Feeling guilty and don't know what to do
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My OH moved out a few weeks ago as I had to choose between my job and my relationship with him. We have been keeping light contact as I do still care about him.
This Saturday his sister messaged me as she was worried that she had not heard from my OH. She was unaware we had split up. I messaged OH to get him to contact her. Apparently all he said was that he was OK and that we had split up.
Obviously, this did not reassure his sister, so she continued asking me questions. I advised her that it was not my place to tell her what was going on, it had to come from OH. What I was able to tell her only made her worry more.
What became apparent is that I am the only person that knows what is happening with OH, so therefore his only confidant. Knowing this, I am feeling bad that we have separated and I am trying to move on and break contact. But he needs someone in his corner and I am the only one. But if I take him back, I will lose my job and quite a lot of friends too.
I do still care about him, and worry about him. I would feel awful if something happened to him because he was completely isolated. I don't know what to do.
This Saturday his sister messaged me as she was worried that she had not heard from my OH. She was unaware we had split up. I messaged OH to get him to contact her. Apparently all he said was that he was OK and that we had split up.
Obviously, this did not reassure his sister, so she continued asking me questions. I advised her that it was not my place to tell her what was going on, it had to come from OH. What I was able to tell her only made her worry more.
What became apparent is that I am the only person that knows what is happening with OH, so therefore his only confidant. Knowing this, I am feeling bad that we have separated and I am trying to move on and break contact. But he needs someone in his corner and I am the only one. But if I take him back, I will lose my job and quite a lot of friends too.
I do still care about him, and worry about him. I would feel awful if something happened to him because he was completely isolated. I don't know what to do.
Hello, I have been in a similar situation in the sense I was the only person there to support my partner, he didn't tell anyone and I felt trapped that I had to support, reassure and care for him all whilst trying to keep all the other plates spinning. I don't know what the future holds for us but I'm glad I have been there to support him as aside from his offence, he was always a great dad to our children and a supportive partner to me. I feel for you as it's awful to feel trapped but at the end of the day you have not done anything wrong and you need to live your own life and ensure you are happy. There's no quick fix and I know I would of regretted making the rash decisions I thought about in the early days xx
Hi, what a difficult situation you're in. I hate to think of someone dealing with this alone but on the other hand I completely understand why you had to make the decision you made. He isn't your responsibility but it's so hard to watch someone you still care about suffer alone.
It sounds as if your persons sister cares about him so could you help and encourage him to open up and tell her what the true situation is. The chances are she'll find out one day anyway so if you could get him to speak to her she may be able to provide him with some support which would take that responsibility from you.
It sounds as if your persons sister cares about him so could you help and encourage him to open up and tell her what the true situation is. The chances are she'll find out one day anyway so if you could get him to speak to her she may be able to provide him with some support which would take that responsibility from you.
The more people he can trust who know, the better it will be for him. If you do the LFF course, they take you through the Better Lives model which is all about balancing needs and building the support networks that were perhaps lacking in the lead up to offending.
I have stayed with my husband, and I can understand why you feel the way you do about splitting up. However, when things get tricky, I try to remember that it was his bad choices that caused this mess and it is not a victimless crime.
I hope he feels able to tell his sister who clearly wants to be supportive. In my limited experience, the women in our lives have been more supportive and understanding than the men.
xxx
I have stayed with my husband, and I can understand why you feel the way you do about splitting up. However, when things get tricky, I try to remember that it was his bad choices that caused this mess and it is not a victimless crime.
I hope he feels able to tell his sister who clearly wants to be supportive. In my limited experience, the women in our lives have been more supportive and understanding than the men.
xxx
Thanks for the replies. It is trying to convince my OH to tell his sister. He thinks she will reject him if he says anything. I want to tell her, because I can see how worried she is. But it is not for me to tell. Which leaves me stuck in thr middle.
I have separated from my partner but remain 'friends' I feel like I'm the only friend he has. His kids don't want to know him.
I do feel sorry for him and the life he has got now but for me I couldn't live with what he had done.
Probably part of me still loves him but it is not enough.
I do feel sorry for him and the life he has got now but for me I couldn't live with what he had done.
Probably part of me still loves him but it is not enough.