Blurred Lines & Feeling Guilty
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I have separated from my OH. He's not allowed to live with us regardless cause of our child. I do have to do video calls and see him every week for visits. I feel there are so many blurred lines for me, him and our child.
I have also supported seeing our child for our child's sake however, our child is asking for holidays with daddy. I feel guilty saying no and also OH is saying he can use his holidays for extra time during school hols. I then feel guilty saying no to him as well as that's my time. I constantly ask my child if they want to do video calls as I know OH wants them more than child.
I've taken my child away on holiday just now and I feel guilty talking about it in front of him or too him.
I know it's him that's done wrong but I seem to feel guilty about how much he is now missing out on. Also, about lack of support he's getting from his family. Not because they aren't supporting him, just because they are a rubbish family unit and ery selfish.
How do you stop feeling guilty?
I have also supported seeing our child for our child's sake however, our child is asking for holidays with daddy. I feel guilty saying no and also OH is saying he can use his holidays for extra time during school hols. I then feel guilty saying no to him as well as that's my time. I constantly ask my child if they want to do video calls as I know OH wants them more than child.
I've taken my child away on holiday just now and I feel guilty talking about it in front of him or too him.
I know it's him that's done wrong but I seem to feel guilty about how much he is now missing out on. Also, about lack of support he's getting from his family. Not because they aren't supporting him, just because they are a rubbish family unit and ery selfish.
How do you stop feeling guilty?
I think we're in a very similar situation, in that I've also separated from my 'OH', who can only see our children supervised. I'm guessing you're in the limbo between arrest and forensics etc too? To be honest I don't feel at all guilty, because 'OH' has brought this on himself and on us as a family. Even if he's telling the truth regarding IIOC, he still chose to be on kik, he chose to engage in sexual activity with others (chat, photo sharing etc) behind my back, on a notoriously sketchy app. Yes I'm also frustrated with the ridiculously long wait for forensics and the way investigations are handled, but ultimately he put us here. And in fairness he agrees and accepts that this all flows from HIS actions, and we've both explained this to our children (aged 10 and 13) in an age appropriate way. The supervised time they spend with him is primarily for their benefit not his to my mind, and the sadness this all causes them is his fault. So I guess I just don't think you should feel guilty? You're doing your best as a mother in a horrendous situation not of your making, or your child's making.
Just to add, I feel its primarily your OH's job to explain to your child why they can't see him freely? I made sure my OH had that conversation with the children, and that they knew rules had been put in place by SS that neither I nor OH could necessarily change. Otherwise you as the mother end up being the bad cop, which is incredibly unfair.