Family and Friends Forum

It really is a worry. We are still at the investigation stage but I also fear the worse outcome. From what I've read it is very much luck of the draw. My best friends brother is a police officer and even he has said it can even come down to the mood of the judge on the day which doesn't seem right but it happens.

Hi Lisa, I completely understand your need for information but think there are so many variables to each case that it makes predicting an outcome near on impossible. For example, the age of the child and the victim impact are taken into consideration but you may not know the degree of harm until sentencing.

My son was told to prepare for custodial as it was a real possibility. He went to court with his prison bag packed, and was very fortunate to receive a 2 year suspended sentence which I believe was down to the fact there was no victim impact statement, the overcrowding of the prisons, his pre sentence report, the fact he had fully admitted his guilt during his arrest, the fact he had completed the LFF course and modules and down to the judge he had on the day.

Hi, my ex partner first offence got 28 month custodial sentence, under 20 images viewed and distributed in chats online . He also communicated with a 14 year old in sexual chat. It was unexpected the sentence as all the way through the officer in charge and solicitor thought he would get suspended sentence but the judge was harsh I feel. I've known peoples charges being worse in the group and they got suspended sentences so you just never know on the day what the judge will decide. I wish you well and hope for the best possible outcome. X

I decided to leave when I got the knock, I couldn't trust him and lost all respect for him for what he had done and what he had put us through. I think it's hard not to worry about the outcome of sentencing I worried for nearly 2 year being in limbo as to what would happen. It's been so hard as I am now a single parent having to financially support myself and my children we used to be such a happy family until the knock, but I try my best to move forward now with my life and try and accept u can't turn back the clocks on what has been done. Sending strength to you through this journey no one wants to be on. X

Ginluver

That must have been so hard. Thank you for sharing. Can I ask whether you have any help/support or advice on how to help the children/what to tell them? That is my biggest worry. My child has a very close bond with their father, until the knock (especially with Covid etc) they never went a day without spending time together. I'm very worried about the effect on them. It's going to absolutely destroy them, and like everything else the job of breaking the bad news and handing all the fall out is going to be down to me......equally I don't want to worry them about something that might not happen. I want to save them from any unnecessary hurt or trauma if I can avoid it and "daddy might have to go to jail" is certainly going to do that.

Hi holding the grenade, I didn't tell mine daddy could go to prison but I then told them when he did as felt I had too as I couldn't lie why he had suddenly vanished and couldn't see them anymore, they have only just recently started having phone contact with dad after 4 months of him being sent to prison due to assessment by social services and prison service having to be done been very difficult them keep asking when they can speak to dad. When he was arrested they were told dad had done something wrong and had broke internet safety rules they were upset when we were no longer living together but they adapted to just seeing him on a Sunday at there grandparents house. Sometimes I feel why has this happened to us and feel really mad but trying not to let the anger ruin my life and just get on with mine and the kids life as best as I can and I am now used to being on my own this is my new normal that I am a single parent now. Sending strength through this extremely difficult time. X

Hi, my ex was remanded for about a month. Then sentenced to 3 years inside, first offence. He was convicted of possessing, making images of all grades. Most were grade C, some grade B and about 7 grade A. He had a Legal Aid solicitor who was useless and the Barrister was too. He literally got five minutes with him before he went before the judge. He served 18 months and is on the SOR indefinitely. He had 18 months of probation after leaving prison. Housing was my biggest stress because he couldn't come back and live with me and his family refused to help him. In the end he was housed by a charity who housed extreme criminals. It turned into a nightmare because the other criminals googled him and kicked him out. All the very best to you. PS, he started out in a prison 20 minutes away but then got moved (we don't get informed), about two hours away. You don't get to know where they are sent until they get their "prisoner number" which means they can set up an account whereby they can buy stamps so they can write to you to let you know. X

@LittleRobin3

It seems a bit harsh for only possession / making charge to get 3 years. Can I ask if there were any distribution / communication charges?

From the research I've done, I've not seen a case where one gets a straight custodial for a first offence of possession. Was it a guilty plea?

Nightmare scenario,

No communication, no actual contact, plead guilty as soon as he was arrested.

He was sharing images on Instagram.

It's true that a suspended sentence or community order is more likely for a first offence, but that's not a guarantee that a custodial won't happen.

Some judges want to make examples of our people and are incredibly harsh.

Hpl111, it did indeed seem very harsh, however, the vast majority of the public are staggered that all of these cases don't end up with a custodial sentence. What really does my head in is that the 18 months he spent inside did absolutely nothing for him because he's reoffended. It affected me and my children way more. There's nothing offered in prison unless you can't read or write but my ex has a first class degree however, he did do a horticultural course while languishing at the King's pleasure!

Hi, the best thing you can do is understand that you are in a marathon, not a sprint. It's highly likely it'll plod on for months and months or even years, like it has in our case. There's literally NOTHING you can do to change that. There's also very little that can be done to influence the Judge on sentencing. I wrote to the Judge describing my husband, the sort of Father he was. I explained that we'd raised 4 children including one who was disabled and the fact that he was my full time carer and that I didn't have anyone else who could help me if he was sent to prison. The Judge read it and even commented on how well written and compassionate it was, considering. It made no difference whatsoever. I'm the absolute worst at tying myself up in knots and trying to second guess everything but it really is a waste of energy and headspace. I guess the other thing id say is that although what you and I are going through is enormous with huge ramifications, this is only one element of our loved one. Yes, it's defining them right now and although it's hard, I try to remind myself that my ex has many other really wonderful qualities. Lots of love. X