Help needed
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My son Was arrested and released pending further investigations for accessing indecent images.
What next?
I feel like I am grieving and so isolated, where did I go wrong? Heartbroken, feeling guilty and don't know why and so alone
any advice would be so welcomed
What next?
I feel like I am grieving and so isolated, where did I go wrong? Heartbroken, feeling guilty and don't know why and so alone
any advice would be so welcomed
Hi there - so sorry you are having to use this forum, but in this time of crisis it is good that you did. There are several parents on this forum whose sons have been arrested and/ or convicted of this so I am sure once they see your post they will reply. I’m sure you feel a roller coaster of emotions. I am a mum myself (though it is my partner who has been accused of this ) and we do tend to blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong in their lives. I know it sounds trite but you really are not responsible for his actions.
In terms of practicalities - you don’t say how old your son is and if he lives with you or has children of his own. Do you have children under 18 or does he have nieces / nephews under 18? I only ask as then you have complication of social services being involved.
Make sure he has good legal represention, even if he has admitted guilt.
Have a look at the Lucy Faithfull website about why people view these images. It is unlikely he has a real sexual interest in children, but probably something that has escalated from adult porn when he was in a difficult time in his life. That may not be the case, but it very often is. Asking “why?” Is natural, but don’t expect him to necessarily know why at the moment - it’s probably just as much a mystery to him.
Use the helpline if you need it too - it may help to talk to someone in person without being judged - you can stay anonymous if that makes you feel safer. He can talk to the helpline too. Be aware that people ‘S mental health can really suffer after arrest and everything feels hopeless - some can feel there is no point going on. If he feels like that then reach out to your GP.
i really feel for you - no words can comfort you at this moment but please know you are not alone and families do come through this x
In terms of practicalities - you don’t say how old your son is and if he lives with you or has children of his own. Do you have children under 18 or does he have nieces / nephews under 18? I only ask as then you have complication of social services being involved.
Make sure he has good legal represention, even if he has admitted guilt.
Have a look at the Lucy Faithfull website about why people view these images. It is unlikely he has a real sexual interest in children, but probably something that has escalated from adult porn when he was in a difficult time in his life. That may not be the case, but it very often is. Asking “why?” Is natural, but don’t expect him to necessarily know why at the moment - it’s probably just as much a mystery to him.
Use the helpline if you need it too - it may help to talk to someone in person without being judged - you can stay anonymous if that makes you feel safer. He can talk to the helpline too. Be aware that people ‘S mental health can really suffer after arrest and everything feels hopeless - some can feel there is no point going on. If he feels like that then reach out to your GP.
i really feel for you - no words can comfort you at this moment but please know you are not alone and families do come through this x
He is 32, only child, with no children in the family.
Hello
I am a mum too. My son was arrested coming up two years ago. That seems like a long time ago but I can remember every second of it. I’m so sorry you are going through it too. The early days feel like a black hole, I had days I couldn’t get out of bed. I thought all of our lives were over. But now i’m further down the line I have a more realistic and sometimes even positive outlook.
My biggest piece of advice is get the best legal help you can. It broke my heart to spend my savings on this but I had to know we’d done all we could. My son was only 20 so I felt responsible for sorting and paying for everything.
Our solicitor pushed for us to get a psychological report done which was expensive but has proved so useful time and time again. It was used in court and also with children’s services, his back to uni interview etc.
If possible get your son to call the Lucy Faithfull Foundation. My son got himself on their course and had completed most of it by the time his court case came up. So not only was he making steps to understand how this happened but it also impressed the judge.
Look at other factors that could have triggered this behaviour. My son had grief counselling too as we worked out that this started when he had experienced the death of a family member.
We had a long wait until it came to court and if I’m honest that’s the hard bit. I would say use that time to prepare but also enjoy the times when life does seem to just be ‘normal’.
My son received a community order and five years on the sex offenders register. He was able to return to uni and is doing ok. We know there are many hurdles ahead and at times it feels like it’ll never go away but you can get through this.
I found keeping busy really useful and its now that life has calmed down that I seem to be struggling more but I am a member of another forum and have made some great supportive online friends there.
If you have any questions i would be more than happy to try and answer them. You will get through this xx
I am a mum too. My son was arrested coming up two years ago. That seems like a long time ago but I can remember every second of it. I’m so sorry you are going through it too. The early days feel like a black hole, I had days I couldn’t get out of bed. I thought all of our lives were over. But now i’m further down the line I have a more realistic and sometimes even positive outlook.
My biggest piece of advice is get the best legal help you can. It broke my heart to spend my savings on this but I had to know we’d done all we could. My son was only 20 so I felt responsible for sorting and paying for everything.
Our solicitor pushed for us to get a psychological report done which was expensive but has proved so useful time and time again. It was used in court and also with children’s services, his back to uni interview etc.
If possible get your son to call the Lucy Faithfull Foundation. My son got himself on their course and had completed most of it by the time his court case came up. So not only was he making steps to understand how this happened but it also impressed the judge.
Look at other factors that could have triggered this behaviour. My son had grief counselling too as we worked out that this started when he had experienced the death of a family member.
We had a long wait until it came to court and if I’m honest that’s the hard bit. I would say use that time to prepare but also enjoy the times when life does seem to just be ‘normal’.
My son received a community order and five years on the sex offenders register. He was able to return to uni and is doing ok. We know there are many hurdles ahead and at times it feels like it’ll never go away but you can get through this.
I found keeping busy really useful and its now that life has calmed down that I seem to be struggling more but I am a member of another forum and have made some great supportive online friends there.
If you have any questions i would be more than happy to try and answer them. You will get through this xx