Brother arrested
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I am not sure where to begin... 5 months ago I got a call from my brother to tell me he had been arrested for possession of explicit online material of children..
He is a lovely, popular, and socialable man and the last person you would expect this from.
It has thrown me into a spiral of guilt, shame and anxiety. I am struggling to reconcile the person i have known and loved my whole life with what I have learned about him.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of crisis?. To make things more devastating, my husband who was sexually abused as a child is naturally having an extremely hard time with this. I feel completely trapped.
My parents and I have decided to tell no one at this stage so I feel like an actor in my own ife. I can't talk to anyone and have had to pretend that life is normal. A big source of my anxiety is the fear that I will slip up and say something.
I feel very alone and in the midst of an existential crisis
He is a lovely, popular, and socialable man and the last person you would expect this from.
It has thrown me into a spiral of guilt, shame and anxiety. I am struggling to reconcile the person i have known and loved my whole life with what I have learned about him.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of crisis?. To make things more devastating, my husband who was sexually abused as a child is naturally having an extremely hard time with this. I feel completely trapped.
My parents and I have decided to tell no one at this stage so I feel like an actor in my own ife. I can't talk to anyone and have had to pretend that life is normal. A big source of my anxiety is the fear that I will slip up and say something.
I feel very alone and in the midst of an existential crisis
Please contact the LFF helpline & pour out your fears & worries. Many of us have done so & it's a good starting point.
I dreaded telling my three adult children about their brother's arrest but they have been wonderfully supportive of us,each other & warily their brother. Everyone has to make their own journey in this.
Keep logging onto this forum to know that you are not alone.
I dreaded telling my three adult children about their brother's arrest but they have been wonderfully supportive of us,each other & warily their brother. Everyone has to make their own journey in this.
Keep logging onto this forum to know that you are not alone.
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Hi
My offender is my dad. It is very normal to have this crisis and anxiety. Reconciling the offence with my father has been so difficult. However, for me, Total honesty and listening to the his story helped me to understand. Also a lot of research. There are many reasons why people Seek this kind of content.
It is not an excuse and many days I still am very angry and sad. But I stand by my dad and maintain a relationship. He has a very severe addiction and needs help. Maybe this is also the case for your brother.
What you feel is valid, any decision you take is also valid. This is so hard and many People will never understand. But we do!
Kind regards
Daughterlost
My offender is my dad. It is very normal to have this crisis and anxiety. Reconciling the offence with my father has been so difficult. However, for me, Total honesty and listening to the his story helped me to understand. Also a lot of research. There are many reasons why people Seek this kind of content.
It is not an excuse and many days I still am very angry and sad. But I stand by my dad and maintain a relationship. He has a very severe addiction and needs help. Maybe this is also the case for your brother.
What you feel is valid, any decision you take is also valid. This is so hard and many People will never understand. But we do!
Kind regards
Daughterlost
Hi Abigail,
Right here with you. It's terribly hard when your person is your brother. There are lots of experiences on here from wonderful people who have gone through this with their partners, sons or parents but I've not seen many as siblings.
We had the knock 14 months ago now, currently waiting on 2nd interview. It's horrible but I promise it gets a little easier. I find it's a lot like grief in that certain things trigger waves of pain.
Unfortunately my brother hasn't spoken to me about it, everything I know is information passed onto me by my parents or his girlfriend but if you can speak to Jim directly and he is willing to open up it may help you to understand what he was thinking.
My husband has also struggled immensely with it and has cut ties with my brother. I actually ended up going to counselling as i found talking to my husband about the situation was detrimental not just to his own mental health but our relationship and i needed an outlet. It's definitely worth speaking to the LFF if you feel you need to talk to someone, and it might be worth looking into counselling so you have an outlet that doesn't cause your husband further distress talking about it.
Please feel free to message me if you need someone going through the same thing. It's really tough and it's so important to have support. I found this forum so helpful in those early days and still come back to read through when I'm struggling.
Right here with you. It's terribly hard when your person is your brother. There are lots of experiences on here from wonderful people who have gone through this with their partners, sons or parents but I've not seen many as siblings.
We had the knock 14 months ago now, currently waiting on 2nd interview. It's horrible but I promise it gets a little easier. I find it's a lot like grief in that certain things trigger waves of pain.
Unfortunately my brother hasn't spoken to me about it, everything I know is information passed onto me by my parents or his girlfriend but if you can speak to Jim directly and he is willing to open up it may help you to understand what he was thinking.
My husband has also struggled immensely with it and has cut ties with my brother. I actually ended up going to counselling as i found talking to my husband about the situation was detrimental not just to his own mental health but our relationship and i needed an outlet. It's definitely worth speaking to the LFF if you feel you need to talk to someone, and it might be worth looking into counselling so you have an outlet that doesn't cause your husband further distress talking about it.
Please feel free to message me if you need someone going through the same thing. It's really tough and it's so important to have support. I found this forum so helpful in those early days and still come back to read through when I'm struggling.