Sad and hopeful and sad some more!
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I'm so so sad and confused!!!
On Saturday 11/10/19 I was woken up from my turn for a lay in by my partner and a police man standing in our bedroom door way. We have 2 children 9yr girl and 2yr old son who were both up with him getting ready to wake me for our day out. Daughter was naked when they knocked and son was half dressed (could it be any worse!)
I got sorted and come out of our bedroom to my daughter screaming and my partner standing stunned in the kitchen. He got arrested and was taking to the station for questioning. 3 hours later he was home again and the police have kept his phone and will be searching it for the next couple of weeks. They didn't take my phone or devises. He told the police and me that he was on kik and that a video did come up but he scrolled passed then didn't use it again and that he hasn't posted, shared ect any images. He insisted he's confused and that's all he can think it would be but they've said the arrest was for uploading or sharing an image or video. I have zero concerns about him with our children plus I'm a SAHM anyway and he works 12ish hour days and normally one day at the weekend. Obviously social services have been informed so I'm waiting for a call or god forbid a surprise visit(I'd really prefer time to mentally and emotionally prepared myself) I believe him that he hasn't posted anything but it's so hard to believe that the police can get it wrong! Does that happen! God I hope so!!!
I'm confused as he's been allowed to come home, sleep here, no other devises have been taken, no rules given about him being around the children.... Will those rules come from the social worker or is it a good sign that this hasn't happened yet. To be safe and to make the social worker happy I'm not leaving him with the children but like I said I'm ALWAYS home anyway. Looking for some positive stories and/or some practical advise from people that have experienced a similar situation.
Thanks for reading! Xx
On Saturday 11/10/19 I was woken up from my turn for a lay in by my partner and a police man standing in our bedroom door way. We have 2 children 9yr girl and 2yr old son who were both up with him getting ready to wake me for our day out. Daughter was naked when they knocked and son was half dressed (could it be any worse!)
I got sorted and come out of our bedroom to my daughter screaming and my partner standing stunned in the kitchen. He got arrested and was taking to the station for questioning. 3 hours later he was home again and the police have kept his phone and will be searching it for the next couple of weeks. They didn't take my phone or devises. He told the police and me that he was on kik and that a video did come up but he scrolled passed then didn't use it again and that he hasn't posted, shared ect any images. He insisted he's confused and that's all he can think it would be but they've said the arrest was for uploading or sharing an image or video. I have zero concerns about him with our children plus I'm a SAHM anyway and he works 12ish hour days and normally one day at the weekend. Obviously social services have been informed so I'm waiting for a call or god forbid a surprise visit(I'd really prefer time to mentally and emotionally prepared myself) I believe him that he hasn't posted anything but it's so hard to believe that the police can get it wrong! Does that happen! God I hope so!!!
I'm confused as he's been allowed to come home, sleep here, no other devises have been taken, no rules given about him being around the children.... Will those rules come from the social worker or is it a good sign that this hasn't happened yet. To be safe and to make the social worker happy I'm not leaving him with the children but like I said I'm ALWAYS home anyway. Looking for some positive stories and/or some practical advise from people that have experienced a similar situation.
Thanks for reading! Xx
Hi
so sorry you are hear. You must still be feeling shocked and all over the place.
you have done the right thing by not leaving your kids alone with your husband - this will look like you are being a protective parent. You may.know your husband inside out and upside down and know he wouldn’t be a risk to your children, however SS will be concerned if you express this to them. You will need to accept that if your husband may have done this then he may pose a risk to children. They always believe the police - they would not conceive that the police could get it wrong. And if you say you think the police are wrong they may accuse you of being in denial.
from the experiences on this forum, yes the police do sometimes get it wrong. But they also get it right the majority of the time. You may also need to consider your husband may be minimising what he has done as he has so much to lose by admitting it to you and he may feel very ashamed. The LF website has modules all about this so you may want to read up on this.
in terms of restrictions - it seems to differ across police forces. Some men don’t get arrested until after devices are checked. Some men do. Some men are put on bail, some are not. As the length of time it takes to get devices checked is so long, increasingly men are not put on bail as it is harder to extend bail nowadays. Even if your husband is saying he has nothing to hide, do it let him speak to the police without a solicitor. He will not know this area the law like the police do.
in the first instance your biggest challenge (apart from the shock and emotions) will be SS. Be prepared to have your life pulled apart and examined by random strangers. And don’t expect the system to make much sense or do what it says it will do. Keep a written record of all visits and conversations - don’t expect SS to keep their records updated, even though they should.
Sorry to bombard you - I don’t mean to scare you. You can get through this and lots and lots of people do. We all come on here wanting someone to tell us it’s all been a big mistake and we want someone to tell us it’s going to be OK. None of us can do that - but we can be non-judgemental, share our experiences and let you know you can survive this xx
so sorry you are hear. You must still be feeling shocked and all over the place.
you have done the right thing by not leaving your kids alone with your husband - this will look like you are being a protective parent. You may.know your husband inside out and upside down and know he wouldn’t be a risk to your children, however SS will be concerned if you express this to them. You will need to accept that if your husband may have done this then he may pose a risk to children. They always believe the police - they would not conceive that the police could get it wrong. And if you say you think the police are wrong they may accuse you of being in denial.
from the experiences on this forum, yes the police do sometimes get it wrong. But they also get it right the majority of the time. You may also need to consider your husband may be minimising what he has done as he has so much to lose by admitting it to you and he may feel very ashamed. The LF website has modules all about this so you may want to read up on this.
in terms of restrictions - it seems to differ across police forces. Some men don’t get arrested until after devices are checked. Some men do. Some men are put on bail, some are not. As the length of time it takes to get devices checked is so long, increasingly men are not put on bail as it is harder to extend bail nowadays. Even if your husband is saying he has nothing to hide, do it let him speak to the police without a solicitor. He will not know this area the law like the police do.
in the first instance your biggest challenge (apart from the shock and emotions) will be SS. Be prepared to have your life pulled apart and examined by random strangers. And don’t expect the system to make much sense or do what it says it will do. Keep a written record of all visits and conversations - don’t expect SS to keep their records updated, even though they should.
Sorry to bombard you - I don’t mean to scare you. You can get through this and lots and lots of people do. We all come on here wanting someone to tell us it’s all been a big mistake and we want someone to tell us it’s going to be OK. None of us can do that - but we can be non-judgemental, share our experiences and let you know you can survive this xx