My 1st Knock
Notifications OFF
Hi the day I thought wouldent come came yesterday and I was deviated that I had police in the house searching for things I waited 6 hours for them to bring him home and they toled me what happened he had been speeking to someone he thought was a minor on a site but it was really a police officer but when he was offered pictures or a chance to meet he refused that's a positive for me his family seem to be done with him and they are the only ones who know our situation my partner is deviated he is going to start going to a therapist and we will go see a solicitor but he's adiment everyone is better off without him and he wants to kill himself eaven tho I said I would stay and help him. I have restricted all internet access and he only has his PlayStation I'm terrified of coming home tomorrow from work and he would of done something silly I have no idea what to think
So sorry to hear that this has happened. I think often the shock of this situation causes people, family or friends to react in such a variety of ways. Some people will surprise you with less severe reactions and others will withdraw leaving you feeling so isolated. Everyone in this scenario seems to face a sentence of some sort.
It is very early days, it's so much to sink in, the shock will be there for a long while, hopefully it is the case that reactions will adjust with time.
I think a therapist is a good option but maybe he needs to see his GP sooner, especially if he is expressing a desire to end his life. I attended the GP with my husband the monday after the saturday he was arrested. I know our GP did not indicate any level of judgement, just wanted to know facts and was able to sign post us to support and also intially provided him with medication due to his low mood. It is a natural response but the uncertainty is so scary, especially when that response is so out of character for them.
Is it possible he contacted you regularly throughout the day? Placing that responsiblity on him may indicate that you do wish to hear from him and expect to hear from him.
I also want to say, remember to look after you. You are going through so much, so much loss. His circumstances is also a great responsbility for you to feel. I know I felt that. My husband expressed the same wishes as yours when he came home. I couldn't face work and stayed off sick with him for two weeks. If this is an option, maybe it would be good for you - it can be so difficult to face people. I have become a fabulous actress over the past year pretending all is ok with everyone.
I am thinking of you and I hope you keep us updated and continue to post on the forum. Everyone here is wonderful, supportive and so caring. It won't make your situation better but it is proof that you are not alone. There is a sadness to that but also a relief. xxxxx
It is very early days, it's so much to sink in, the shock will be there for a long while, hopefully it is the case that reactions will adjust with time.
I think a therapist is a good option but maybe he needs to see his GP sooner, especially if he is expressing a desire to end his life. I attended the GP with my husband the monday after the saturday he was arrested. I know our GP did not indicate any level of judgement, just wanted to know facts and was able to sign post us to support and also intially provided him with medication due to his low mood. It is a natural response but the uncertainty is so scary, especially when that response is so out of character for them.
Is it possible he contacted you regularly throughout the day? Placing that responsiblity on him may indicate that you do wish to hear from him and expect to hear from him.
I also want to say, remember to look after you. You are going through so much, so much loss. His circumstances is also a great responsbility for you to feel. I know I felt that. My husband expressed the same wishes as yours when he came home. I couldn't face work and stayed off sick with him for two weeks. If this is an option, maybe it would be good for you - it can be so difficult to face people. I have become a fabulous actress over the past year pretending all is ok with everyone.
I am thinking of you and I hope you keep us updated and continue to post on the forum. Everyone here is wonderful, supportive and so caring. It won't make your situation better but it is proof that you are not alone. There is a sadness to that but also a relief. xxxxx
Hi bubble
Thanks for the reply I came home from work today fearing the worst but everything is fine I am glad I can turn to people here for advice as this is all new to me I did have a panic attack today at work I would take more time off but at this job I don't get sick pay so I can't afford to take time off and we will have to save some money for solicitor and therepy sadfully money was already a struggle
Anyway thanks for being so nice in this terrible time x
Thanks for the reply I came home from work today fearing the worst but everything is fine I am glad I can turn to people here for advice as this is all new to me I did have a panic attack today at work I would take more time off but at this job I don't get sick pay so I can't afford to take time off and we will have to save some money for solicitor and therepy sadfully money was already a struggle
Anyway thanks for being so nice in this terrible time x
Hi everyone I'm now almost 2 months post knock we have been making massive changed we have done the safer lives program and addressing the underlying problem we have a therapist and a private solicitor but because it's his 4th time we have been advised prison is inevitable so now I'm trying to cope with that we don't have a court date I am totally lost some days I can cope but today is a bad one I have no idea how we can show the court that to continue his treatment for his health issues is better for him to not be in prison I'm truly devistated and spent all day crying and this is the only place I know that people are in the same situation or similar
Oh sweetheart,
I'm so glad things have moved on in a positive direction for you both. The thought of custodial must be terrifying, however, hard as it is, try to take things day by day. Keep yourselves busy to take your mind off things. Sometimes we are unable to change the inevitable and it's a case of just having to learn to deal with it. Nothing will be achieved by worry sadly. Although worry is a normal emotion. If it happens, it happens and you WILL both find a way of dealing with it. It's surprising how strong us humans are when we have too. Mine is still under investigation. He denies it all so goodness knows what the future holds. We are taking it one day at a time. I support him, even if found guilty. I'm thinking of you xxx
I'm so glad things have moved on in a positive direction for you both. The thought of custodial must be terrifying, however, hard as it is, try to take things day by day. Keep yourselves busy to take your mind off things. Sometimes we are unable to change the inevitable and it's a case of just having to learn to deal with it. Nothing will be achieved by worry sadly. Although worry is a normal emotion. If it happens, it happens and you WILL both find a way of dealing with it. It's surprising how strong us humans are when we have too. Mine is still under investigation. He denies it all so goodness knows what the future holds. We are taking it one day at a time. I support him, even if found guilty. I'm thinking of you xxx