15 year old son
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good morning crushed, sorry you find yourself here it seems like your son knows there is a problem and hopefully can seek the help he requires especially if he has been groomed himself from a young age I'm no expert but I would say it has impacted some decisions he's made and your right from such a young age curiosity in this day and age is massive it's like they don't u derstant this is happening in real life children are being physically abused and these images are sent out , my young family member was abused through grooming at a young age and again through thr Internet then onto an actual meet I'm like how did this happen , young person is not my son. I think the Internet is such a dangerous place and kids have been given to much freedom with phones etc everything and anything is accessible too many chat rooms websites etc its horrendous , you will find support and comfort in this group and if your son hasn't already there's a lot of support from stop it now etc and for yourself you can call the team they are amazing and maybe able to help in other ways also. xx
Thank you so much for your reply. I thought we were doing well parenting and gradually gave him more privacy with his phone as he got older, due to him being so sensible and trusting him!! I can't believe it, he did seem too good to be true as a teenager. Then I'm thinking how did we not notice anything was wrong and that he had stuff eating away at him, he always seemed quite chilled out!
He had even asked these people online if he should tell his parents and they said no, he tried to google about getting help but couldn't find anything :-(
Did the young person you know get some help? We have managed to get a StopSO counsellor which starts tonight x
He had even asked these people online if he should tell his parents and they said no, he tried to google about getting help but couldn't find anything :-(
Did the young person you know get some help? We have managed to get a StopSO counsellor which starts tonight x
Hi Crushed, I'm so sorry to know you and your son are going through this and know how heartbroken you'll be feeling. My son was actually in his 20's when he was arrested but his online behaviour also started when he was young.
My advice would be to get your son into therapy as soon as possible. We were fortunate in that I was able to afford private therapy for my son and that really did wonders for him. I also recommend contacting the LFF helpline if you haven't already done so.
My son is now out the other side having been sentenced last year so I can reassure you that life will eventually get better but it's a long hard journey to get there.
Sending both you and your son a big hug and lots of strength.
My advice would be to get your son into therapy as soon as possible. We were fortunate in that I was able to afford private therapy for my son and that really did wonders for him. I also recommend contacting the LFF helpline if you haven't already done so.
My son is now out the other side having been sentenced last year so I can reassure you that life will eventually get better but it's a long hard journey to get there.
Sending both you and your son a big hug and lots of strength.
Crushed - sorry you find yourself here, you are going through so much. Try to look after yourself through talking to the online helpline and reaching out on here. Sending lots of love and strength xxxx
Hello Crushed,
I am so sorry to hear about your son and as my husband is the offender here I know your situation will differ quite a lot. Saying that, there are a lot of parents on this forum whose advice and support I have found invaluable. I am sure they will reach out to offer that advice and support to yourself.
I wish you all the best for this journey but as you will read despite the trauma, shock and upset in the early days things do and can get better. Your son is still a child himself and it is so sad to read about the confusion and upset he has experienced over the past few years, thankfully he has your love and support to guide him through this ordeal and he will get the professional and emotional help he so desperately needs now. Everyone on this site has an understanding of how someone's offending affects those closest to them whatever the circumstances and we are all here to help and support each other.
Sending my best wishes to you. Katie x
I am so sorry to hear about your son and as my husband is the offender here I know your situation will differ quite a lot. Saying that, there are a lot of parents on this forum whose advice and support I have found invaluable. I am sure they will reach out to offer that advice and support to yourself.
I wish you all the best for this journey but as you will read despite the trauma, shock and upset in the early days things do and can get better. Your son is still a child himself and it is so sad to read about the confusion and upset he has experienced over the past few years, thankfully he has your love and support to guide him through this ordeal and he will get the professional and emotional help he so desperately needs now. Everyone on this site has an understanding of how someone's offending affects those closest to them whatever the circumstances and we are all here to help and support each other.
