Social services!!!
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HELP!!!
Partner was arrested a few days ago for uploading or sharing an imagine, he denied it, I want to beleive him but of course I'm worried because how do police get it wrong.....
My big worry is Social Services.
My partner is still living with us (9yr old daughter and 2yr old son) because I believe him and know he's no risk to our children. But what do social services ask and what will they think when they know my partner is still living with us and I haven't ended our relationship. How do I justify this to them.
They took his phone but no other devices, he had an interview for 3 hours then was home with no conditions about when to stay or supervised access etc...
:(:(:(
Partner was arrested a few days ago for uploading or sharing an imagine, he denied it, I want to beleive him but of course I'm worried because how do police get it wrong.....
My big worry is Social Services.
My partner is still living with us (9yr old daughter and 2yr old son) because I believe him and know he's no risk to our children. But what do social services ask and what will they think when they know my partner is still living with us and I haven't ended our relationship. How do I justify this to them.
They took his phone but no other devices, he had an interview for 3 hours then was home with no conditions about when to stay or supervised access etc...
:(:(:(
Hi
it does feel a very worrying time. I didn’t ask my partner to leave after he was arrested and we also have children. I did, however, immediately ensure he was not alone with them. You have done this already, so that is good. When asked about him leaving, I would think about it yourself and perhaps you could say something like you are keeping an open mind until the end of the police investigation. Remind them that the police have put no restrictions on him, even after hearing what he said at interview and at the moment you are taking one day at a time. However you aware that the risk to your children has now increased (before the knock it didn’t enter your head he was a risk, now you have to consider it) so you have a safety plan which includes him not being alone with the children and him not doing any personal care for them (so not allowing him to do bath time and if your youngest is still in nappies then not allowing him to change nappies ). You could say that you have considered it and know that asking him to leave would also have a big impact on the children so at the moment you consider you have the right safety measures in place. As the alleged offence is about the internet I would also immediately put safety measures on the WiFi (and only you know the password) and on any electronic devices. SS are not just concerned about him contact offending but also your children inadvertently being exposed to inappropriate material - you are then showing online safety too. I don’t know if you have anyone you can tell about what is going on? Make sure it is somebody you can trust and if you do then they like to hear that you are not bearing this “secret” alone. They might also want to hear that you have a back up plan if you are ill and unable to care for the kids - so a family member who k it’s what is going on or a close friend who could step in if needed.
so sorry to bombard you, but I have learned to feel my way through the system over the last 10 months and my kids and partner are all at home with me still. X
it does feel a very worrying time. I didn’t ask my partner to leave after he was arrested and we also have children. I did, however, immediately ensure he was not alone with them. You have done this already, so that is good. When asked about him leaving, I would think about it yourself and perhaps you could say something like you are keeping an open mind until the end of the police investigation. Remind them that the police have put no restrictions on him, even after hearing what he said at interview and at the moment you are taking one day at a time. However you aware that the risk to your children has now increased (before the knock it didn’t enter your head he was a risk, now you have to consider it) so you have a safety plan which includes him not being alone with the children and him not doing any personal care for them (so not allowing him to do bath time and if your youngest is still in nappies then not allowing him to change nappies ). You could say that you have considered it and know that asking him to leave would also have a big impact on the children so at the moment you consider you have the right safety measures in place. As the alleged offence is about the internet I would also immediately put safety measures on the WiFi (and only you know the password) and on any electronic devices. SS are not just concerned about him contact offending but also your children inadvertently being exposed to inappropriate material - you are then showing online safety too. I don’t know if you have anyone you can tell about what is going on? Make sure it is somebody you can trust and if you do then they like to hear that you are not bearing this “secret” alone. They might also want to hear that you have a back up plan if you are ill and unable to care for the kids - so a family member who k it’s what is going on or a close friend who could step in if needed.
