Porn addiction topic and struggles with coping.
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Hi guys,
I wish I had come across this forum sooner, but better late than never. It has been a year next month since there was the dreaded knock on the door. It was revealed to me that my partner had a porn addiction and once the videos were not satisfying enough anymore, he moved onto sexual conversations in chay rooms and because of his nihilistic views and his loneliness, he simply just wanted attention, but didn't care who it was from. He was caught with sending indecent pictures of himself and sexual conversations with an undercover officer. This went on for over a two day period.
I have supported him the whole way through this. We did move out of our home and went separately to live with our parents. I have definitely lost myself at times to make sure he is ok. I just love him so much and I cannot seem to tell whether I'm just being plain silly by staying with him or I'm just recognising he really messed up and it was a mistake. I'm trying to see him as a person and not for the crime he committed, but I heard everything he had said to his undercover police officer in the court room and honestly it just makes me feel so sad and keeps replaying in my head and I just keep fighting with myself on what to do. This isn't a black and white situation.
He has a suspended sentence for two years and will be on the sex register for ten years. He has been attending therapy and I've definitely seen improvements with himself and he is genuinely making an effort to be a better person, as his mental health was in an awful place and he said himself he just wasn't ready to be better, but it is like he is a new person after this happening.
I still can't believe I am in this position and the worst of it is, I just can't speak to anyone about it. I do go to therapy but it would just be nice to hear from people who have gone through what I have, as I feel very alone.
Has anyone else had this with their partner who had a porn addiction and this led to other things and how did you cope with the situation?
My heart also goes out to everyone who has had go through this whole awful process. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get through it x
I wish I had come across this forum sooner, but better late than never. It has been a year next month since there was the dreaded knock on the door. It was revealed to me that my partner had a porn addiction and once the videos were not satisfying enough anymore, he moved onto sexual conversations in chay rooms and because of his nihilistic views and his loneliness, he simply just wanted attention, but didn't care who it was from. He was caught with sending indecent pictures of himself and sexual conversations with an undercover officer. This went on for over a two day period.
I have supported him the whole way through this. We did move out of our home and went separately to live with our parents. I have definitely lost myself at times to make sure he is ok. I just love him so much and I cannot seem to tell whether I'm just being plain silly by staying with him or I'm just recognising he really messed up and it was a mistake. I'm trying to see him as a person and not for the crime he committed, but I heard everything he had said to his undercover police officer in the court room and honestly it just makes me feel so sad and keeps replaying in my head and I just keep fighting with myself on what to do. This isn't a black and white situation.
He has a suspended sentence for two years and will be on the sex register for ten years. He has been attending therapy and I've definitely seen improvements with himself and he is genuinely making an effort to be a better person, as his mental health was in an awful place and he said himself he just wasn't ready to be better, but it is like he is a new person after this happening.
I still can't believe I am in this position and the worst of it is, I just can't speak to anyone about it. I do go to therapy but it would just be nice to hear from people who have gone through what I have, as I feel very alone.
Has anyone else had this with their partner who had a porn addiction and this led to other things and how did you cope with the situation?
My heart also goes out to everyone who has had go through this whole awful process. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get through it x
Sadly your story is so familiar to many. No excuses but a pattern that is very common.
I am sure that Hugh Edward's wife & many others ,could have written your words.
I wonder if other countries like France & Holland have these situations in such vast numbers. Porn is a very secretive habit & others will exploit this & imply there is a greater thrill in the next 'click'.Once 'clicked',they are guilty of 'making' iioc.
Men are now beginning to talk about their mental health but are they confronting their use of pornography?
Please use this forum & LFF helpline to share your feelings & questions. It has been a huge help to me,for several years.
I am sure that Hugh Edward's wife & many others ,could have written your words.
I wonder if other countries like France & Holland have these situations in such vast numbers. Porn is a very secretive habit & others will exploit this & imply there is a greater thrill in the next 'click'.Once 'clicked',they are guilty of 'making' iioc.
Men are now beginning to talk about their mental health but are they confronting their use of pornography?
Please use this forum & LFF helpline to share your feelings & questions. It has been a huge help to me,for several years.
This is pretty much the situation I'm in, story sounds almost identical although we're still waiting for sentencing.
I'm the same as you, I love him so much and want to believe in the person I know/ keep telling myself that good people can do bad things and that people shouldn't be defined by the worst part of them but also I am questioning whether I do really know him, and whether I'm just being naive.
it's such a hard and lonely situation.
I'm the same as you, I love him so much and want to believe in the person I know/ keep telling myself that good people can do bad things and that people shouldn't be defined by the worst part of them but also I am questioning whether I do really know him, and whether I'm just being naive.
it's such a hard and lonely situation.
I'm now bitter and cynical but saying it is an addiction sounds like a get out clause - but that is just my opinion.
Looking at large amounts of porn - worse and worse stuff - whilst I was asleep. That disgusted me and if he really loved me he wouldn't be doing such a thing. What did he think of me after watching that stuff??
I deserve better than that.
Looking at large amounts of porn - worse and worse stuff - whilst I was asleep. That disgusted me and if he really loved me he wouldn't be doing such a thing. What did he think of me after watching that stuff??
I deserve better than that.
Anxious girl - he probably disassociated, I think many men do this. Not an excuse, of course, no one should do these things.
I strongly recommend the inform course if you want to gain further understanding of why and also gain support to overcome the trauma inflicted on you as a secondary victim
I strongly recommend the inform course if you want to gain further understanding of why and also gain support to overcome the trauma inflicted on you as a secondary victim
Anxious Girl, I'm also wary of passing everything off as 'addiction', but having grown up with an alocoholic mother my OH's description of his spiralling sexual activities (he denies seeking IIOC, but admits to online sex chat and IRL sexual infidelity) did sound depressingly familar. On the other hand I worry some men, possibly including OH (haven't had the forensics back yet), latch on to the addiction-spiralling-out-of-control angle because its much easier than admitting to having a 'genuine' sexual interest in under-18s. It must take a huge amount of courage to basically say "Yes actually I am a P". I actually have a lot of respect for anyone who owns up to that and seeks help.