Help as a mother and a partner
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2 yrs ago was a knock on our door. My partner got arrested mobile taken and was told he was suspected of having cat A pics.
now he pleaded guilty because he was told his sentence be lower. We are a low income family and paid for our lawyer. He didn't get a lawyer in his first interview with the police he told the complete truth. Was on Kik to watch porn. Adult porn! He downloaded a file but in that file was this. All these files where deleted back 6 yrs ago.
To make this shorter. This all got in the local paper on local sites spread on fbook. Messages sent to our children snap chat ect. He's lost his job all his friends and mine. My partner is not a P! I never had to question this.
he has never been in trouble with the police nor me and all of this was new to us. We jumped the hoops and answered anything they wanted to know.
people have made there minds up already.
he got no suspended sentence.
100 hours community hours.
£250 fine
sex reg 5 yrs
this was a great out come. But the worst was to happen. We don't feel we can leave our home.
my partner wanted all this to end. Never asked questions that now we feel we have so many.
now he pleaded guilty because he was told his sentence be lower. We are a low income family and paid for our lawyer. He didn't get a lawyer in his first interview with the police he told the complete truth. Was on Kik to watch porn. Adult porn! He downloaded a file but in that file was this. All these files where deleted back 6 yrs ago.
To make this shorter. This all got in the local paper on local sites spread on fbook. Messages sent to our children snap chat ect. He's lost his job all his friends and mine. My partner is not a P! I never had to question this.
he has never been in trouble with the police nor me and all of this was new to us. We jumped the hoops and answered anything they wanted to know.
people have made there minds up already.
he got no suspended sentence.
100 hours community hours.
£250 fine
sex reg 5 yrs
this was a great out come. But the worst was to happen. We don't feel we can leave our home.
my partner wanted all this to end. Never asked questions that now we feel we have so many.
Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so sorry to know you're continuing to go through such a difficult time.
My person is my son and his case was also in the media and on FB etc. He too felt like he couldn't leave the house and even now avoids certain places.
My sons therapist used a CBT tool based on a ladder and this really helped him. Basically he had to start in the bottom rung of the ladder and set himself challenges to achieve. Only when he felt comfortable doing them could he move to the next step of the ladder. He started off with the goal of driving to a supermarket. This was followed by stepping into the store. He then had to walk around the store and eventually he had to purchase something from the store. It doesn't matter how long it takes but only when he felt comfortable with going into a shop and buying something could he move up a rung on the ladder.
If your husband wanted to use this tool he would set his own goals and work towards them. It might be stepping outside of the house and then walking a little way along the road and eventually aiming to be able to go out for an hours walk.
It's not easy but you've both already shown how strong you are. Keep going as life will eventually get easier.
My person is my son and his case was also in the media and on FB etc. He too felt like he couldn't leave the house and even now avoids certain places.
My sons therapist used a CBT tool based on a ladder and this really helped him. Basically he had to start in the bottom rung of the ladder and set himself challenges to achieve. Only when he felt comfortable doing them could he move to the next step of the ladder. He started off with the goal of driving to a supermarket. This was followed by stepping into the store. He then had to walk around the store and eventually he had to purchase something from the store. It doesn't matter how long it takes but only when he felt comfortable with going into a shop and buying something could he move up a rung on the ladder.
If your husband wanted to use this tool he would set his own goals and work towards them. It might be stepping outside of the house and then walking a little way along the road and eventually aiming to be able to go out for an hours walk.
It's not easy but you've both already shown how strong you are. Keep going as life will eventually get easier.
Thank you for the reply x
I didn't make it clear that there was only 1 cat A pic and 19 others.
he is starting to complete his hours and everyone he has met so far has been lovely. Just want to help. I live in a council house and feel moving isn't an option. When the reporter was waking out side to take his picture I pleaded with him to not post this story explaining we have children. I even sent an email to the main puplisher. Still the following day it was there all to see. After this I have read a story with a man with 700 pics.i wounder why we was chosen. And feel live could be getting back to Normal after that horrible knock on the door.
when I drive past People or see people in the shops just can't stop thinking if they know or not.
