard, to be fair to them, with such limited information and evidence, but it can be done).

If he has a solicitor get full disclosure so you're able to stay up to date and get hold of evidence as necessary

Best thing for your person to do is start working with a therapist; this has enabled my marriage and family to survive and 6 months or so past sentencing we're living a very nearly normal family life



Good luck

Amethyst x

When we had the knock my son told me what he was arrested for , then when charged I had a full disclosure as he was held on remand so we set up a teams call with his solicitor so I was fully aware of his crime before court

Now we talk openly about his offending and how we ended up on this journey

I can ask him anything and he just opens up it's a shame it took this to happen for him.to be open and honest x

Amethyst- no comment isn't always bad. Mine was open because he felt innocent and comments made that had no relevance were manipulated to sound more sinister than they were. Whether he's innocent or not those comments were and they used them against him.