It’s over… TW discussion of suicide attempts / ideation
Notifications OFF
So for us, it's over.
We waited just over a year, had 4 OIC during that time, numerous f ups, apparent wrong passwords given (which I've since learnt is a common delay tactic!), wrongly told NFA, which was then withdrawn.
The 3rd OIC made numerous mistakes which lengthened the investigation including telling us the case would be NFA and that the device they couldn't get into would take 8 years to gain access to, completing paper work wrong, other lies, and just a generally disgusting attitude, including repeatedly asking to visit my son / get us to come into the station (which I politely declined unless it was for a 2nd interview.)
These delays, f ups and threats, almost cost my now 15 year old son his life. He's attempted multiple times this year and is now on a child protection. Towards the end of the investigation I also made plans to end my own life. I was totally overwhelmed and saw no way out. I still feel very much on the edge, and in the midst of trying to keep my son alive, I've neglected myself, as so many of us do on here whilst trying to stay strong for our loved ones.
My sons social worker, Camhs and his solicitor repeatedly told police that prolonging the case would be detrimental to us both and end in either hospitalisation or suicide - this fell on deaf ears, the police knowingly and willingly turned a blind eye at attempts to safeguard us in favour of 'justice for the victim' (I believe in justice, don't get me wrong, but it must be proportional!!)
Before making attempts I wanted to make sure I had the police's failings clearly documented. I made a long formal complaint detailing where things have gone wrong. I asked for it to be sent to the IOPC due to the nature of the complaint however my local police force refused this and took it on themselves. I explained to the Sargent who called me that it was mainly to have all angles covered in the event of an inquest / family taking legal action in the event of our deaths - but it worked. Things moved very quickly. I didn't expect it, and I had been doing this in preparation for the worse. But it worked. They listened and took action to rectify the wrongdoings.
My sons case was prioritised to be dealt with and they stuck to their word. Within a few days everything was done and dusted and the case was over. Formal paperwork signed and belongings returned (other than the item they couldn't access - which I agreed to be destroyed.)
I'm not sure how I feel right now. A total mix of everything. Happy, sad, confused, hoping to god this never happens again but also thinking it could knowing my sons vulnerability. Mostly just tired. Tired and burnt out.
I hope to make the most of this police complaint for other future suspects, who's families and friends I've gained a new found respect, empathy and sadness for. I hope no one ever has to feel alone in this bleak and miserable journey, no suspect or their family. It's a weird club to be part of, but I feel part of it now, and I feel very blessed to have found this judgement free forum and have been supported by such wonderful humans who just 'got it' at one of the worst points in my life. Thank you all for sharing your stories and helping me feel less alone. You are all incredibly strong, amazing human beings.
Sending you all that are going through this hell still all the love and strength in the world. I never thought I'd see this day, but I'm here. You'll get there too. X
We waited just over a year, had 4 OIC during that time, numerous f ups, apparent wrong passwords given (which I've since learnt is a common delay tactic!), wrongly told NFA, which was then withdrawn.
The 3rd OIC made numerous mistakes which lengthened the investigation including telling us the case would be NFA and that the device they couldn't get into would take 8 years to gain access to, completing paper work wrong, other lies, and just a generally disgusting attitude, including repeatedly asking to visit my son / get us to come into the station (which I politely declined unless it was for a 2nd interview.)
These delays, f ups and threats, almost cost my now 15 year old son his life. He's attempted multiple times this year and is now on a child protection. Towards the end of the investigation I also made plans to end my own life. I was totally overwhelmed and saw no way out. I still feel very much on the edge, and in the midst of trying to keep my son alive, I've neglected myself, as so many of us do on here whilst trying to stay strong for our loved ones.
My sons social worker, Camhs and his solicitor repeatedly told police that prolonging the case would be detrimental to us both and end in either hospitalisation or suicide - this fell on deaf ears, the police knowingly and willingly turned a blind eye at attempts to safeguard us in favour of 'justice for the victim' (I believe in justice, don't get me wrong, but it must be proportional!!)
Before making attempts I wanted to make sure I had the police's failings clearly documented. I made a long formal complaint detailing where things have gone wrong. I asked for it to be sent to the IOPC due to the nature of the complaint however my local police force refused this and took it on themselves. I explained to the Sargent who called me that it was mainly to have all angles covered in the event of an inquest / family taking legal action in the event of our deaths - but it worked. Things moved very quickly. I didn't expect it, and I had been doing this in preparation for the worse. But it worked. They listened and took action to rectify the wrongdoings.
My sons case was prioritised to be dealt with and they stuck to their word. Within a few days everything was done and dusted and the case was over. Formal paperwork signed and belongings returned (other than the item they couldn't access - which I agreed to be destroyed.)
I'm not sure how I feel right now. A total mix of everything. Happy, sad, confused, hoping to god this never happens again but also thinking it could knowing my sons vulnerability. Mostly just tired. Tired and burnt out.
I hope to make the most of this police complaint for other future suspects, who's families and friends I've gained a new found respect, empathy and sadness for. I hope no one ever has to feel alone in this bleak and miserable journey, no suspect or their family. It's a weird club to be part of, but I feel part of it now, and I feel very blessed to have found this judgement free forum and have been supported by such wonderful humans who just 'got it' at one of the worst points in my life. Thank you all for sharing your stories and helping me feel less alone. You are all incredibly strong, amazing human beings.
Sending you all that are going through this hell still all the love and strength in the world. I never thought I'd see this day, but I'm here. You'll get there too. X
I am so pleased for you Sunshine5 that it's over and a good outcome for you both. You've both been through so much. Sending hugs xx
Bless you - you've voiced situations and emotions I'm sure we've all been through on here. Sending my very best wishes to you and your loved ones x