Ss - no idea what to expect
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Hi hope everyone is as ok as can be.
Quick recap we are nearly 18months since knock husband charged but no official letter yet with it on or court date. Charged 6weeks ago.
So I emailed as asking if they cud review our case which is currently closed for me to be able to supervise listed all reasons ect. I phoned to update them that he had been charged. She also sed while on phone she will reply to my email. She told me wat our safety plan says which I no as I follow it an sed I'm not to supervise as it says that on safety plan which has been in place since jan. I sed I no but I'm asking if I can now. She told me I was a concern for wanting to stay with my husband which I sed I new an understood. I asked her wat I can do training or courses to change this she sed nothing doesnt matter wat I do it wont change. I came off phone very deflated.
I spoke to help line as i just cudnt understand why there was nothing i cud do ever and that I completed a 1 to 1 grooming course in june july time after the safety plan was put in place but this was not taken into consideration. They sed to write another email stating my confusion.
I sent email this Wednesday got a phone thurs asking why I wouldnt to supervise which i explained an sed about course not been taken i to consideration and she sed she was worried that i was asking again after been told a month ago that it was no and sed she was very concerned about this.
She sed if i wanted she wud pass info on fri morning about opening my case to look into to this i sed yes. I got a phone call on fri afternoon and a sw and a college is coming out on monday afternoon I told my children were still off for half term and she sed it's fine.
I am so worried that I have now done myself no favours by emailing them feel like I cant do right for wrong. Worried a out what they at5e going to come and say or if they say to cut contact. When all this first happened we didnt get or see a social worker for nearly 2 months. Yet now they here within days.
Sorry for such a long post xx
Quick recap we are nearly 18months since knock husband charged but no official letter yet with it on or court date. Charged 6weeks ago.
So I emailed as asking if they cud review our case which is currently closed for me to be able to supervise listed all reasons ect. I phoned to update them that he had been charged. She also sed while on phone she will reply to my email. She told me wat our safety plan says which I no as I follow it an sed I'm not to supervise as it says that on safety plan which has been in place since jan. I sed I no but I'm asking if I can now. She told me I was a concern for wanting to stay with my husband which I sed I new an understood. I asked her wat I can do training or courses to change this she sed nothing doesnt matter wat I do it wont change. I came off phone very deflated.
I spoke to help line as i just cudnt understand why there was nothing i cud do ever and that I completed a 1 to 1 grooming course in june july time after the safety plan was put in place but this was not taken into consideration. They sed to write another email stating my confusion.
I sent email this Wednesday got a phone thurs asking why I wouldnt to supervise which i explained an sed about course not been taken i to consideration and she sed she was worried that i was asking again after been told a month ago that it was no and sed she was very concerned about this.
She sed if i wanted she wud pass info on fri morning about opening my case to look into to this i sed yes. I got a phone call on fri afternoon and a sw and a college is coming out on monday afternoon I told my children were still off for half term and she sed it's fine.
I am so worried that I have now done myself no favours by emailing them feel like I cant do right for wrong. Worried a out what they at5e going to come and say or if they say to cut contact. When all this first happened we didnt get or see a social worker for nearly 2 months. Yet now they here within days.
Sorry for such a long post xx
Hi Stardust
This seems to be a really common theme with SW if you dare to stay with your husband. They can't seen to understand that you can stay with him but also protect your children, bottom line is for 99.9% of women given the choice, man or kids they would choose to put their children first, no arguments but this situation is more complicated than that!!
I think sometimes SW have their own opinions about what the men have done and don't understand that it's very very few men that have an interest in the kids sexually, a lot of the times it's due to the porn addiction.
Have you sorted them up more by emailing, there's no telling, if you hadn't you'd probably be advised of not caring! Just try to explain to them that you were meeting them know of the changes that had taken place and whether that would change anything for you to do!
Good luck for Monday, it's really rubbish, things have been settled for the kids so far I hope they don't change it now!
Thinking about you xx
This seems to be a really common theme with SW if you dare to stay with your husband. They can't seen to understand that you can stay with him but also protect your children, bottom line is for 99.9% of women given the choice, man or kids they would choose to put their children first, no arguments but this situation is more complicated than that!!
I think sometimes SW have their own opinions about what the men have done and don't understand that it's very very few men that have an interest in the kids sexually, a lot of the times it's due to the porn addiction.