I wish the story was written better because they only wrote what was found not how and not the time zones. Can't stop over thinking. Thinking how we would do things differently maybe change his name or plead not guilty. We was never told if the pic or video was even watched. We never asked a lot because deep down we thought the less we ask the quicker this will be over. Tbh we feel like we have been walked over. The fbook post was a last thinking she saving all the children in the area from this P! But to be truthful he's kinder than me. He would do anything for anyone. But a quite and private man too.
we have lost no family which is amazing.
no one questioned him. Been together 18/19 years.
I wish I could write my own paper about all of us so people can see the other side. People read the one word and don't think for them selfs. But until they are here sat where I am they will never know the other side. I thought about knocking the doors of the people who commented and explain our story. But I don't think they would even open there ears to even want to understand.
I hate the newspaper!!
I didn't make it clear that there was only 1 cat A pic and 19 others.
he is starting to complete his hours and everyone he has met so far has been lovely. Just want to help. I live in a council house and feel moving isn't an option. When the reporter was waking out side to take his picture I pleaded with him to not post this story explaining we have children. I even sent an email to the main puplisher. Still the following day it was there all to see. After this I have read a story with a man with 700 pics.i wounder why we was chosen. And feel live could be getting back to Normal after that horrible knock on the door.
when I drive past People or see people in the shops just can't stop thinking if they know or not.
I wish the story was written better because they only wrote what was found not how and not the time zones. Can't stop over thinking. Thinking how we would do things differently maybe change his name or plead not guilty. We was never told if the pic or video was even watched. We never asked a lot because deep down we thought the less we ask the quicker this will be over. Tbh we feel like we have been walked over. The fbook post was a last thinking she saving all the children in the area from this P! But to be truthful he's kinder than me. He would do anything for anyone. But a quite and private man too.
we have lost no family which is amazing.
no one questioned him. Been together 18/19 years.
I wish I could write my own paper about all of us so people can see the other side. People read the one word and don't think for them selfs. But until they are here sat where I am they will never know the other side. I thought about knocking the doors of the people who commented and explain our story. But I don't think they would even open there ears to even want to understand.
I hate the newspaper!!
Hi Help, I'm so sorry to know how much you are struggling and completely understand because we've been there. My son was labelled a 'P' in the media. We also asked the media to take it down but they refused.
I now look at it that we've got nothing to hide, our 'secret' is known and there's no fear of one day being found out. We can be our authentic selves and talk about our story if we want to. We've lost a few friends along the way but we've gained new ones and we're able to be up front and honest with the new people who have come into our lives.
We haven't moved away, but we did speak to our immediate neighbours to tell them the details so they know both sides of the story and not just the one sided version printed in the media.
My advise would be to slowly start rebuilding your lives initially as a small family unit. If people choose to blank you in the street let them, it's their own ignorance that prevents them from trying to understand what you're going through. Also be kind to people who need kindness, you'll soon start to see that people will be kind back. There are many good people out there who will see you and partner for the great people you are. These are the people you need around you, not those who walk away because of a biased media article.
I now look at it that we've got nothing to hide, our 'secret' is known and there's no fear of one day being found out. We can be our authentic selves and talk about our story if we want to. We've lost a few friends along the way but we've gained new ones and we're able to be up front and honest with the new people who have come into our lives.
We haven't moved away, but we did speak to our immediate neighbours to tell them the details so they know both sides of the story and not just the one sided version printed in the media.
My advise would be to slowly start rebuilding your lives initially as a small family unit. If people choose to blank you in the street let them, it's their own ignorance that prevents them from trying to understand what you're going through. Also be kind to people who need kindness, you'll soon start to see that people will be kind back. There are many good people out there who will see you and partner for the great people you are. These are the people you need around you, not those who walk away because of a biased media article.
