Is there any hope
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Is there any hope on living a normal life after something like this?
I have asked this before, 3 years ago, 1 year ago, last month. I don't know the correct answer.
My OH did not get custodial and we did have media coverage, everyones situation is different so it really depends on the circumstances, I can't speak for everyone
As someone who is well passed sentencing, I would say yes you can return to some kind of normal life but it is different. If we hadn't of had media coverage and managed to keep this between ourselves, our lives would be completely normal now and it would be a distant memory.
It affects me every day, every time I leave the house because everyone knows. Right now, I'm getting just getting on with it, living for my family but not feeling entirely happy or accepted in any other part of my life which is sad.
I think of the distant future and my OH being called a dirty old man, I dont know why I think like that, probably because people tell me it will follow us where ever we go. So we can leave our area and take the risk of people finding out, or we can stay where people know and never feel settled or welcome.
Overall, we have moved on, homelife is normal, the way we live is normal, but I don't feel normal anymore. Its something that none of us want to be associated with but we are and it's not our fault but we take the brunt. Sorry for the negative response, its just how I feel at the moment.
My OH did not get custodial and we did have media coverage, everyones situation is different so it really depends on the circumstances, I can't speak for everyone
As someone who is well passed sentencing, I would say yes you can return to some kind of normal life but it is different. If we hadn't of had media coverage and managed to keep this between ourselves, our lives would be completely normal now and it would be a distant memory.
It affects me every day, every time I leave the house because everyone knows. Right now, I'm getting just getting on with it, living for my family but not feeling entirely happy or accepted in any other part of my life which is sad.
I think of the distant future and my OH being called a dirty old man, I dont know why I think like that, probably because people tell me it will follow us where ever we go. So we can leave our area and take the risk of people finding out, or we can stay where people know and never feel settled or welcome.
Overall, we have moved on, homelife is normal, the way we live is normal, but I don't feel normal anymore. Its something that none of us want to be associated with but we are and it's not our fault but we take the brunt. Sorry for the negative response, its just how I feel at the moment.
I think we all feel this way, my life is still my normal life however my family members isn't and I worry for him and his future wete out the other end our story isn't great and ehat happened will affect me for the rest of my living days I try to not think abkut it bit the pain people caused us by what they did to my family will haunt me forever unfortunately , my personal life is good ive a great partner and friends etc job ..it all really ..bit knowing there are things I will never be able to Include my family member in because of how other people now view him that's the hard part for me because I know him I know how good a soul he is but can't now change anything for him it's like I'm grieving for his life that he should have been living and I know if I feel this way god only knows how he must feel it's trully heartbreaking but it's the way it is for now it's really hard there is no denying that I've lost a massive part of myself through this horrible experience and I don't think it will return but I'm trying to just move forward as my life that I've created for myself and worked hard for matters too.
I think there absolutely is a more "normal" life out there. The people living it aren't on here anymore. My OH is someway through his suspended sentence and I am spending less and less time on here and more just living my life.
i think it will always follow us to some extent, but I think we can choose how much we let it.
x
i think it will always follow us to some extent, but I think we can choose how much we let it.
x
I do agree K4, I am still looking for peace but I'm getting there. I do not come to the forum nearly as much as I used to. I tend to dwell on what/who doesn't matter but that's my problem. I try to focus on the support and love I do have but it's hard. We will all get out the other side eventually.
My day to day life now is relatively normal - probably because we are no longer together and I can distance myself from the offence. My future is uncertain as I want out of the house so will have to sell and find somewhere else.
For me I didn't think this would ever go away. It would always be in the background and I'll be waiting for it to come back and bite us.
But my children are growing up with out their father - their choice. And I don't think his mother will ever get over it.
I feel I have made the right decision
For me I didn't think this would ever go away. It would always be in the background and I'll be waiting for it to come back and bite us.
But my children are growing up with out their father - their choice. And I don't think his mother will ever get over it.
I feel I have made the right decision
Hello whatamess,
There can be a normal life beyond this, it just takes time, time to heal, time to adjust. We had the knock, then had to then wait 4years for it to finally go to court, he got a suspended sentence in Jan of this year.
Between the knock and court it was up and down. With SS no contact and him having to move out, then supervised by grandparents, then supervised by me and now hopefully in the next couple of months he will be moving back home. Just waiting for him to complete a few bits with probation then SS have said he can move back. It was also up and down with the shock of it all, the betrayal and just revolting choices my oh made. Lots of tears and lots of time helped. I called the stopItnow helpline and completed their 6 week course, it was so helpful and so reassuring.
Lean on everyone and anyone you can, lean on this forum, it was a life saver for me. It's a very hard time. xx
There can be a normal life beyond this, it just takes time, time to heal, time to adjust. We had the knock, then had to then wait 4years for it to finally go to court, he got a suspended sentence in Jan of this year.
Between the knock and court it was up and down. With SS no contact and him having to move out, then supervised by grandparents, then supervised by me and now hopefully in the next couple of months he will be moving back home. Just waiting for him to complete a few bits with probation then SS have said he can move back. It was also up and down with the shock of it all, the betrayal and just revolting choices my oh made. Lots of tears and lots of time helped. I called the stopItnow helpline and completed their 6 week course, it was so helpful and so reassuring.
Lean on everyone and anyone you can, lean on this forum, it was a life saver for me. It's a very hard time. xx
Like AnxiousGirl, I knew it would always be in the background, never being able to trust him again, and always wondering what he was doing. But then he's done a lot of bad things, indecent as well as illegal, and it goes back decades. So I'm divorcing him and desperately want the house to sell, so that I can somrhow start to learn to live a new life, which I know is going to be difficult after more than 20 years together, but it was my only option for my own sanity and I know it's the right decision even though it hurts like crazy.