Just so tired
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My ex husband and I had a lovely friendship and we co-parented our two children (7&5). We lived next door to each other and this worked really well for the children. I have mental health problems and a very full on job so he had the children about 70% of the time.
On the 8th October he was arrested and has been on remand since then.
I'm finding being a single parent very, very tough. I have no help available to me and I'm starting to realise that the word support is bandied around a lot but actually means nothing.
Im overwhelmed and exhausted... I tried to carry on with my job but was burning myself out so ended up signed off sick by my psychiatrist for 2 weeks which brings my sickness level up to 19.5 days for the year (mostly mental health). I'm now going on to capability at work.
To make matters worse I work for the police (civilian role) and my office is right next to the investigating unit.
I work in a small Island community and it has been all over the media. Some of the parents at school I have noticed are ignoring me and I've today been told of rumours that are just not true (that this all came to light because my son took his clothes off for the school photographer. I know that isnt true because I have checked this didnt happen and also school photograph day was AFTER my ex was arrested).
Social services are doing their assessment and so far have been understanding but no actual help forthcoming.
I honestly dont think I can manage going forward.
On the 8th October he was arrested and has been on remand since then.
I'm finding being a single parent very, very tough. I have no help available to me and I'm starting to realise that the word support is bandied around a lot but actually means nothing.
Im overwhelmed and exhausted... I tried to carry on with my job but was burning myself out so ended up signed off sick by my psychiatrist for 2 weeks which brings my sickness level up to 19.5 days for the year (mostly mental health). I'm now going on to capability at work.
To make matters worse I work for the police (civilian role) and my office is right next to the investigating unit.
I work in a small Island community and it has been all over the media. Some of the parents at school I have noticed are ignoring me and I've today been told of rumours that are just not true (that this all came to light because my son took his clothes off for the school photographer. I know that isnt true because I have checked this didnt happen and also school photograph day was AFTER my ex was arrested).
Social services are doing their assessment and so far have been understanding but no actual help forthcoming.
I honestly dont think I can manage going forward.
I am so sorry you have joined the club nobody asked to or wanted to be in.
I havent really got any words of wisdom apart from you already doing a great job and I want to send you lots of love.
I now wat you mean bout been ignored and rumours tho. It's hard and easier sed than done but try to ignore as much as you can. I am nearly 18 since knock. It hasnt been to court yet and as far as I no hadnt bern over social media. But I do know that it spread like wildfire between everyone gossiping and messaging me. Lots of patents stopped speaking stop speaking to the kids but non actually had the balls to ask me my side. I know things have been sed about me for them not to speak but I havent got the time ir energy for them. Just focus on what you need to not those that are nothing. Take care xx
I havent really got any words of wisdom apart from you already doing a great job and I want to send you lots of love.
I now wat you mean bout been ignored and rumours tho. It's hard and easier sed than done but try to ignore as much as you can. I am nearly 18 since knock. It hasnt been to court yet and as far as I no hadnt bern over social media. But I do know that it spread like wildfire between everyone gossiping and messaging me. Lots of patents stopped speaking stop speaking to the kids but non actually had the balls to ask me my side. I know things have been sed about me for them not to speak but I havent got the time ir energy for them. Just focus on what you need to not those that are nothing. Take care xx
Hi.
I was in a similar situation to you. The knock came i was the main worker he was the main caregiver for my children. It is a massive change to deal with when that heys changed around aswell wirh all the other things going around your head at the same time.
I i too felt that there was not much support for me. And with both my children having additional needs also was even harder to be able to ask for extra support to help with everything. I have struggled on my own for months wirh my kids without little support and have realised now that i am quite literally at breaking point with them. Not because i cant do it but becasue i havent had time to deal with the k ock and everything else that comes with it. Looking afyer yourself and taking time to yourself to process all of this is so ao vital. I would recomend if theres anybody you know to have your children for a few hours or longer to give you some time to yourself. I was unable to do tjis and things all became too much for me. And with social services involved i was scared. Scared they wpuld see me as not coping and decide something drastic. But instead they are working with me and my family. To ensure we all have time to properly deal with whats going on. Its a very difficult situation to be in and even harder when your not use to looking after the kids as much as you have to now. Its another set of challenges you have to face ontop of everhthing else, not to mention its also another big change for the kids.
Im sorry ive rambled on so much i guess the point of it is if tou cant find anyone to support you as much as you need then social services are there to help. Like i said i never wanyed them to know i was struggling etc. But now they do it feels like a massive. Weight off my shoulders. They are there to work with you and the kids safety isnt there only to make sure the kids are safe and okay through this situation and change but also for you.
I hope things start to feel a bit better for you soon sending virtual hugs xx
I was in a similar situation to you. The knock came i was the main worker he was the main caregiver for my children. It is a massive change to deal with when that heys changed around aswell wirh all the other things going around your head at the same time.
I i too felt that there was not much support for me. And with both my children having additional needs also was even harder to be able to ask for extra support to help with everything. I have struggled on my own for months wirh my kids without little support and have realised now that i am quite literally at breaking point with them. Not because i cant do it but becasue i havent had time to deal with the k ock and everything else that comes with it. Looking afyer yourself and taking time to yourself to process all of this is so ao vital. I would recomend if theres anybody you know to have your children for a few hours or longer to give you some time to yourself. I was unable to do tjis and things all became too much for me. And with social services involved i was scared. Scared they wpuld see me as not coping and decide something drastic. But instead they are working with me and my family. To ensure we all have time to properly deal with whats going on. Its a very difficult situation to be in and even harder when your not use to looking after the kids as much as you have to now. Its another set of challenges you have to face ontop of everhthing else, not to mention its also another big change for the kids.
Im sorry ive rambled on so much i guess the point of it is if tou cant find anyone to support you as much as you need then social services are there to help. Like i said i never wanyed them to know i was struggling etc. But now they do it feels like a massive. Weight off my shoulders. They are there to work with you and the kids safety isnt there only to make sure the kids are safe and okay through this situation and change but also for you.
I hope things start to feel a bit better for you soon sending virtual hugs xx
I just wanted to say thanks for the replies. I have read them all several times and they have brought me comfort. I wish I could give you a more detailed reply but I'm just too tired. :( wanted to say thank you though. Xx
I just wanted to say you ARE strong enough. My world fell apart and I didn't think it was possible to continue. But honey hold your head high. You haven't done anything wrong! You have a fabulous job and two fabulous kids. I promise, you can do this. Keep busy and keep your mind occupied. Your kids are looking up to you. Here for you xx