Just had the knock
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My dad had the knock yesterday. The police took his devices but didn't give much more information on what they suspected etc. He wasn't arrested but it seems like the only reason given for this is his age and health conditions.
I'm so confused at the moment and I don't know what to think. I did go to see my dad and he looked completely ashamed of himself but I couldn't really get a straight answer as to why he's done what he's done. He told me that it's been going on for around 18 months and that the only reason he could give is that it was "just there" and it was the thought of the "unatainable". This makes no sense to me and I fear it never will.
I'm worrying about a variety of different scenarios now from others finding out to how this is all going to pan out in the future. A main concern is if he will go to prison and how other family members will react. Will I be cast out if I choose to stay in touch and others don't for example?
I've found it useful reading other threads on this forum so thought it would be useful to get my thoughts out there as well.
I'm so confused at the moment and I don't know what to think. I did go to see my dad and he looked completely ashamed of himself but I couldn't really get a straight answer as to why he's done what he's done. He told me that it's been going on for around 18 months and that the only reason he could give is that it was "just there" and it was the thought of the "unatainable". This makes no sense to me and I fear it never will.
I'm worrying about a variety of different scenarios now from others finding out to how this is all going to pan out in the future. A main concern is if he will go to prison and how other family members will react. Will I be cast out if I choose to stay in touch and others don't for example?
I've found it useful reading other threads on this forum so thought it would be useful to get my thoughts out there as well.
Hi, my person is also my dad so i can relate to exactly how youre feeling. He got arrested at the beginning of this year, were now awaiting sentencing. The days do get easier, i was in complete shock for the first few weeks i couldnt eat or sleep. My main fear was people finding out, only me and my siblings know whats happened but we're growing more anxious as court approaches to find out if media will report but so far weve managed to keep it to ourselves. Take it one day at a time and remember theres no right or wrong with how you handle things x
KTP
welcome to the club nobody wants to be in. Have you rang the helpline or looked at any of the support websites about what happens next? Usually the police leave the family and the person with an information letter. It's really important to take care of yourself first I'd highly recommend the LFF helpline just for someone to talk to. Also it can be a very stressful and emotional time and take a toll on even the strongest toughest people's mental heath so please look out for therapy and counselling resources and your GP if you're struggling.
Sending lots of strength and virtual hugs. But just a heads up, unfortunately this process is very long and the outcomes for really similar scenarios can be very different. There's quite a big "unknown" element. Take it one day at a time. X
welcome to the club nobody wants to be in. Have you rang the helpline or looked at any of the support websites about what happens next? Usually the police leave the family and the person with an information letter. It's really important to take care of yourself first I'd highly recommend the LFF helpline just for someone to talk to. Also it can be a very stressful and emotional time and take a toll on even the strongest toughest people's mental heath so please look out for therapy and counselling resources and your GP if you're struggling.
Sending lots of strength and virtual hugs. But just a heads up, unfortunately this process is very long and the outcomes for really similar scenarios can be very different. There's quite a big "unknown" element. Take it one day at a time. X
Hi KTP,
I was in the same boat, and still have a foot in, my person is also my Dad. We are 6 months into a 4 year sentence, only to serve 1/3 as pled guilty at the first opportunity. It's the most awful club to be in but i PROMISE you, you are not alone and everything that you are feeling is normal and valid.
I can't even tell you when my dad had the knock, i know he kept it under wraps from me for a while, it was only when he was officially arrested i learned what for (well what i've been told/can figure out myself). He has never actually told me his charge and when he's spoke about it it's all wishy washy but i've accepted that I probably won't ever get a straight awnser, however you know your father better than most people.
I remember deactivating all social media and blocking a lot of people from my phone as i was nervous to see what people said etc or worried it was going to be reported on social media and the local paper, having panic attacks when going into town. Luckily it was never the case but that fear is still there a year on after the knock and is completely valid.
Only you can make the choice whether to support him and choose to stay in contact, and whatever you choose needs to be right for YOU. I toyed with the idea that my dad would be alone, isolated and would have no one but me which in a way forced my hand (i went to call the court appearances and sentencing alone). & unfortunately you will have people that will judge you for your choices whether you support or not but in all honesty this "news" will be old news to them soon, and they'll find something new to speak and gossip about.
I don't know the circumstances of your dads case but you'll be surprised the amount of support he may get, sometimes people make bad mistakes doesn't make them bad people and there is people in this world which will see past your dads crimes and know his character.
But as I add again, the choice whether to support and stay in contact is your choice and your choice alone, do not let anyone else influence that decision.
Im a message away, the storm will pass and brighter days will come I promise x
I was in the same boat, and still have a foot in, my person is also my Dad. We are 6 months into a 4 year sentence, only to serve 1/3 as pled guilty at the first opportunity. It's the most awful club to be in but i PROMISE you, you are not alone and everything that you are feeling is normal and valid.
I can't even tell you when my dad had the knock, i know he kept it under wraps from me for a while, it was only when he was officially arrested i learned what for (well what i've been told/can figure out myself). He has never actually told me his charge and when he's spoke about it it's all wishy washy but i've accepted that I probably won't ever get a straight awnser, however you know your father better than most people.
I remember deactivating all social media and blocking a lot of people from my phone as i was nervous to see what people said etc or worried it was going to be reported on social media and the local paper, having panic attacks when going into town. Luckily it was never the case but that fear is still there a year on after the knock and is completely valid.
Only you can make the choice whether to support him and choose to stay in contact, and whatever you choose needs to be right for YOU. I toyed with the idea that my dad would be alone, isolated and would have no one but me which in a way forced my hand (i went to call the court appearances and sentencing alone). & unfortunately you will have people that will judge you for your choices whether you support or not but in all honesty this "news" will be old news to them soon, and they'll find something new to speak and gossip about.
I don't know the circumstances of your dads case but you'll be surprised the amount of support he may get, sometimes people make bad mistakes doesn't make them bad people and there is people in this world which will see past your dads crimes and know his character.
But as I add again, the choice whether to support and stay in contact is your choice and your choice alone, do not let anyone else influence that decision.
Im a message away, the storm will pass and brighter days will come I promise x