I want to close my eyes and never wake up
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I don't know why sometimes it suddenly hits like a tonne of bricks.
We are coming up almost 1 year post knock. 1 whole year since our lives changed forever. I feel like I'm a shell of who I once was, and I have had some pretty bad trauma in my time. But this is like nothing I've ever experienced.
The only comfort I've had this year is finding a solicitor for my son, and finding this forum.
I am back feeling unbelievably low and like no progress will be made anytime soon in my sons case despite him being under a CP plan.
The police don't care, they lie and say passwords weren't supplied, that I have given the wrong passwords for devices, that the investigation will be NFA which they then take back. They take no responsibility for their wrongdoings.
My son is losing the final years of his childhood to this misery and frequently attempts to take his life. He's autistic, he doesn't understand the world. He's being treated like a predator that he's simply not.
I know there are no answers but I am just done, we go round in circles, social care refer me to gp, gp refer me to MH, MH discharge and say it's a social care issue... I have given up engaging on services for myself and I'm well aware I'm spiralling.
Love & strength to all. X
We are coming up almost 1 year post knock. 1 whole year since our lives changed forever. I feel like I'm a shell of who I once was, and I have had some pretty bad trauma in my time. But this is like nothing I've ever experienced.
The only comfort I've had this year is finding a solicitor for my son, and finding this forum.
I am back feeling unbelievably low and like no progress will be made anytime soon in my sons case despite him being under a CP plan.
The police don't care, they lie and say passwords weren't supplied, that I have given the wrong passwords for devices, that the investigation will be NFA which they then take back. They take no responsibility for their wrongdoings.
My son is losing the final years of his childhood to this misery and frequently attempts to take his life. He's autistic, he doesn't understand the world. He's being treated like a predator that he's simply not.
I know there are no answers but I am just done, we go round in circles, social care refer me to gp, gp refer me to MH, MH discharge and say it's a social care issue... I have given up engaging on services for myself and I'm well aware I'm spiralling.
Love & strength to all. X
Bless your heart Sunshine.
i have no immediate practical advice for you just want to offer a little moral support. Gosh how we've all been where you are right now, those feelings can be extremely hard to shake off and especially those feelings of dread.
You wake up (that's if you sleep) just not wanting to face the reality of what's happening and face another day and what it might bring. Everything is just horrible and painful as you watch your loved ones suffer and so stretched yourself its hard to find the energy to support anyone else!
Thats why its SO SO vital to look after yourself, you matter you are important. Try to do something to take you away from it all, if only for a short while - to charge your batteries. Think of your needs.....
i entirely see your mistrust in the police - we never had any dealings with them before this and I'd never trust them again....... It so hurts when you feel people judge your son with the various labels and you know it's not like that. Grab that by the horns, they are ignorant of the reality and circumstances, you know the truth.
As for the forum, well they've been my brick and the people on it are, one word, awesome... they have been my no1 lifeline.
So one big hug sent for you, your son and family...... keep posting and airing - we are here for you x
i have no immediate practical advice for you just want to offer a little moral support. Gosh how we've all been where you are right now, those feelings can be extremely hard to shake off and especially those feelings of dread.
You wake up (that's if you sleep) just not wanting to face the reality of what's happening and face another day and what it might bring. Everything is just horrible and painful as you watch your loved ones suffer and so stretched yourself its hard to find the energy to support anyone else!
Thats why its SO SO vital to look after yourself, you matter you are important. Try to do something to take you away from it all, if only for a short while - to charge your batteries. Think of your needs.....
i entirely see your mistrust in the police - we never had any dealings with them before this and I'd never trust them again....... It so hurts when you feel people judge your son with the various labels and you know it's not like that. Grab that by the horns, they are ignorant of the reality and circumstances, you know the truth.
As for the forum, well they've been my brick and the people on it are, one word, awesome... they have been my no1 lifeline.
So one big hug sent for you, your son and family...... keep posting and airing - we are here for you x
Thank you for your kind words smile through tears.
Its one of those things that you can't even begin to explain the experience of to others. Unless you've lived it you have no idea, and that isolation is killer. X
Its one of those things that you can't even begin to explain the experience of to others. Unless you've lived it you have no idea, and that isolation is killer. X
Sunshine x
We totally understand how you are feeling but as Smile has said your own self care is so so important,
I hope you can find some much needed support for both you and your son
This journey is horrendous and it can pull you to your knees when you least expect it, that is completely normal
I gave up on thinking what like should be like as we cannot change this , so now I focus on each day and things I can control
Your son has you by his side x
You will find the strength to get through this and please just keep reaching out to us all we are here for you xx
Huge hugs sent xx
We totally understand how you are feeling but as Smile has said your own self care is so so important,
I hope you can find some much needed support for both you and your son
This journey is horrendous and it can pull you to your knees when you least expect it, that is completely normal
I gave up on thinking what like should be like as we cannot change this , so now I focus on each day and things I can control
Your son has you by his side x
You will find the strength to get through this and please just keep reaching out to us all we are here for you xx
Huge hugs sent xx