Any other parents of an autistic child ‘suspect’
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Firstly, I am so glad to have found this safe space. Although I haven't yet come across anyone with an identical story - it's reassuring (and also deeply sad) to know that there are so many of us living such similar experiences. Supporting family members and loved ones through a time of crisis whilst trying to keep everything going as normal, despite being totally traumatised and exhausted ourselves. I salute you all and I'm standing in soladarity with every single one of you.
My story is this. My son is 15 (Autistic and mild LD). We had 'the knock' Summer '23 (my son was 14 at time of knock, 13 at time of offences). Everything siezed. Voluntary interview. It tipped life upside down. I don't really know if life will ever be the same again. The whole thing has felt like a fever dream. My son has attempted to take his life on many occasion and I am tempted to take mine also. Life was tough before this, but it's unbearable now. The anxiety and stress this has brought my son is unimaginable.
Of course, I feel for the victim, or did at the beginning. Now I'm angry and bitter. This feels like a totally unfair and disproportionate response to what my son is alleged to have done taking into account his conditions.
I have no real family support or anyone to vent to other than friends, some family have even shunted my son since finding out. I have good friends but it's hard when people can't understand the stress the situation is putting on you. Everyone keeps telling me the case will be NFA'd but we are coming up to a year now and there is no sign of this happening. The last few years of my babies childhood are being consumed by this. He's suffered enough.
Love & strength to all xxx
My story is this. My son is 15 (Autistic and mild LD). We had 'the knock' Summer '23 (my son was 14 at time of knock, 13 at time of offences). Everything siezed. Voluntary interview. It tipped life upside down. I don't really know if life will ever be the same again. The whole thing has felt like a fever dream. My son has attempted to take his life on many occasion and I am tempted to take mine also. Life was tough before this, but it's unbearable now. The anxiety and stress this has brought my son is unimaginable.
Of course, I feel for the victim, or did at the beginning. Now I'm angry and bitter. This feels like a totally unfair and disproportionate response to what my son is alleged to have done taking into account his conditions.
I have no real family support or anyone to vent to other than friends, some family have even shunted my son since finding out. I have good friends but it's hard when people can't understand the stress the situation is putting on you. Everyone keeps telling me the case will be NFA'd but we are coming up to a year now and there is no sign of this happening. The last few years of my babies childhood are being consumed by this. He's suffered enough.
Love & strength to all xxx
My son but he alot older he 29
He as just been diagnosed with autsim
Different case than yours
My son was attempted sexcuall communication with a decoy
Court date for sentencing 9th Jul after first Court case was reschedule
He as just been diagnosed with autsim
Different case than yours
My son was attempted sexcuall communication with a decoy
Court date for sentencing 9th Jul after first Court case was reschedule
My son but he alot older he 29
He as just been diagnosed with autsim
Different case than yours
My son was attempted sexcuall communication with a decoy
Court date for sentencing 9th Jul after first Court case was reschedule
He as just been diagnosed with autsim
Different case than yours
My son was attempted sexcuall communication with a decoy
Court date for sentencing 9th Jul after first Court case was reschedule
My person is my ex. We have a very young adult son who is Autistic. I have had many conversations since the knock 7 years ago about the dangers of the internet etc. So my situation is different to yours but I COMPLETELY understand why you feel the way you do about ending it. I have felt the same and again more recently as I'm going through this for a second time. I can't imagine the shock you must have felt that your baby was doing this. As Mums we all worry that our kids might get into serious trouble one day but of course we never imagine this scenario. From what you've written, you sound like you're being really hard on yourself. I appreciate that's kind of inevitable but your son is a child and was definitely a child when he "offended ", then you've got the Autism thrown into the mix. From what I've seen on this forum, is mentioned frequently. If you search "autism " all the posts should be there. Are you getting any help from your GP? The LFF run group courses for those of us trying to navigate all this. It's a good way to connect with people who understand a little of what you're going though. You can always ring the helpline too. Sending you much love. X
Thank you for your replies and kind words.
