Family and Friends Forum

Thanks for posting this article .

I believe this report is true for many of our people. But for me the trust has gone. I feel that I'm disgusted he was doing this whilst I was in the house asleep.ibfind it hugely disrespectful. He isn't the person I thought he was. I couldn't deal with the constant lies and secrets. He has blown our family apart.

A very sad state of affairs.

Wonderful to see such a candid & honest account of the whole experience from knock to post sentencing. Thank you for the share x

I am so glad I read this!!! My 'knock' only happened last week, and I'm in total shock and feeling so much shame for feeling sorry for my finance, and looking at this from the perspective that he's mentally unwell and needs help!!! It's good to know that others have supported someone in such horrific situations!!!

I'm so so worried that my boys will be taken away though..! Can anyone tell me their experiences of supporting someone watching this horror from the perspective of mental health, but also has to think of the kids. Of course they will ALWAYS come first if I had to choose!!!!

This was a really interesting and genuine read. I've not stayed with my oh but feel that this man really did put their child first and worked hard together at been honest from the point of knock. They both made sacrifices and hopefully their relationship will continue to grow.

Each situation is so unique

Absolutely this journey is so unique for everyone. For me I am still waiting on news 2.5 years later, and every day the anxiety builds and also the fear of the media fallout. For me this article will be useful to show friends in future (if it does hit the media) to try and understand how he got in this situation in the first place, but also why I am standing by him.

if you are on here Matthew and Emily (wrong names obvs) well done for being courageous, and thank you X

@lkw24 I'm sorry you find yourself amongst us on the forum. To avoid your question being lost on this thread I'd suggest you post an individual post. You'll find a huge amount of support here from people at different stages of this journey x

Thank you for all your lovely comments. I have been a user of the forum since January 2023 when we got the knock, and although I've signed up under a new user name now, I was a very active member of this forum for a good year between the knock and sentencing and am so grateful for everyone's support here. We couldn't have got to this place without it.

Regarding the article, we really wanted to get a story out that spoke of the impact on me, my husband's route into offending and also offer some hope at the end for couples/families that choose to remain together and work with services to enable that to happen.

Hopefully that came across, and if it can help someone seek support/prevent or stop someone offending then it will have been worth the challenge of the interview process and the nerves of waiting to see what would be published!

A huge thank you also to the LFF helpline and inform/inform+ courses.

Good luck to everyone on their journey

"Emily"

Beherenow,

Thank you so much for your courage telling your story. I cling to these stories of hope. I even shared your article with my husband.

I, like so many others, do not condone what my husband did. I do not minimize or rationalize. I told my husband that the only way our marriage makes it is if he accepts full responsibility for his actions, legally, that he receives professional counselling, and that he is active for the rest of his life in a 12 step support group. That is what I need to feel safe. My old friends judge me and think I'm weak but they are wrong.

I also relate to your need to help others. It's the only way to have something positive come out of this experience. You have helped me! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Emily x

What a read thank you for sharing xx

Thank you all, I've let my husband know that several people have commented saying they've found it helpful and he is over the moon as it was a very painful process so that's made it really worthwhile to him and to me :)

For those looking at rehabilitation work, some of the things he did:

He did weekly then fortnightly sessions with a stopso counsellor

Spoke to the LFF helpline

Completed the inform+ course

Wrote reflective accounts after listening to the pixels of a crime scene podcast about victim impact

Created a detailed safety plan regarding our child

Created a detailed life timeline to understand triggers for misuse of porn and where the illegal behaviour started and came from

Listened to 'your brain on porn' audio book with me, and then we would discuss and he'd write a reflective piece

Stopped using all porn

Has an app on his phone that lets me see everything he does on his electronic devices in real time, and also sends email flags of anything concerning

"Emily" I really admire the strength and courage both you and your husband have shown and think your stories will help so many people gain a better understanding of why and how people find themselves in this situation. Thank you for being a voice and for speaking out in such a powerful way.

Thankyou 'Emily'. You are a rave woman. All best wishes for moving forward together.