Bad week...
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I have been having a bad week. My OH had a meeting at the police station on Monday with one of the officers who came to our house last week. I went to the police station with him and was expecting to be sitting outside while he went in, but I was allowed in with him. In a way I'm glad I went with him as he probably wouldn't tell me everything or he would forget what was said as he seems to be getting forgetful this days. Since Monday he has been feeling low. One thing he told the police officer was that, following what the judge has said, if he doesn't admit that he's attracted to children to probation, then he will go to jail. To avoid going to jail, he has basically got to lie in court. I've told him he needs to be cooperative with probation and the police as the people that matter (me and our daughters) know the truth.
Also, we've been having problems with our youngest daughter. She always seems grumpy later and when she's at home, she doesn't want to be here; she wants to be at her boyfriend's. She fell out with me the other day and wouldn't talk to me, just because I shouted at her. Everything is getting on top of me and when I ask her to do something, she always as an excuse why she can't. I don't mind her going to her boyfriend's but she can be in a better mood and nicer to us when she is at home.
Also, we've been having problems with our youngest daughter. She always seems grumpy later and when she's at home, she doesn't want to be here; she wants to be at her boyfriend's. She fell out with me the other day and wouldn't talk to me, just because I shouted at her. Everything is getting on top of me and when I ask her to do something, she always as an excuse why she can't. I don't mind her going to her boyfriend's but she can be in a better mood and nicer to us when she is at home.
Hi,
just wanted to send you lots of love. Who knew that the terrible twos were nothing compared to this late teen/early adult stage?
Inbox always open if you need to vent xxx
just wanted to send you lots of love. Who knew that the terrible twos were nothing compared to this late teen/early adult stage?
Inbox always open if you need to vent xxx
I would be wary of any advice given by the police. Check this with lawyer before saying anything.
Sorry about the teenager; take solace in the fact she's behaving very normally!
huge hugs to you
xx
Sorry about the teenager; take solace in the fact she's behaving very normally!
huge hugs to you
xx
As regards teenagers I remember being one myself I thought my parents were just a pain - then having two teenage kids at one time - now I witness my grandson entering this stage.
It's all normal - frustrating and tiring for you as you struggle to keep your head above water in this horrible journey, so an extra hug for you Dawn.......
Good news is, it's a phase and further down the line she will learn to love and cherish her mum - she'll be ringing you every day for a chat and no doubt advice, you'll be her best pal........
It's all normal - frustrating and tiring for you as you struggle to keep your head above water in this horrible journey, so an extra hug for you Dawn.......
Good news is, it's a phase and further down the line she will learn to love and cherish her mum - she'll be ringing you every day for a chat and no doubt advice, you'll be her best pal........
I was going to comment on the teenager aspect too...from my own experience, when things aren't feeling settled at home, it can be that the child would feel safer and more settled at at a friends/boyfriends, particulaly if their boyfriends home isnt dealing with big family issues like you are. Teenagers are going through so much themselves, that turmoil, worry, watching you struggle etc is actually really tough on them, and wanting to hide from that is normal.
I wonder if having that type of chat with her might be helpful. Recognise that this might be the case why she wants to be there and not with you, you understand the reasons, you love her whatever, and maybe she gets some space which you respect and support, and you two can meet up once/twice a week and got for a walk, do an activity or out for dinner/coffee together just the two of you, for a catch up, no pressure chat. And ask her if there is anthing you can do for her to make her feel better at home.
p.s. been there by the way. Teens can be utter selfish, moody, unpredictable horrors until at least 25!
I wonder if having that type of chat with her might be helpful. Recognise that this might be the case why she wants to be there and not with you, you understand the reasons, you love her whatever, and maybe she gets some space which you respect and support, and you two can meet up once/twice a week and got for a walk, do an activity or out for dinner/coffee together just the two of you, for a catch up, no pressure chat. And ask her if there is anthing you can do for her to make her feel better at home.
p.s. been there by the way. Teens can be utter selfish, moody, unpredictable horrors until at least 25!
I should be used to dealing with teenagers as we went through it with our eldest daughter who is now 19. She was always wanting to be at her boyfriend's, which all happened before the knock and she actually moved out a couple of months before to live with her boyfriend and his family, so we didn't have the added pressure of having this hanging over us. I wanted to give her independence but, as she is our first born, my OH had trouble letting her go. Now our eldest has a daughter herself, we have close relationship. I know it will pass but it's difficult going through it all again.
K4, our solicitor is useless. We haven't heard from them since crown court 3 weeks ago and trying to get my OH to contact them is a battle in itself.
K4, our solicitor is useless. We haven't heard from them since crown court 3 weeks ago and trying to get my OH to contact them is a battle in itself.
Dawn I am trying to understand what you meant in your original post. Are you saying that your person has been told to admit to a sexual interest in children in order to avoid jail? And that he does not in fact have any such interest?
If that is what he has been told I strongly feel he should not lie in court. This is not something he could easily walk back from, and such an admission could be used against him in future. He can show remorse in court without making such an admission, simply by being honest about how he got into the situation in the first place.