I honestly feel a weight has lifted, knowing this forum exists and reading stories of people going through the same turmoil as us. Each story I read I relate to so much. The trauma, the shame and disgust around being part of this, the secrecy, the not knowing who to trust, not being able to meet your own needs because your too busy trying to keep your person alive, the chasing the police and being lied to continuously by them. I'm just sad that I didn't find this place sooner.
Poppop - I'm so sorry you are going through this hell too. How is your son doing? Is he able to understand what he's done? Does he have a good solicitor? My son is in trouble for harassment and blackmail (in order to gain images of another minor he was friends with who was a couple of years older than him)
Littlerobin - So sorry you have experienced this hell on earth. When you say going through it for the second time, do you mean your ex partner caused a second knock to happen? If so I'm so sorry. As if once isn't bad enough. Yes - it's taught me a lot about the dangers of the internet for children and areas of law I had no idea about. For example I didn't know my son is breaking the law by sending nude images of himself even consensually - but it's classed as creating and distributing indecent images. I wish I had known sooner and could have stopped it, but if anything it's a blessing it happened now, and not in early adulthood where the punishment for my son is likely to be even more harsh.
It does seem like a disproportionate amount of perpetrators (that are caught at least) - have significant learning difficulties, autism or mental health problems - and although what they have done isn't right and needs correcting - I do worry the police aren't really targeting the people higher up the chain facilitating and creating, but instead focusing on 'easy' convictions way down the pecking order, maybe to meet targets.
Maybe I'm just delusional but I've lost all trust and faith in the police system.
Lots of love and strength to all
I honestly feel a weight has lifted, knowing this forum exists and reading stories of people going through the same turmoil as us. Each story I read I relate to so much. The trauma, the shame and disgust around being part of this, the secrecy, the not knowing who to trust, not being able to meet your own needs because your too busy trying to keep your person alive, the chasing the police and being lied to continuously by them. I'm just sad that I didn't find this place sooner.
Poppop - I'm so sorry you are going through this hell too. How is your son doing? Is he able to understand what he's done? Does he have a good solicitor? My son is in trouble for harassment and blackmail (in order to gain images of another minor he was friends with who was a couple of years older than him)
Littlerobin - So sorry you have experienced this hell on earth. When you say going through it for the second time, do you mean your ex partner caused a second knock to happen? If so I'm so sorry. As if once isn't bad enough. Yes - it's taught me a lot about the dangers of the internet for children and areas of law I had no idea about. For example I didn't know my son is breaking the law by sending nude images of himself even consensually - but it's classed as creating and distributing indecent images. I wish I had known sooner and could have stopped it, but if anything it's a blessing it happened now, and not in early adulthood where the punishment for my son is likely to be even more harsh.
It does seem like a disproportionate amount of perpetrators (that are caught at least) - have significant learning difficulties, autism or mental health problems - and although what they have done isn't right and needs correcting - I do worry the police aren't really targeting the people higher up the chain facilitating and creating, but instead focusing on 'easy' convictions way down the pecking order, maybe to meet targets.
Maybe I'm just delusional but I've lost all trust and faith in the police system.
