Finding things really tough
Notifications OFF
So my knock was May this year never got told anything until my husband came out of court on the Monday he was arrested on the Friday anyway its all gone quiet and so has my husband more recently that he's started attending a group I know nothing about what goes on there he just doesn't talk to me about much I did phone for help a few months ago and got nowhere still waiting Im just crumbling my mind is going into overdrive I've been married to him for nearly 18 years and I just don't understand why probs never know I so want to run away but truth is I'm too scared to be on my own my now adult kids still live at home so makes it harder as I'm trying to stay calm but still every day I just want to hit him I love him but my heart is shattered lost our house he lost his job and I just don't know what to do anymore I'm so down and just need to talk to someone but I don't have any friends just 3 family members that know even his mum doesn't speak to me now we weren't close but now I feel I'm just being avoided by everyone I wish I knew what to do but instead I just cry every night away from everyone
Hi Vikter, so sorry to hear how much you are struggling. The knock for me was in May aswell. I have been with my husband 13 years. Massive shock and being suddenly plumitted into this nightmare takes it's toll. I have become unsure of a lot of things. For now I am sticking by my husband as I know this has been born through an addiction to porn. We have a massive amount to work through and I don't get know if it's possible but we will try our hardest. He is doing all he can to address his behaviour. He has no use of internet now and is having therapy and is on the inform plus course. I too am on the inform course which I have found a great support as you can talk openly with a small group of others going through the same thing.
I too was scared about if I would be able to leave my husband. My children are also adults now but at the moment one lives at home and one is at uni. I asked for a separation from my husband when this all first exploded. I gave him a list of what needed to be worked on and said the separation would be for 3 to 6 months with the view of getting back together if he was addressing the issues. He has been working so hard on them, but more to the point I have been working hard on me. I have learnt that I am strong enough to live by myself and have taken up new hobbies and visited old ones that I had lost along the way. I am on a group formed through mumsnet, you may have seen the thread on here about it and the support is incredible and so worth it. I have even met up with one of them and plan on meeting the rest of my lovely group soon. Well worth doing if you feel you need that extra support.
I really do hope things get better for you. Your husband needs to be open and 100% honest if you are to work through it. You will also have to hear stuff you should never have to, whilst keeping calm so that he doesn't clam up. I am sending love your way and hope for better days for you. Xxx
I too was scared about if I would be able to leave my husband. My children are also adults now but at the moment one lives at home and one is at uni. I asked for a separation from my husband when this all first exploded. I gave him a list of what needed to be worked on and said the separation would be for 3 to 6 months with the view of getting back together if he was addressing the issues. He has been working so hard on them, but more to the point I have been working hard on me. I have learnt that I am strong enough to live by myself and have taken up new hobbies and visited old ones that I had lost along the way. I am on a group formed through mumsnet, you may have seen the thread on here about it and the support is incredible and so worth it. I have even met up with one of them and plan on meeting the rest of my lovely group soon. Well worth doing if you feel you need that extra support.
I really do hope things get better for you. Your husband needs to be open and 100% honest if you are to work through it. You will also have to hear stuff you should never have to, whilst keeping calm so that he doesn't clam up. I am sending love your way and hope for better days for you. Xxx
Thank you for your kind replies I have today been to see my gp who has made an appointment with the mental health nurse I am so scared to be telling yet someone else but hopefully for the best today I have cried a lot all day on and off I can't even look at my partner today I'm so glad he's on a new night shift job he had to resign from his other employment, I have no idea what's going to happen at this appointment in 2 weeks time but I've never felt so down and yes suicidal at times as I'm so hurting I already suffer with nerves and anxiety due to my severe allergies (anaphylaxis) unable to go out due to allergies or eat the (normal) foods and drinks I used to be able to eat just 3 years ago and now this has lowered my mood so much I'm scared of what people may say or think should this hit the media I worry a lot about my daughter aged 17 as she's very sharp and 1 word answers to her dad because of what he's done my mother in-law has stopped phoning me now yet I've done nothing wrong and yet my family are trying so hard to help yet I just get sick of hearing you'll be ok it'll get better well I can't be sure things will ever get better they may or may not at this moment in time I have to take each hour at a time as mentioned by my gp who was great with me and try focus on something so I've taken to make and do things and caring for my pets which is what is keeping me here I guess and my children who I can't wait to see graduate from university in a few years sorry I've rambled on my thoughts just go on and on hopefully I can find some help soon xxx
Vikter,
Sounds like you are having such a hard time. The nurse will help I'm sure. I too have always suffered from anxiety, but I use a technique that you focus on now this second. If nothing is happening in this second then everything is ok. When mind goes straight back to anxiety mode you just keep doing this. It eventually retrains the brain.
If you get a mumsnet account, I am sun68 if you would like to contact me. Try and look after yourself. One hour at a time, one day at a time. It won't always be this hell, eventually it has to get better
Xxx
Sounds like you are having such a hard time. The nurse will help I'm sure. I too have always suffered from anxiety, but I use a technique that you focus on now this second. If nothing is happening in this second then everything is ok. When mind goes straight back to anxiety mode you just keep doing this. It eventually retrains the brain.
If you get a mumsnet account, I am sun68 if you would like to contact me. Try and look after yourself. One hour at a time, one day at a time. It won't always be this hell, eventually it has to get better
Xxx
Hi Vikter,
I totally understand how you feel. I have recently started having cognitive analytical therapy to manage my anxiety. Every time the door bell went I would have palpitations, I didn't want to be at home as I was scared who would appear. I am
on medication, antidepressants and propanalol. I also felt suicidal and had chosen my method and where it would be.
As I have said on other posts we are the hidden victims of all this.
I would urge you to have some counselling/therapy and also to confide in good friends. I could not have got through this without friends who have been non judgmental and totally supportive.
Cornish Tea x
I totally understand how you feel. I have recently started having cognitive analytical therapy to manage my anxiety. Every time the door bell went I would have palpitations, I didn't want to be at home as I was scared who would appear. I am
on medication, antidepressants and propanalol. I also felt suicidal and had chosen my method and where it would be.
As I have said on other posts we are the hidden victims of all this.
I would urge you to have some counselling/therapy and also to confide in good friends. I could not have got through this without friends who have been non judgmental and totally supportive.
Cornish Tea x
Thank you for your posts I do hope some sort of therapy will benifits as this isn't a good life to be live for all of us affected unfortunately I don't have any friends around the only friends I have are family members and that is only 3 family members close by who I can and have spoken to about everything I struggle to make friends due to having serious allergies meaning I can't go out to meet any life has always been a struggle but I just got on with it until now where I struggle a lot and so wish I could get out without the worry of maybe having to use epipen and ending up in hospital so I choose the safe option and stay indoors more so now, I do have a mum's net account but just set it up and I haven't a clue how to work it yet to get in touch with anyone but will keep trying x