Prison sentence
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Anyone out there with offender serving more than four years? How do you continue?
Sheer strength and resilience.
We're not at that point yet, keep strong and hold your head high.
xx
xx
Mine didn't server 4 years, he did 20 months inside. I'd say to try not to fight it, acceptance is key. At the beginning it is hard, I worried lots and wanted to do everything I could to make his stay as comfortable as I could. Things settle down, you find your rhythm and a way to make it work. I had a constant battles with setting my own boundaries thinking I could do more and in the end I probably did too much and burnt out.
You will worry, you'll be frustrated with the system but it does get easier. I was fortunate to have a could of supportive ears that would listen and I met a couple of people on visits that I built, I guess, a kind of friendship. And of course this forum was a grear place to offload.
For me, it really was a case of accepting it. We were both quite creative at ways we could stay feeling connected - Calls, video call, writing letters, emails, sending in photos, cards etc. I'm very fortunate that my partner asked for very little and he was proactive, which I think is needed to maintain some semblance of your former self. He built a routine and stuck to it, he took every opportunity to get out if the cell, gym, chapel, work and additional work prison officers needed. He studied, utilised the library, found hobbies he could do in his cell. But resilience and perseverance is needed, whilst this should be available, they are not always easy.
I promise it does get easier.
You will worry, you'll be frustrated with the system but it does get easier. I was fortunate to have a could of supportive ears that would listen and I met a couple of people on visits that I built, I guess, a kind of friendship. And of course this forum was a grear place to offload.
For me, it really was a case of accepting it. We were both quite creative at ways we could stay feeling connected - Calls, video call, writing letters, emails, sending in photos, cards etc. I'm very fortunate that my partner asked for very little and he was proactive, which I think is needed to maintain some semblance of your former self. He built a routine and stuck to it, he took every opportunity to get out if the cell, gym, chapel, work and additional work prison officers needed. He studied, utilised the library, found hobbies he could do in his cell. But resilience and perseverance is needed, whilst this should be available, they are not always easy.
I promise it does get easier.
Excellent post SAL - I recently asked my son what were his feelings as he woke up each day in prison. He said the worst thing you can do is feel down as that will only drag you down.
He said albeit in a shared cell he is surrounded by his things, his hobbies & books, letters & photos, PlayStation etc. He goes to work and visits the library. Hopefully get on a treatment course soon.
Like you say, it's horrible at first and frightening but things settle.
one thing that I did find alarming is he mentioned a lot of the guys said they preferred to serve their full sentence in prison, rather than face the outside on parole, which I found quite alarming.
He said albeit in a shared cell he is surrounded by his things, his hobbies & books, letters & photos, PlayStation etc. He goes to work and visits the library. Hopefully get on a treatment course soon.
Like you say, it's horrible at first and frightening but things settle.
one thing that I did find alarming is he mentioned a lot of the guys said they preferred to serve their full sentence in prison, rather than face the outside on parole, which I found quite alarming.
EPB, I'm really worried about this. My ex got 3 years in prison for a first offence. He's done it again and at the moment it's with the CPS. I'm really worried he's going to get 4+ years this time because he's done it before but I don't know. I've read that if they get 4+ years, they have to serve 2/3rds rather than the usual half. There's a heck of a difference between 18 months and 36! X