Lots of love and strength to all
Hi Sunshine5,
Yes, my ex created a second Knock. Fortunately it was his brothers house that get raided this time. I've done everything I can to support him and feel so stupid to have believed he wouldn't do it again. It's called so much heartache for my and I. Because he did it again, our three adult children have washed their hands of both me, Him and their brother. It's so very unfair. I'm literally terrified of it going in the press again. Our son is really poorly with severe ME and has recently been diagnosed Autistic. I've literally lost everything because of what my ex has done. X
Yes, my ex created a second Knock. Fortunately it was his brothers house that get raided this time. I've done everything I can to support him and feel so stupid to have believed he wouldn't do it again. It's called so much heartache for my and I. Because he did it again, our three adult children have washed their hands of both me, Him and their brother. It's so very unfair. I'm literally terrified of it going in the press again. Our son is really poorly with severe ME and has recently been diagnosed Autistic. I've literally lost everything because of what my ex has done. X
Sunshine5
My son does understand know
At first he didn't
He was very lonely and drinking alone at time of offence
He was reaching out for affection
I do think the viglantes pray on the vaunable
In his report it says he does recognise communication and social interaction,
I just hope its gets sorted on 9 th Jul
He lost most of friend,family member,house and job
My son does understand know
At first he didn't
He was very lonely and drinking alone at time of offence
He was reaching out for affection
I do think the viglantes pray on the vaunable
In his report it says he does recognise communication and social interaction,
I just hope its gets sorted on 9 th Jul
He lost most of friend,family member,house and job
Robin & Pop - keeping you both in my thoughts. Sorry you are living this hell too. Look after yourselves xxx
I am really sorry you find yourself here. The young person in our family was 16 when they received the knock. He is on the autistic spectrum but does not have a LD. You are very wise to be wary about the police . We were shocked as a family when our young family member was charged and had to attend youth court and now has a conviction record. We honestly thought that it would not be in the publics interest to prosecute as he had never been in any trouble until this happened,but the police and cps thought differently.
Have you been in contact with the helpline.? Your son can get support from them and also maybe look at the young person's course to help him understand the dangers of the Internet and how he ended up where he did. They were really helpful to us .
I am thinking of you and your son.
Have you been in contact with the helpline.? Your son can get support from them and also maybe look at the young person's course to help him understand the dangers of the Internet and how he ended up where he did. They were really helpful to us .
I am thinking of you and your son.
My 14yr old son is currently being investigated, due to a photo sent over whatsapp, only interview he had was at home the morning of the knock. We had the knock march 13th this year, offence was committed sept last year.
Currently in the 'awaiting further information' point, as his phone still hasn't been forensically checked.
He has suspected autism, await testing, which seems to take as long as the police. The stress and strain is appalling.. since the knock he has been unable to mask his autism, so he has been going into meltdown a lot, with 15 suspensions that could have lead to permanent exclusion.
He feels he has ruined his own life and our life and repeatedly says he wants to end it and will end it if he has to go to prison.
The only good to come from this, is chad involvement helped us to access the help we needed that cahms and the school and GPs were refusing to give.
I just want you to know you are not alone, I too scoured this forum in the beginning to see what information I could find... nothing similar.
Currently in the 'awaiting further information' point, as his phone still hasn't been forensically checked.
He has suspected autism, await testing, which seems to take as long as the police. The stress and strain is appalling.. since the knock he has been unable to mask his autism, so he has been going into meltdown a lot, with 15 suspensions that could have lead to permanent exclusion.
He feels he has ruined his own life and our life and repeatedly says he wants to end it and will end it if he has to go to prison.
The only good to come from this, is chad involvement helped us to access the help we needed that cahms and the school and GPs were refusing to give.
I just want you to know you are not alone, I too scoured this forum in the beginning to see what information I could find... nothing similar.
Thank you Alison & just don't know.
I don't know if it would help, or if it's even allowed but I'm happy to set up a support chat on WhatsApp for parents / carers / guardians supporting children & young people with autism / LD going through this process so we all have a safe space to vent.
If it is allowed please PM me your numbers. Xx
I don't know if it would help, or if it's even allowed but I'm happy to set up a support chat on WhatsApp for parents / carers / guardians supporting children & young people with autism / LD going through this process so we all have a safe space to vent.
If it is allowed please PM me your numbers. Xx
Sunshine, this sounds a good idea. My son is 29 with suspected autism. Undiagnosed but pretty obvious in his understanding of social cues etc. Would love to speak further with others in addition to all other wonderful people on this forum.
