Emotionally empty
Notifications OFF
More than a year ago we had a knock at the door at 6am.
Officers came in and went to our sons room and took his phones and computers.
I was traumatised, in utter shock and just completely dead inside.
He wasn't taken away in handcuffs or arrested and left in his room awaiting the investigation outcome.
Since then we've had outside pressure to kick our son out before the results of any investigation have been revealed.
I'm really torn on what to do.
I've gone through every emotion, hate, disgust, confusion, guilt...
Theres day I think I should have kicked him out, and other days where I don't.
He's had severe depression since losing a close family member and even tried to kill himself a few times, thankfully stopping himself. He's on antidepressants and rarely leaves his room.
I'm not making up excuses just giving some background info.
The pressure, stress and emotional exhaustion is killing me. It's all made me so ill.
Officers came in and went to our sons room and took his phones and computers.
I was traumatised, in utter shock and just completely dead inside.
He wasn't taken away in handcuffs or arrested and left in his room awaiting the investigation outcome.
Since then we've had outside pressure to kick our son out before the results of any investigation have been revealed.
I'm really torn on what to do.
I've gone through every emotion, hate, disgust, confusion, guilt...
Theres day I think I should have kicked him out, and other days where I don't.
He's had severe depression since losing a close family member and even tried to kill himself a few times, thankfully stopping himself. He's on antidepressants and rarely leaves his room.
I'm not making up excuses just giving some background info.
The pressure, stress and emotional exhaustion is killing me. It's all made me so ill.
Hi, I'm so sorry you find yourself here.
A few thoughts I had when I read what you've written. We know that 50% of partners stay in the relationship with the offender, not everyone walks away.
Your son clearly has significant mental health difficulties. That's not an excuse but it probably didn't help. I know it's really hard but try not to be influenced by others who simply cannot ever understand what you and we are going through. They are simply judging you. They should be supporting you! He is your son. My person was my husband. If it had been my son, I would've been devastated for sure but I would absolutely have wanted to support him. There's a huge difference between supporting someone through this and condoning it.
You can always ring the helpline. The people on the end of the phone are experts and they understand.
I wish you all the very best.
PS. Your feelings are so very similar to all of ours. Xx
A few thoughts I had when I read what you've written. We know that 50% of partners stay in the relationship with the offender, not everyone walks away.
Your son clearly has significant mental health difficulties. That's not an excuse but it probably didn't help. I know it's really hard but try not to be influenced by others who simply cannot ever understand what you and we are going through. They are simply judging you. They should be supporting you! He is your son. My person was my husband. If it had been my son, I would've been devastated for sure but I would absolutely have wanted to support him. There's a huge difference between supporting someone through this and condoning it.
You can always ring the helpline. The people on the end of the phone are experts and they understand.
I wish you all the very best.
PS. Your feelings are so very similar to all of ours. Xx
Hi Sally,
Do you have private messaging?
xx
Do you have private messaging?
xx
It's hard to see a child go through mental health struggles, it's only natural to want to help and support - do what feels right for you and your family - no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Xx
Xx
Hi Sally, I can only speak for myself when I say that no one would have influenced me to give up on my son following his arrest. I supported my son from arrest to sentencing and will continue to do so for the rest of my days. Yes he did wrong but my love is unconditional and not dependant on his behaviour.
There are many reasons why our people behaved in the way the do but what's important is that they show remorse, compassion, understanding, determination to do whatever it takes to prevent reoffending and a desire to change.
Please don't let other people influence your thoughts and actions, make your own decision and follow your heart.
There are many reasons why our people behaved in the way the do but what's important is that they show remorse, compassion, understanding, determination to do whatever it takes to prevent reoffending and a desire to change.
Please don't let other people influence your thoughts and actions, make your own decision and follow your heart.
Ocean,
As always I totally resonant with your reply. My son is also the offender in our situation - there has never been or will be a time when I will not be there for him - as hard as this journey is, no one can tell you what to do x sending love and strength always xx
As always I totally resonant with your reply. My son is also the offender in our situation - there has never been or will be a time when I will not be there for him - as hard as this journey is, no one can tell you what to do x sending love and strength always xx
Until someone is in your shoes they have no right to tell you what to do. I stood by my son and always will. Yes I hate what he's done and the impact on the family but I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to him because he thought he had no one in his corner for him xx
We couldn't allow our son to be homeless,so he returned home after living alone for 5 years. He has no friends & didn't have a social life. How could we abandon him?
However we realise that we can't fix this. It is far more complicated than providing a home.
He is now on remand & there is a sense of relief that it has been taken out of our hands. But we have not abandoned him.
However we realise that we can't fix this. It is far more complicated than providing a home.
He is now on remand & there is a sense of relief that it has been taken out of our hands. But we have not abandoned him.
I carry a heavy burdon as I support and keep in touch with my son in prison. I occasionally have guilt feelings, but he's simply my son and I love him.
yes he's left a catastrophic mess behin him, but he's my son and whatever he's done he deserves a chance.
Dont be swayed or bullied in the choices you make my lovely .... it's your life, your son.
good replies ladies x
yes he's left a catastrophic mess behin him, but he's my son and whatever he's done he deserves a chance.
Dont be swayed or bullied in the choices you make my lovely .... it's your life, your son.
good replies ladies x