Have you sorted them up more by emailing, there's no telling, if you hadn't you'd probably be advised of not caring! Just try to explain to them that you were meeting them know of the changes that had taken place and whether that would change anything for you to do!
Good luck for Monday, it's really rubbish, things have been settled for the kids so far I hope they don't change it now!
Thinking about you xx
Thanks for you reply tracey sorry took so long to update bac.
Well they came the social worker that I have appointed to us didnt say alot were as the lady had quite abit to say for herself. Asking if I was in a relationship, how am I prepare the kids for if he goes to prison. I said I felt I had done the wrong tried to explain why I did an she just said a few times that it does come across bossy an it my not of helped me and that I am a concern.
Sw called to arrange another meeting for us without kids been here an asked if you could speak to husband an have is number which I gave. She phone him and arrange to meet him same day. She was with him about an hr an half asked lots of question also asked if she cud speak to his solicitor which i thought was a strange request but he sed it was fine. He told her he wants to work with an will do any courses she sed she will look into it.
Wen she came to see me again she was here just over an hr an came by herself she was blunt says it how it is which is better. She kept coming bac to wat is my breaking point wat will make me say enough no more I tried to say it might not be anything in time I might just say no more but you dont no wat the future holds an other stuff. But she kept coming bac to it an that it was a concern for her.
She is going to see the kids while they st school then is going to arrange a meeting with me school health, an the people that supervise xx
Well they came the social worker that I have appointed to us didnt say alot were as the lady had quite abit to say for herself. Asking if I was in a relationship, how am I prepare the kids for if he goes to prison. I said I felt I had done the wrong tried to explain why I did an she just said a few times that it does come across bossy an it my not of helped me and that I am a concern.
Sw called to arrange another meeting for us without kids been here an asked if you could speak to husband an have is number which I gave. She phone him and arrange to meet him same day. She was with him about an hr an half asked lots of question also asked if she cud speak to his solicitor which i thought was a strange request but he sed it was fine. He told her he wants to work with an will do any courses she sed she will look into it.
Wen she came to see me again she was here just over an hr an came by herself she was blunt says it how it is which is better. She kept coming bac to wat is my breaking point wat will make me say enough no more I tried to say it might not be anything in time I might just say no more but you dont no wat the future holds an other stuff. But she kept coming bac to it an that it was a concern for her.
She is going to see the kids while they st school then is going to arrange a meeting with me school health, an the people that supervise xx
Stardust, the way I worked round social work was to remember they are not my friend. They will always think the worst of you and you must prove you are protective. It's horrible but you just need to dance to their tune until they realise that you are putting your children first. My first social worker was awful, she would tell me how no one stayed with their partner after this, that those looking at images would go on to contact offences. All nonsense. Don't let them get to you, it's not forever. Until sentencing things will be difficult, after then you can work on a plan with social work to get supervision tailored to your needs. X
Oh SallyBlue how did you answer when they said that to you?
does your husband still have to be supervised?
does your husband still have to be supervised?
Hi sallyblue,
How are things going with ss? Is your partner living at home? Is it supervised access?
My kids are desperate to do normal things with their dad again.
How are things going with ss? Is your partner living at home? Is it supervised access?
My kids are desperate to do normal things with their dad again.
I was shocked when she told me that MG. I spoke to the helpline after and was told it was utter rubbish. Sex offenders have the lowest rate of reoffending, there of course are exceptions to that rule.
It took is over 4 years to get unsupervised access. In Scotland we have to go to a childrens panel who are independent to social work. They decide what has to be done. Some are nice, some not so much. We were fortunate at the review we had nice ones who saw my husband had fully co operated with agencies and had been low risk for years. They were happy for him to have unsupervised access.
We all moved in together a few months ago stardust. There is no social work involvement now. Our case is closed. There are no restrictions except those implemented by the register. We live pretty normally now. It did take a while though x
It took is over 4 years to get unsupervised access. In Scotland we have to go to a childrens panel who are independent to social work. They decide what has to be done. Some are nice, some not so much. We were fortunate at the review we had nice ones who saw my husband had fully co operated with agencies and had been low risk for years. They were happy for him to have unsupervised access.
We all moved in together a few months ago stardust. There is no social work involvement now. Our case is closed. There are no restrictions except those implemented by the register. We live pretty normally now. It did take a while though x