so sorry to bombard you, but I have learned to feel my way through the system over the last 10 months and my kids and partner are all at home with me still. X
I am surprised he was not bailed and there were no bail conditions as you have children at home. Hopefully that's a good sign. However the police do not turn up at your door for no reason, that doesn't mean hes guilty but it does mean something has happened for whatever reason. Social services are a real mixed bag as to what they do or dont do. My advice is be prepared, speak to the helpline and have a read of websites like parents protect. It is unlikely social services will offer any support or advice, all eyes will be on you and how you are or how you are going to protect the kids. While you may totally trust your partner that's understandable, I would sit on the fence a while and tell social services that you trust your partner but understand the seriousness of the allegation because it is serious. I think to say you trust him 100% with everything may come across as not protective parenting and you dont know yet if he is telling you the truth. I would also call the lead officer to ask their opinion. Your judgement will be questioned so make sure you know as many facts about the situation. Its early days, its likely to be a rollercoaster but you can get through it. If you do have meetings with social services either child in need or child protection my advice is always have someone independent there, to keep a record of what's said and also for support.
Hi Big Sigh,
Thank you so much for your reply. It is so reassuring that your husband has been able to stay at your home. Can i ask what he was arrested for and what is happening, that fact you've written 10 months in scares me as we're less than a week in and it's already felt like a lifetime of hell. I didn't even think about the WiFi. My daughter has her own phone so I'll have to tell her she can't use the Internet anymore and not let my 2 year old play on my phone anymore! Thanks for the heads up with that!
We live in a very small flat so I always know/can hear or see where everyone is. Hopefully that will work in favour of him staying. Xx
Thank you so much for your reply. It is so reassuring that your husband has been able to stay at your home. Can i ask what he was arrested for and what is happening, that fact you've written 10 months in scares me as we're less than a week in and it's already felt like a lifetime of hell. I didn't even think about the WiFi. My daughter has her own phone so I'll have to tell her she can't use the Internet anymore and not let my 2 year old play on my phone anymore! Thanks for the heads up with that!
We live in a very small flat so I always know/can hear or see where everyone is. Hopefully that will work in favour of him staying. Xx
Hi Maria,
Thanks for your reply. I know the fact he was just brought home and nothing was said regarding him staying home or contact with our children reassured me at first then the more I've read of this forum the more it's made me nervous that we've been left to work out what they want us to do!! I plan on having my dad with me during meetings as it will all be a hazzy fog for me especially afterwards. I'll call the lead police officer tomorrow as again the day he was arrested I was just in totally shock and didn't really take any of it in. We live in a little flat and I'm a stay at home mum, he works 10-12hr days so hoping that will go in our favour of him not having to leave!
I just want to have a plan and so much is unknown is so unsettling and stressful and I can't believe I've still got weeks and weeks before I even hear from the police regarding the searching of his phone. Xx
Thanks for your reply. I know the fact he was just brought home and nothing was said regarding him staying home or contact with our children reassured me at first then the more I've read of this forum the more it's made me nervous that we've been left to work out what they want us to do!! I plan on having my dad with me during meetings as it will all be a hazzy fog for me especially afterwards. I'll call the lead police officer tomorrow as again the day he was arrested I was just in totally shock and didn't really take any of it in. We live in a little flat and I'm a stay at home mum, he works 10-12hr days so hoping that will go in our favour of him not having to leave!
I just want to have a plan and so much is unknown is so unsettling and stressful and I can't believe I've still got weeks and weeks before I even hear from the police regarding the searching of his phone. Xx
Hi
my partner was arrested on suspicion of downloading 5 cat images. Lots of devices seized (we have kids so there are all sorts of devices in our house, some we haven’t used for years). This was December last year. Partner released “under investigation”. Referral to SS made, section 47 enquiries made and kids on CP plan. If you keep your partner in the house be prepared that almost definitely your kids will end up on a CP plan - that means SW visits every 10 days and core group meetings every 4 weeks. Your health visitor and your older child’s school will hear everything and write reports about your children as well as any other agencies who are involved in your life. The police will write a “strategy report” about your partner’s interview and what he said and what they think they found which sparked the investigation. All professionals will believe what is written in that strategy report - but you may not get to see it as it may prejudice the police investigation. So be prepared that people will have meetings about you which you don’t know about.