My person insisted he was innocent and entered a not guilty plea from the start. I supported him in this because if he believed he was not guilty and that he could offer a defence then I didn't feel he should plead guilty. He initially was unsure as he had been advised that pleading guilty would reduce the severity of the sentence, that his defence would be difficult to prove and that it was possible a jury would find him guilty. It was a long hard struggle involving independent forensic but in the end his case was dropped by the crown. Don't let your person be bullied into saying or admitting to something that isn't true.
If that is what he has been told I strongly feel he should not lie in court. This is not something he could easily walk back from, and such an admission could be used against him in future. He can show remorse in court without making such an admission, simply by being honest about how he got into the situation in the first place.
My person insisted he was innocent and entered a not guilty plea from the start. I supported him in this because if he believed he was not guilty and that he could offer a defence then I didn't feel he should plead guilty. He initially was unsure as he had been advised that pleading guilty would reduce the severity of the sentence, that his defence would be difficult to prove and that it was possible a jury would find him guilty. It was a long hard struggle involving independent forensic but in the end his case was dropped by the crown. Don't let your person be bullied into saying or admitting to something that isn't true.
If his not attracted then do not say he is , he will definitely get a prison sentence and the press will have a field day. I have never saw this advice given in the 3/4 years of being on here
When he went to magistrates, the first solicitor advised him to plead not guilty and then once he pleaded not guilty at crown court, they will do their own forensic searches on his computer. He had a different solicitor though at crown (but from the same firm), and he pleaded not guilty but the judge told his solicitor and barrister to advise my OH to admit to possessing the images and as part of his sentencing, he will send him on a training course. The solicitor was useless and actually said to him that if he had done what my OH, his wife would have left him. And he actually said that they will tell the judge that he was 'curious'. The solicitor obviously had him already guilty. My OH did not go looking for iioc. He was downloading a lot of what he thought was adult porn and didn't know what was in there. I know that isn't a defense but he doesn't all this. Only when he went back into court and pleaded guilty, that's when the judge told him that when he spoke to probation that he is attracted to children. He didn't use the 'p' word but certainly implied it. If he knew what pleaded guilty would mean, he would have stuck to not guilty. It's all a mess and now that he has pleaded guilty, we don't know how we can change it.
Dawn
What a mess indeed.
I do feel that there is a lack of impartiality in some in the legal profession when it comes to these crimes. If they can't keep an open mind then they shouldn't take the case, but instead hand it over to someone who can. My person's solicitor seemed to have an open mind, although I felt he flipped flopped a bit, probably because the police forensics report was very biased and contained only the incriminating evidence and none of the evidence backing up my person's side of events - so a failure to disclose which has be a feature in the post office cases. Ultimately an independent forensics expert backed up my person's case, but it took time and was costly. But his solicitor said he had spoken to solicitor colleagues about the case and been shocked to hear them say they usually advised their clients to plead guilty because they thought there was no defence, when in fact there is. (although it is very hard to prove : that you did not and could not have known the images were there. But if no searches and no evidence of viewing then it can be done)
Is it possible to change your legal representation? You could also complain about your solicitor - I believe you can complain to the law society. But yes, pleading guilty to something when you are not, or admitting to something you have not done, is a very dangerous game and hard to reverse.
What a mess indeed.
I do feel that there is a lack of impartiality in some in the legal profession when it comes to these crimes. If they can't keep an open mind then they shouldn't take the case, but instead hand it over to someone who can. My person's solicitor seemed to have an open mind, although I felt he flipped flopped a bit, probably because the police forensics report was very biased and contained only the incriminating evidence and none of the evidence backing up my person's side of events - so a failure to disclose which has be a feature in the post office cases. Ultimately an independent forensics expert backed up my person's case, but it took time and was costly. But his solicitor said he had spoken to solicitor colleagues about the case and been shocked to hear them say they usually advised their clients to plead guilty because they thought there was no defence, when in fact there is. (although it is very hard to prove : that you did not and could not have known the images were there. But if no searches and no evidence of viewing then it can be done)
Is it possible to change your legal representation? You could also complain about your solicitor - I believe you can complain to the law society. But yes, pleading guilty to something when you are not, or admitting to something you have not done, is a very dangerous game and hard to reverse.
The solicitor he had at magistrates seemed to have an open mind and said if he's not guilty to plead not guilty. I wish he had been at crown court instead of this other one. When we went back into court , this solicitor had disappeared. In fact we didn't see him at all afterwards so he didn't say my oh had to register with the police within 3 days, so has a result he received a warning from the police. I keep trying to get my oh to contact the solicitors and try to talk to the first one, especially to outline everything that has happened since crown court but he doesn't want to rock the boat. From talking to him today. I think, when he speaks to probation, he is going to tell them that he is not attracted to children, because as you say, he shouldn't admit to something that is not true. He has been honest with the police and the solicitors all the way and this is where it has landed him.
Than you for your advice.
Than you for your advice.