New here and feeling scared
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Hi all,
I am new to the forum, but unfortunately my journey did start back in April this year. My partner of five years, who I live with, was arrested for sexual communication with a minor.
Brief summary:
It was one individual, and no images were exchanged. The issue is that they asked about masturbation, and my partner told them how to do certain things. The sexual messages exchanged were over the course of a day, but he had messaged 'normally' for a few months. On reflection, he said working from home made him feel lonely, and he never expected the conversation to turn into what it did. He ended up deleting the app he was using eventually, but was caught. We think it seems like a police decoy currently.
Whole world obviously tipped upsidedown. We got a solicitor involved quite quickly, even though we had been advised the process itself is 'slow'. He lost his job as his work laptop was seized, so he was honest but it did not change anything.
No further evidence found, but we were told police were submitting evidence to the CPS. This was three weeks ago. Today things have taken a turn for the worse, and have received news from the CPS that he will now be charged for two separate offences:
1) sexual communication
2) inciting sexual activity
In complete shock, I can't believe it's got this far this quickly. They say the first hearing will now be in a couple of weeks. I am so scared on what will happen. We have been trying to work through the situation and my partner is seeking counselling. To make things worse, he disclosed that if he was sent to prison, suicide was on his mind. I really am just writing as I feel alone in the situation. The friends we have told have been not so supportive and the judgement and expectation to tell more and more people is hurting. Family has but they all live extremely far away.
I am new to the forum, but unfortunately my journey did start back in April this year. My partner of five years, who I live with, was arrested for sexual communication with a minor.
Brief summary:
It was one individual, and no images were exchanged. The issue is that they asked about masturbation, and my partner told them how to do certain things. The sexual messages exchanged were over the course of a day, but he had messaged 'normally' for a few months. On reflection, he said working from home made him feel lonely, and he never expected the conversation to turn into what it did. He ended up deleting the app he was using eventually, but was caught. We think it seems like a police decoy currently.
Whole world obviously tipped upsidedown. We got a solicitor involved quite quickly, even though we had been advised the process itself is 'slow'. He lost his job as his work laptop was seized, so he was honest but it did not change anything.
No further evidence found, but we were told police were submitting evidence to the CPS. This was three weeks ago. Today things have taken a turn for the worse, and have received news from the CPS that he will now be charged for two separate offences:
1) sexual communication
2) inciting sexual activity
In complete shock, I can't believe it's got this far this quickly. They say the first hearing will now be in a couple of weeks. I am so scared on what will happen. We have been trying to work through the situation and my partner is seeking counselling. To make things worse, he disclosed that if he was sent to prison, suicide was on his mind. I really am just writing as I feel alone in the situation. The friends we have told have been not so supportive and the judgement and expectation to tell more and more people is hurting. Family has but they all live extremely far away.
I just wanted to say how I completely understand how terrified you must feel as my OH will be facing the same charges soon, we suspect, with a very similar convo with a decoy, who allegedly was acting as a 12 yr old.
We have waited 2.5 years so far and I am absolutely terrified of it all getting out in public. We too confided in two friends (one of mine, one of his) and we were ditched overnight. Only one other friend knows and they have been really supportive. We live in a small community and it will rattle through the grapevine like wildfire.
I am so sorry you are going through this too. I have to say I am amazed how quickly it's happening for you now you have charges. It's so frightening after such a long wait isn't it.
I don't have much advice to give other than be kind to yourself, eat well and drink plenty of water, you will feel better for it. Perhaps write a reference of support for your partner, and also make a list of the mitigation he could use.
Best of luck and keep in touch, very happy for you to message me should you want to X
We have waited 2.5 years so far and I am absolutely terrified of it all getting out in public. We too confided in two friends (one of mine, one of his) and we were ditched overnight. Only one other friend knows and they have been really supportive. We live in a small community and it will rattle through the grapevine like wildfire.
I am so sorry you are going through this too. I have to say I am amazed how quickly it's happening for you now you have charges. It's so frightening after such a long wait isn't it.
I don't have much advice to give other than be kind to yourself, eat well and drink plenty of water, you will feel better for it. Perhaps write a reference of support for your partner, and also make a list of the mitigation he could use.
Best of luck and keep in touch, very happy for you to message me should you want to X
My heart goes out to you as so much of your persons story resonates with my son's story. These next few weeks will be really tough as your person prepares for his plea hearing and then sentencing but you will get through it.
I remember how the shock of the charges took us right back to day 1 but after a week or so of wanting to fall asleep and not wake up we managed to focus on the practical things that we needed to get in place as we prepared for the worst outcome.
Keep reaching out on here as you go through these difficult days as we're here to walk this next part of your journey with you.
I remember how the shock of the charges took us right back to day 1 but after a week or so of wanting to fall asleep and not wake up we managed to focus on the practical things that we needed to get in place as we prepared for the worst outcome.
Keep reaching out on here as you go through these difficult days as we're here to walk this next part of your journey with you.
Thank-you so much Ocean and EllBee, your replies have really warmed my heart. I am so glad I have found this forum, and wish I knew of it sooner. I'm glad that no matter what, it seems there is still light at the end of the tunnel regardless of the situation.
The first hearing has been set for late September, so I am glad we have some breathing room after everything going so quickly to begin with. The charging meeting was interesting- turns out they were investigating 3, but one has no further action. The other two have now been changed to "attempting" for each, so I am not sure if this changes anything legally but it seems to be better on first look.
We have also had it confirmed that it was a police decoy, as my partner saw in the paperwork it was an officer 'acting as ___'. They started turning the conversation the way they did, so the solicitor seems to think it will be a good defence.
My only worry is that one of the charges worded what my partner had said in a different way, to what he has told me. He is not sure if he said the phrase this way or if they have simply summarised a series of messages. This part is affecting me most today, but overall feels like a relief this part is now done for now.
The first hearing has been set for late September, so I am glad we have some breathing room after everything going so quickly to begin with. The charging meeting was interesting- turns out they were investigating 3, but one has no further action. The other two have now been changed to "attempting" for each, so I am not sure if this changes anything legally but it seems to be better on first look.
We have also had it confirmed that it was a police decoy, as my partner saw in the paperwork it was an officer 'acting as ___'. They started turning the conversation the way they did, so the solicitor seems to think it will be a good defence.
My only worry is that one of the charges worded what my partner had said in a different way, to what he has told me. He is not sure if he said the phrase this way or if they have simply summarised a series of messages. This part is affecting me most today, but overall feels like a relief this part is now done for now.