We were told 3 months at start by police. And heard nothing in 10 months except one “welfare call” to see how my partner was. They have to do that as many men unfortunately do commit suicide when being accused/ having committed this offence. We have had some, but not all, of the kids’ devices returned. We have been told one piece needs to go to the higo tech unit and there is a backlog.
my partner admits using porn from a legal site but says all the images clearly said they were 18 or over. Police have said the images are of teenagers under 18. We got a private therapist to do a report on my husband and he came out low risk. I also got a family solicitor to come to all the CP conferences. I have also been open with all professionals and also challenged appropriately when I think they are wrong. I have also done counselling (they saw that as positive) and also the LF Inform course (again they saw that as positive). I also do not leave him alone with kids. All of this has meant my partner is still at home - not everyone has the same outcome as this and some people don’t want their partner at home either.
i would think seriously about how you let your kids on the internet. Even before all this we had had problems with social media and our eldest so we had already realised that we needed to be more careful with how their use their phones and tablets. I have monitoring software on one of my kids’ phones and the youngest isn’t allowed one. Be prepared that (depending on the SW) they may want to see what your kids access on their devices. So if you let them on things beyond their age be prepared for them to perhaps think you are not protective. Things like Instagram, Facebook, even roblox, Minecraft etc have age ratings. Make sure the kids can’t message or friend people on these games. You should do that anyway, but now it is even more important as you are under the microscope.
i don’t know much about Kik, but other people on here have partners who have used it and got arrested. You may want to talk to your partner very honestly about what he was accessing on there. You may want to make it clear to him that you are prepared to stand by him, but not if you get any nasty surprises - his honesty with you is paramount in this, even if he tells you things you don’t want to hear.
good luck x
my partner was arrested on suspicion of downloading 5 cat images. Lots of devices seized (we have kids so there are all sorts of devices in our house, some we haven’t used for years). This was December last year. Partner released “under investigation”. Referral to SS made, section 47 enquiries made and kids on CP plan. If you keep your partner in the house be prepared that almost definitely your kids will end up on a CP plan - that means SW visits every 10 days and core group meetings every 4 weeks. Your health visitor and your older child’s school will hear everything and write reports about your children as well as any other agencies who are involved in your life. The police will write a “strategy report” about your partner’s interview and what he said and what they think they found which sparked the investigation. All professionals will believe what is written in that strategy report - but you may not get to see it as it may prejudice the police investigation. So be prepared that people will have meetings about you which you don’t know about.
We were told 3 months at start by police. And heard nothing in 10 months except one “welfare call” to see how my partner was. They have to do that as many men unfortunately do commit suicide when being accused/ having committed this offence. We have had some, but not all, of the kids’ devices returned. We have been told one piece needs to go to the higo tech unit and there is a backlog.
my partner admits using porn from a legal site but says all the images clearly said they were 18 or over. Police have said the images are of teenagers under 18. We got a private therapist to do a report on my husband and he came out low risk. I also got a family solicitor to come to all the CP conferences. I have also been open with all professionals and also challenged appropriately when I think they are wrong. I have also done counselling (they saw that as positive) and also the LF Inform course (again they saw that as positive). I also do not leave him alone with kids. All of this has meant my partner is still at home - not everyone has the same outcome as this and some people don’t want their partner at home either.
i would think seriously about how you let your kids on the internet. Even before all this we had had problems with social media and our eldest so we had already realised that we needed to be more careful with how their use their phones and tablets. I have monitoring software on one of my kids’ phones and the youngest isn’t allowed one. Be prepared that (depending on the SW) they may want to see what your kids access on their devices. So if you let them on things beyond their age be prepared for them to perhaps think you are not protective. Things like Instagram, Facebook, even roblox, Minecraft etc have age ratings. Make sure the kids can’t message or friend people on these games. You should do that anyway, but now it is even more important as you are under the microscope.
i don’t know much about Kik, but other people on here have partners who have used it and got arrested. You may want to talk to your partner very honestly about what he was accessing on there. You may want to make it clear to him that you are prepared to stand by him, but not if you get any nasty surprises - his honesty with you is paramount in this, even if he tells you things you don’t want to hear.
good luck x