So lovely to hear this.i know now I'm not the only one. My best friend of almost 30yrs was very supportive once it was in the paper that eve we went there and had a bbq. But once the story spreed on fbook. Her friends and family said she can't be my friend as I'm staying with my partner and she could lose her job if she does. She changes totally and all the supporting messages and the care she felt towards me and my family disappeared.
I sent her a last message to say goodbye and I love her. We where the bestest of friends talk every day holidays ect. What people think is a big thing. Maybe your neighbours are of what can I say (higher class) then mine.i don't think I could talk to mine like that.
I sent her a last message to say goodbye and I love her. We where the bestest of friends talk every day holidays ect. What people think is a big thing. Maybe your neighbours are of what can I say (higher class) then mine.i don't think I could talk to mine like that.
You're definately not the only one. I've lost my best friend and my son lost his. It's hard but is something we have no control over. Maybe in time they'll come back to us but if they don't we can only wish them well.
If you don't feel like you can talk to your neighbours then just greet them in the way you've always done and let them respond in the way they will. I try to keep in my mind that I am responsible and accountable for the way I behave towards others but I can't be responsible for the way they behave towards me.
I'm always here if you want to chat.
If you don't feel like you can talk to your neighbours then just greet them in the way you've always done and let them respond in the way they will. I try to keep in my mind that I am responsible and accountable for the way I behave towards others but I can't be responsible for the way they behave towards me.
I'm always here if you want to chat.
Shame you're not my neighbour. your words are very kind. Thank you xx
Hey help 101 I can so hear the anguish you are going through, my oh was also the kik site for adult porn clicked on a link which was just numbers and unearthed 5 images 2 cat a and 3 cat b, deleted immediately and never visited kik again put it to the back of his mind until the knock at the door, he made a no comment interview advised by solicitor and was remanded for weekend for his own safety as he made a threat to take his life, fast forward first visit to solicitor and she advised a not guilty plea and having a private cyber expert check the phone, we went with recommendations took ages for police to release the phone but we got there, it was proven that it was deleted immediately no search history for anything other than adult porn the files were only retrievable by an expert as they were in a cache file, the expert appeared as a witness also at trial for us, sadly he was still found guilty he was given 1 year sor, 1 year supervision and 180 hours community service, we appeared in court around a dozen times and no media then day of trial media were there it went into local paper, I came off all social media immediately I didn't want to know what was being said, I remember the Friday evening so clearly when it all went off family and friends wanted us to leave our house my daughter and I made the decision to stay put we had done nothing wrong and knew the truth of it was never searched for, we lay low for the next few days literally only taking the dog out when all was quiet, it was the worst weekend ever oh made another attempt on his life, we went private for a psychologist who seen him that day and set him on the step ladder she has worked closely with us since the start, we asked to do his community service out our area he got a new job 30 mins away and literally goes to the local shops without thinking don't get me wrong there are still days where he thinks someone looked at him with disgust and still worries how he is perceived, but with his psychologist he has made amazing progress in his wellbeing we went out on Friday as a family to a show and 6 months on since media attention I can honestly say it felt normal.
Going private was our only option as waiting list for nhs was ridiculous I have to say, the lady himself and my daughter sees has been amazing she doesn't even charge for my daughters sessions she has been a blessing to our family.
Going private was our only option as waiting list for nhs was ridiculous I have to say, the lady himself and my daughter sees has been amazing she doesn't even charge for my daughters sessions she has been a blessing to our family.
Sounds sadly the same. This kik app has got a lot of men and women in a lot of trouble. My partner went guilty for the responsibility he felt that it was on his phone.
if it wasn't for the media things would of already been getting better I feel.
i will never forget that day runs around in my head daily. Searching the car shed and all my draws ect.
sadly unless you go throu what we are they have no idea what is happening. Because I never knew!
the reporter put my Family at risk and the death of anyone for this would be down to them
if it wasn't for the media things would of already been getting better I feel.
i will never forget that day runs around in my head daily. Searching the car shed and all my draws ect.
sadly unless you go throu what we are they have no idea what is happening. Because I never knew!
the reporter put my Family at risk and the death of anyone for this would be down to them