What to do? Help!
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Hi everyone,
I have been with a man who is currently STILL undergoing court proceedings for IIOC and inciting girls ages 11-17. There are around 14 images and conversations on Snapchat which have been recovered from a hidden folder on his phone. He was first arrested in Oct 19, and after significant postponements due to CPS 'not being ready' with their evidence, the new court date is now around 4 weeks away.
I knew about the arrest during the early stages, but has he was released on bail with no conditions, and his mum was supervising contact with his own daughter, I assumed our position would be the same. My two girls are 9 and 11.
He still denies all charges, stating he doesn't know how this has happened. He has multiple areas of defence, one, working with a colleague that used his information online via a hacking site.
To cut a long story short, SS have only just been informed he is in a relationship with me, and now they have said he is to have no contact with my children at all due to their ages. We are now having to have a CIN assessment plan carried out. With his date being only around 4 weeks away, this court date is likely to be over and done with before the assessment even takes place.
I am currently very stressed and worried about the situation as a whole. I'm scared that SS are going to view me as not being a 'protective mother' even though he's always been supervised around my girls, as we had no idea he wouldn't be allowed with his mum supervising contact of his own child.
I want to continue with the relationship, as he is literally the best partner I have ever had - he's consistently supportive and has never done anything wrong, as far as I can tell, while we have been together. I have had access to all his devices, I have been to all the hearings and read everything I need to see, he has never kept anything from me and kept me fully informed about any changes/conversations/texts from solicitors etc if I haven't had the opportunity to be present (for example, not allowed to be here he sometimes has to answer while at his mums house).
All I keep reading online is about people and their partners who have admitted to wrong-doing - he has stuck this out for the last 5 years and still sticks to what he's said, even though everyone has tried to drag him down and make him feel afraid (CPS offering a deal if he changes his plea, SS involvement with his one 3YO daughter etc).
I want to stay, but I'm scared about how I might be portrayed. What if they throw it out or he's found NOT guilty - they still need to do an assessment plan. Are we ever going to be allowed to do anything together?! Am I just better to leave now and avoid all the other stuff still to come?
It will devastate us both, I can't imagine trying to look into another relationship after this.
Thank you for reading.
I have been with a man who is currently STILL undergoing court proceedings for IIOC and inciting girls ages 11-17. There are around 14 images and conversations on Snapchat which have been recovered from a hidden folder on his phone. He was first arrested in Oct 19, and after significant postponements due to CPS 'not being ready' with their evidence, the new court date is now around 4 weeks away.
I knew about the arrest during the early stages, but has he was released on bail with no conditions, and his mum was supervising contact with his own daughter, I assumed our position would be the same. My two girls are 9 and 11.
He still denies all charges, stating he doesn't know how this has happened. He has multiple areas of defence, one, working with a colleague that used his information online via a hacking site.
To cut a long story short, SS have only just been informed he is in a relationship with me, and now they have said he is to have no contact with my children at all due to their ages. We are now having to have a CIN assessment plan carried out. With his date being only around 4 weeks away, this court date is likely to be over and done with before the assessment even takes place.
I am currently very stressed and worried about the situation as a whole. I'm scared that SS are going to view me as not being a 'protective mother' even though he's always been supervised around my girls, as we had no idea he wouldn't be allowed with his mum supervising contact of his own child.
I want to continue with the relationship, as he is literally the best partner I have ever had - he's consistently supportive and has never done anything wrong, as far as I can tell, while we have been together. I have had access to all his devices, I have been to all the hearings and read everything I need to see, he has never kept anything from me and kept me fully informed about any changes/conversations/texts from solicitors etc if I haven't had the opportunity to be present (for example, not allowed to be here he sometimes has to answer while at his mums house).
All I keep reading online is about people and their partners who have admitted to wrong-doing - he has stuck this out for the last 5 years and still sticks to what he's said, even though everyone has tried to drag him down and make him feel afraid (CPS offering a deal if he changes his plea, SS involvement with his one 3YO daughter etc).
I want to stay, but I'm scared about how I might be portrayed. What if they throw it out or he's found NOT guilty - they still need to do an assessment plan. Are we ever going to be allowed to do anything together?! Am I just better to leave now and avoid all the other stuff still to come?
It will devastate us both, I can't imagine trying to look into another relationship after this.
Thank you for reading.
Hi, I am sorry you have found yourself in this awful place but you've done the right thing in reaching out. I didn't want to read your post and just scroll on past but I also don't have much I can say to help you as I'm here because of my son so my experience of SS will be different to yours.
I'm sure there are people on here who can help you but you might want to consider reposting your post in the discussion topic as that's where most people tend to read.
I'm sure there are people on here who can help you but you might want to consider reposting your post in the discussion topic as that's where most people tend to read.
I am so sorry Ocean...
Sadly different authorities manage things in different ways, and for different families too. I am finding this exact thing.
I have been open and honest the whole way through, keeping them in the loop. He has unsupervised access with his kids and lived with his niece who was under 18 at the time, but we are not allowed unsupervised at all. I have his risk assessment which states Low Risk, and been found to be a protective parent with a really robust safety plan in place yet they think I have been lying over the years (they said I didnt tell SS I was allowing contact which I had and have the email to prove that, and that we have been in a sexual relationship which we haven't because I was trying to make sure I had evidence he had told me the truth and I was found to be protective before we commited). Ayway, we are in the situation and there will be a horrible time ahead inlcudig disclosure to my daughters father which wont go well.
I have been open and honest the whole way through, keeping them in the loop. He has unsupervised access with his kids and lived with his niece who was under 18 at the time, but we are not allowed unsupervised at all. I have his risk assessment which states Low Risk, and been found to be a protective parent with a really robust safety plan in place yet they think I have been lying over the years (they said I didnt tell SS I was allowing contact which I had and have the email to prove that, and that we have been in a sexual relationship which we haven't because I was trying to make sure I had evidence he had told me the truth and I was found to be protective before we commited). Ayway, we are in the situation and there will be a horrible time ahead inlcudig disclosure to my daughters father which wont go well.