Sunshine
I am so sorry you have found yourself here and for you both going through this journey with so much uncertainty xx
I cant offer any advice as it is my adult son who offended
There are so many wonderful ladies here who will be able to guide you to getting support for you and your son xx
Just wanted to send you strength and hugs xx
I am so sorry you have found yourself here and for you both going through this journey with so much uncertainty xx
I cant offer any advice as it is my adult son who offended
There are so many wonderful ladies here who will be able to guide you to getting support for you and your son xx
Just wanted to send you strength and hugs xx
Did anything happen about setting up a WhatsApp group ? I could really do with the support - 26 yrs old autistic son , stung by vigilante s 3 years ago - ghastly and traumatic experience and still not resolved
My son was just 4 months over 18 at the knock, we are on the otherside of it all now, but I have deep dived into this more then ever and the autistic community are more at risk of this type of crime then ever. They stuggle social and emotionally and 5 years ago we told them to spend almost 2 years on line, studying, communicating etc so the internet became there social gateway. My son was groomed as well on line, however this wasn't an interest to the police (even though he was 17 when this happened)
Friendships on line are easier for autisic people as the social presure is less, they also are the same as every other young male and are sexually curious, but not social and emotially ready to put themself in situations that will explore them opitunitys, yet all their friends are talking about doing that.
School finishes and all them friendships are going in different ways.
They're very trusting and thing everyone has the same values as they do and if they're in a group where every one is talking, sharing pictures... Then that's ok isn't it? They're also desperate to be excepted. we know its not ok to share and download, but we also have a fully functional rationel as adults and may not stuggle with the world.
I understand what he done was wrong, he shouldn't of shared (3) pictures and had a few pictures on his phone, mostly his age bracket and cartoon (His love of manga is how he fell into this world) unfortunatly they sent him a file which included some younger pictures and they saved as thumb nails, he deleted it stright away as he was disgusted. His worked alot on this in therapy and though the LFF course.
It breaks my heart what happened and we are navigating his life with this over his head and especally the next 3.5 years on the SOR as well as the challenges of being autistic. The Judge was fair but firm and realised what had happened so gave him the minimum he could, I'll always be greatful for that, even if I think it could have been dealt with differently and we are in a numbers game with charges etc. He also demanded the police wiped his phone and gave it back, we asked the police to distroy it as how can be be sure wiping it, wipes everything and we didn't want to take that chance.
Even more so, I don't come on her alot now as it triggers me into a place I'm trying to heal from as well as wanting to support others going through this. however everytime I do I'm seeing more and more young autisic young males mums. I'm so sorry you have found yourself here and I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach for you that I'm sure you are living with at the moment. The rerunning everything through your head, only a few people you can talk too and feeling so lost.
Sending you all lots of love, hugs, strengh and a light to get you through the dark days.
Friendships on line are easier for autisic people as the social presure is less, they also are the same as every other young male and are sexually curious, but not social and emotially ready to put themself in situations that will explore them opitunitys, yet all their friends are talking about doing that.
School finishes and all them friendships are going in different ways.
They're very trusting and thing everyone has the same values as they do and if they're in a group where every one is talking, sharing pictures... Then that's ok isn't it? They're also desperate to be excepted. we know its not ok to share and download, but we also have a fully functional rationel as adults and may not stuggle with the world.
I understand what he done was wrong, he shouldn't of shared (3) pictures and had a few pictures on his phone, mostly his age bracket and cartoon (His love of manga is how he fell into this world) unfortunatly they sent him a file which included some younger pictures and they saved as thumb nails, he deleted it stright away as he was disgusted. His worked alot on this in therapy and though the LFF course.
It breaks my heart what happened and we are navigating his life with this over his head and especally the next 3.5 years on the SOR as well as the challenges of being autistic. The Judge was fair but firm and realised what had happened so gave him the minimum he could, I'll always be greatful for that, even if I think it could have been dealt with differently and we are in a numbers game with charges etc. He also demanded the police wiped his phone and gave it back, we asked the police to distroy it as how can be be sure wiping it, wipes everything and we didn't want to take that chance.
Even more so, I don't come on her alot now as it triggers me into a place I'm trying to heal from as well as wanting to support others going through this. however everytime I do I'm seeing more and more young autisic young males mums. I'm so sorry you have found yourself here and I have that feeling in the pit of my stomach for you that I'm sure you are living with at the moment. The rerunning everything through your head, only a few people you can talk too and feeling so lost.
Sending you all lots of love, hugs, strengh and a light to get you through the dark days.