Grieving
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Since we went to the plea hearing and subsequent SOR notification with our ASC son on Wednesday I feel like I'm grieving for the life he should have , arrested at 18 and now 20 he has spent all of that time in limbo , although has held down a full time job that he has been promoted in , I cant help worrying about his future with the stigma of the SOR ????. Its all I can think about in waking hours and it all feels so out of my control , my son is so much more than what the court see on the paperwork from the CPS .
Hi Bobbie, I completely get your worries as I had them too after my son was sentenced. My son who was in his 20's lost everything, his marriage, family life, home and job and I really struggled to see a future for him. 8 months later and after going through various mental well being workshops I am no longer spending all my waking hours worrying about it.
I now view it as his story and am learning to celebrate the smallest of achievements. This evening we have taken his children to a carnival. Just to see him out there in the community enjoying time with his children makes me happy. I know life won't be easy for him but he's learning to live a far simpler life and would say he's happy.
I expected to feel better after sentencing but I didn't. It took me sometime to be able to relax and smile again but time is a great healer. You will adapt and in time you'll find yourself worrying less and enjoying the moment more but it takes time and practice.
I'm sending you and your son a big hug x
I now view it as his story and am learning to celebrate the smallest of achievements. This evening we have taken his children to a carnival. Just to see him out there in the community enjoying time with his children makes me happy. I know life won't be easy for him but he's learning to live a far simpler life and would say he's happy.
I expected to feel better after sentencing but I didn't. It took me sometime to be able to relax and smile again but time is a great healer. You will adapt and in time you'll find yourself worrying less and enjoying the moment more but it takes time and practice.
I'm sending you and your son a big hug x
I'm with Ocean - who is such a lovely positive guide for me and I'm sure many others.
I understand your feelings/worries and indeed the grief, it's like a bereavement - I haven't seen my son in over three years, most of his belongings remain in our home, he's gone but yet we speak twice a week. I miss him dreadfully and dream about seeing him, hugging him....
But I think this whole journey is about accepting what's happened (I'll add here I will never accept what my son did) - and dropping the fight to a degree, as you do your best to move forward. Happiness drips feeds back in your life, instead of curling up in a painful ball, you slowly uncurl, stretch out and move on.
i know our future holds many challenges but ive accepted I carnt do anything to stop or change it, I just do what I can to support him and love my family. I also accept there will be 'blips' along the way.
Honest my lovely you are strong and you will work through these stages and find strength to be kind to yourself and support your son. Trouble is in this journey we overthink, as much as we try not to. But as in life our worries can twist and turn/don't happen, it's a minefield!
keep strong Bobbie xxxxx
I understand your feelings/worries and indeed the grief, it's like a bereavement - I haven't seen my son in over three years, most of his belongings remain in our home, he's gone but yet we speak twice a week. I miss him dreadfully and dream about seeing him, hugging him....
But I think this whole journey is about accepting what's happened (I'll add here I will never accept what my son did) - and dropping the fight to a degree, as you do your best to move forward. Happiness drips feeds back in your life, instead of curling up in a painful ball, you slowly uncurl, stretch out and move on.
i know our future holds many challenges but ive accepted I carnt do anything to stop or change it, I just do what I can to support him and love my family. I also accept there will be 'blips' along the way.
Honest my lovely you are strong and you will work through these stages and find strength to be kind to yourself and support your son. Trouble is in this journey we overthink, as much as we try not to. But as in life our worries can twist and turn/don't happen, it's a minefield!
keep strong Bobbie xxxxx
I think that whoever our person is that we grieve the loss of what we had, the loss of the future we thought we would have, the loss of our hopes and dreams.
I'm currently getting counselling and she has said it is like a bereavement but if someone has died it is ok to talk about it. But in our situations we cannot speak about our grief.
I'm currently getting counselling and she has said it is like a bereavement but if someone has died it is ok to talk about it. But in our situations we cannot speak about our grief.