Sending my best wishes to you. Katie x
he actually didn't get help u fortunately not until it hit the media I don't know why but we honestly were not expecting it to get to how it did afterwards , his lawyer was quite positive that we shouldn't expect a big fall afterwards I wished he had opened up sooner abkut his own life but I also wished he'd reported the link he was sent at first instance but we cannot look back now it's happened so we have to look to move forward for a better future your son is very young himself and sounds like he's very troubled and confused I hope you get the support which you will through stop so I think it's great what they do I wished I had contacted sooner than we did if I'm honest they could have been so much help to us ad a family in what to expect etc I wish you all the best in this journey none of wish to be on xxx
Hi Crushed.
My son is the same age as yours but was 13/14 when the alleged offence took place.
Has your son been able to be open with you about what he was accessing?
For my son, he confessed being SA'd by another child. I think this peaked an unhealthy interest in sex and it all spiralled from there. Wanting some elements of control which is directed by his PDA (a type of autism) led him to do what he did.
You are not alone. We are all sailing in this god awful boat together. Look after yourself and your son xxx
My son is the same age as yours but was 13/14 when the alleged offence took place.
Has your son been able to be open with you about what he was accessing?
For my son, he confessed being SA'd by another child. I think this peaked an unhealthy interest in sex and it all spiralled from there. Wanting some elements of control which is directed by his PDA (a type of autism) led him to do what he did.
You are not alone. We are all sailing in this god awful boat together. Look after yourself and your son xxx
Sorry just to add - I think my sons curiosity regarding his sexuality also played a part in it, as well as curiousity about what children his age look like.
Hi
So sorry that you are part of this. Glad you are reaching out to this forum. It is the only place where I feel understood & can be truthful.
My son is 29,but more like a teenager in his social & sexual experience/relationships. He is probably autistic but agencies concentrated on his physical needs as he was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at 18 months. He had few friends & very much relied on family for a social life. My guilt is that I did not push for a psychological assessment while he was still in education. It is very difficult once they are an adult.
Try & use the educational services to support him & you.
Best wishes moving forward.
So sorry that you are part of this. Glad you are reaching out to this forum. It is the only place where I feel understood & can be truthful.
My son is 29,but more like a teenager in his social & sexual experience/relationships. He is probably autistic but agencies concentrated on his physical needs as he was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at 18 months. He had few friends & very much relied on family for a social life. My guilt is that I did not push for a psychological assessment while he was still in education. It is very difficult once they are an adult.
Try & use the educational services to support him & you.
Best wishes moving forward.
Thank you so much for all of your responses, it really helps me in feeling less alone. You really don't think this could ever happen to you until it does, then you realise it could happen to anyone.
It has really knocked my confidence with parenting and I am filled with fear, not only for my son but my other younger children. It has made me question everything literally.
I don't know what the possible outcome will be with the police and also I am struggling to see how he will build some sort of future now.
I start wondering if I really know him at all which is horrible to say. Like he has never been in even a slight bit of trouble and was seemingly a chilled and untroubled teen, little did I know!! It makes me wonder what's going on in the minds of my other children too. My mind is in overdrive!!
Thank you all again xx
It has really knocked my confidence with parenting and I am filled with fear, not only for my son but my other younger children. It has made me question everything literally.
I don't know what the possible outcome will be with the police and also I am struggling to see how he will build some sort of future now.
I start wondering if I really know him at all which is horrible to say. Like he has never been in even a slight bit of trouble and was seemingly a chilled and untroubled teen, little did I know!! It makes me wonder what's going on in the minds of my other children too. My mind is in overdrive!!
Thank you all again xx
Hi, I'm sorry you find yourself here.
