Black hole any advice please
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I am in shock oscillating between feeling numb and feeling desperate from moment to moment since we had 'the knock' at 6am 3 days ago. I feel like a beetle run over by a lorry and left upside down flailing about unable to right myself.
At times I want to end this living nightmare, struggling to go on and uncertain who to tell at this stage- adult children/elderly parents as it will cause them great pain. It is an incredibly lonely place to find oneself.
From reading posts I gather under investivation can take ages while my husband's devices wait to be examined. Does anyone have tips how to get through this and what you found that helped in any small.way at all.
Thanks
At times I want to end this living nightmare, struggling to go on and uncertain who to tell at this stage- adult children/elderly parents as it will cause them great pain. It is an incredibly lonely place to find oneself.
From reading posts I gather under investivation can take ages while my husband's devices wait to be examined. Does anyone have tips how to get through this and what you found that helped in any small.way at all.
Thanks
Ella I am so sorry you’ve joined this group. I got the knock on Monday and so far a week on it’s been the most difficult week of my life. My advice is to try and carry on as normal, focus on work and tell someone very close to you that knows you as much of the truths as you can. I found it incredibly helpful and was surprised at how supportive the person I told was. I didn’t give full details but the mere fact that I told someone by who knows me and my partner well really helped me to feel not so alone and like I was part of the lie. Reading this forum also helped me a lot. I haven’t worked up the courage to call the hotline yet but from what I gather it’s incredibly helpful. I’m hoping to call tomorrow for the first time.
Thanks so much, I'm going to try the helpline too, hope it is helpful for both of us.
I've had depression for 6 months and had to give up my job, I was starting to improve, now this nightmare.
I've had depression for 6 months and had to give up my job, I was starting to improve, now this nightmare.
I am so so sorry Ella. There are some days so far that help almost normal and then it all came crashing back to me. I’ve not been sleeping - I’ve been advised to go to the GP to get help and also if you can afford therapy that’s been helpful, it’s important to focus on you being ok.
Hi Ella
Unfortunately it can take many months and I know some people are 18 months in nearly and no closer, there is no consistency and is has a terrible effect on people and their mental health.
The only advice I would give us just take it a day at a time, try not to think too far into the future because it's the unknown, deal with the here and now
Have you got anyone you can confide in? Ring the helpline, they are amazing people and don't have any prejudice, visit your GP just to put yourself in their horizon even if you don't need any help ATM, they may be able to get you counselling which you might find useful.
This does get easier to live with but it's bloody hard
Take care xx
Unfortunately it can take many months and I know some people are 18 months in nearly and no closer, there is no consistency and is has a terrible effect on people and their mental health.
The only advice I would give us just take it a day at a time, try not to think too far into the future because it's the unknown, deal with the here and now
Have you got anyone you can confide in? Ring the helpline, they are amazing people and don't have any prejudice, visit your GP just to put yourself in their horizon even if you don't need any help ATM, they may be able to get you counselling which you might find useful.
This does get easier to live with but it's bloody hard
Take care xx
Hi Ella,
So sorry you have found yourself on here. All I can say is try and confide in someone who will be able to support you. Also don't make any decisions regarding leaving, staying etc. There is no rush, it is a long process and you don't want to make any knee jerk decisions. Don't think to far ahead, one day at a time. Most importantly you must do stuff for yourself, look after yourself. This may mean a trip to your GP, ringing the helpline, joining some of us on mumsnet and I would say keep up any hobbies you already had, or maybe focus on a new one, just to stop you constantly thinking about this almighty mess we are in.
I am now 5 months tomorrow in from the knock. It feels like a lifetime. I'm sending love your way and hope you will feel a little stronger each day. Xx
So sorry you have found yourself on here. All I can say is try and confide in someone who will be able to support you. Also don't make any decisions regarding leaving, staying etc. There is no rush, it is a long process and you don't want to make any knee jerk decisions. Don't think to far ahead, one day at a time. Most importantly you must do stuff for yourself, look after yourself. This may mean a trip to your GP, ringing the helpline, joining some of us on mumsnet and I would say keep up any hobbies you already had, or maybe focus on a new one, just to stop you constantly thinking about this almighty mess we are in.
I am now 5 months tomorrow in from the knock. It feels like a lifetime. I'm sending love your way and hope you will feel a little stronger each day. Xx
Thanks so much for your help Tracey and Dottie,
I really appreciate your replies and encouragement. My mind has been racing ahead to all the worst case scenarios so I'll try to ignore those and concentrate on getting through now.
I have spoken to a close friend this evening which has been helpful and with this forum too I feel a bit less alone in this.
I really appreciate your replies and encouragement. My mind has been racing ahead to all the worst case scenarios so I'll try to ignore those and concentrate on getting through now.
I have spoken to a close friend this evening which has been helpful and with this forum too I feel a bit less alone in this.
Glad you were able to share with someone Ella. I really do think it makes you feel less alone - keep coming back here and having a chat, I keep checking it daily and it’s made me feel a bit better.
does anyone have the details for the mumsnet chat? It’d be nice to chat on there too x
does anyone have the details for the mumsnet chat? It’d be nice to chat on there too x
Hi Frazzled48
Regarding mumsnet there is a thread somewhere on here, I will see if I can find it and bump it upto the top. In the meantime my mumsnet name is sun68 if you would like to get in contact with me. Some of us have gone on to be in WhatsApp groups and some of us have even met. The support is amazing and I wouldn't be without it. Xx
Regarding mumsnet there is a thread somewhere on here, I will see if I can find it and bump it upto the top. In the meantime my mumsnet name is sun68 if you would like to get in contact with me. Some of us have gone on to be in WhatsApp groups and some of us have even met. The support is amazing and I wouldn't be without it. Xx
Hi frazzled
You need to join Mumsnet then you can private message people
My user name on there is TB14
It's been an absolute life line for people, me included
I'm now in touch with about 25 ladies who I now class as my friends, they understand and get it as only you can if you've been/going through it!!
Xx
You need to join Mumsnet then you can private message people
My user name on there is TB14
It's been an absolute life line for people, me included
I'm now in touch with about 25 ladies who I now class as my friends, they understand and get it as only you can if you've been/going through it!!
Xx
Hi Tracey and Dottie- I’ve Joined mumsnet (same user name). I can’t find you guys on there (I might be being really thick). Would you be able to point me to the thread? Really would love to speak to you ladies x
Hi Frazzled 48 and anyone else who has confided in a close friend. I am exactly 4 weeks post knock. So far, both my parents and my partner's mum are the only ones who know. I have confided in a friend but as she is a really good friend of both of ours (as most of our friends are) I am worried about giving her full disclosure. I have just said to her that we are going through a stressful time and I will need her support. She is a great friend and seemed okay with this at the start but now we have met up with other friends and I am not sure if she feels awkward knowing something is up, but not what it is. I will tell her eventually, but it seems like a risk not necessarily worth taking right now as it will depend on the outcome of all this as to what we will (have to) tell close friends.
Any advice or experience regarding telling a close friend who knows you both? How have they reacted regarding the offending partner? I do feel like having a friend to talk to would be easier than family in some ways, but it is so difficult as once it is out there you can't take it back.
Any advice or experience regarding telling a close friend who knows you both? How have they reacted regarding the offending partner? I do feel like having a friend to talk to would be easier than family in some ways, but it is so difficult as once it is out there you can't take it back.