My ex husband and I and our four children got the knock when my ex was 47. He'd been viewing images since the age of 45. I mention this because when he managed to phone me from prison a few days after the knock, I asked him how long it had been going on. He said since the age of 13. He too said he had wondered if he was gay but decided that didn't fit and that in actual fact he was attracted to children. He managed to keep a lid on it and kept it an extremely closely guarded secret for all those years until one day he decided to go looking for images. I find it insanely frustrating that he couldn't go and ask for help before he offended. I feel let down by society. A big problem these days is the internet. Is so easy to get the gratification they want from people who only really want to use and abuse. My ex never had any social media until one day he got a secret Instagram account. By the time of the knock, he had over 200 followers, all people like him, sharing all their images. I was staggered, still am. I wish you and your family all the very best. X
My ex husband and I and our four children got the knock when my ex was 47. He'd been viewing images since the age of 45. I mention this because when he managed to phone me from prison a few days after the knock, I asked him how long it had been going on. He said since the age of 13. He too said he had wondered if he was gay but decided that didn't fit and that in actual fact he was attracted to children. He managed to keep a lid on it and kept it an extremely closely guarded secret for all those years until one day he decided to go looking for images. I find it insanely frustrating that he couldn't go and ask for help before he offended. I feel let down by society. A big problem these days is the internet. Is so easy to get the gratification they want from people who only really want to use and abuse. My ex never had any social media until one day he got a secret Instagram account. By the time of the knock, he had over 200 followers, all people like him, sharing all their images. I was staggered, still am. I wish you and your family all the very best. X
Think a lot of people who go down this route are depressed and confused about their sexuality. Not only as adolescents but adults too. The internet (and especially porn sites) sit in wait and ready to pounce, like spiders waiting in their web (is that why it's called the 'web') just a thought!!!
Personally, it frightens me - especially as my grandchild has recently got a mobile. Yes communication is in place when he starts secondary school, yes it's nice to send & receive funny texts from him now, yes his parents are monitoring it closely (and they are of course fully aware of the dangers), perhaps more than most after what's happened to us.
But not only porn holds its dangers as he gets older when hormones and curiosity take over, there's the route of social media platforms, which can be innocent and fun, but can easily turn nasty.
Dont get me wrong I love my phone (although I dont do social media), I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for the internet. But as a family we've seen how the fascination starts and what can happen and it's bloody terrifying isn't it?
Personally, it frightens me - especially as my grandchild has recently got a mobile. Yes communication is in place when he starts secondary school, yes it's nice to send & receive funny texts from him now, yes his parents are monitoring it closely (and they are of course fully aware of the dangers), perhaps more than most after what's happened to us.
But not only porn holds its dangers as he gets older when hormones and curiosity take over, there's the route of social media platforms, which can be innocent and fun, but can easily turn nasty.
Dont get me wrong I love my phone (although I dont do social media), I wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for the internet. But as a family we've seen how the fascination starts and what can happen and it's bloody terrifying isn't it?
Smile through the tears,
you are so right - the internet has always frightened me, with how easily accessed things are - I was always vigilant with my children, never allowed phones in bedrooms was reluctant to allow snapchat, instagram, facebook, tic tok - but was eventually persuaded that I was holding my children's friendship groups back - fast forward and it wasn't my children that bought this to my door and he had those conversation with the children too!!
This has highlighted to us how easily just one click, one conversation can turn lives upside down - I don't know what the answers are - but too many lives are being ruined and put on hold and the effects are far reaching for adults and children for years to come -
Sending each of you my love and support - you are all amazing, strong and caring - please don't doubt who YOU are :)
xxxx
you are so right - the internet has always frightened me, with how easily accessed things are - I was always vigilant with my children, never allowed phones in bedrooms was reluctant to allow snapchat, instagram, facebook, tic tok - but was eventually persuaded that I was holding my children's friendship groups back - fast forward and it wasn't my children that bought this to my door and he had those conversation with the children too!!
This has highlighted to us how easily just one click, one conversation can turn lives upside down - I don't know what the answers are - but too many lives are being ruined and put on hold and the effects are far reaching for adults and children for years to come -
Sending each of you my love and support - you are all amazing, strong and caring - please don't doubt who YOU are :)
xxxx