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Thought I’d share our experience..

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Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

12 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2024 4:09pmReport post

Hi everyone - this is my first post. I thought I'd share our experience, as I don't see many posts from people with partners who have not admitted to the charges brought against them.

My current partner of 2 years was accused of IIOC on his mobile device, around 14 in total, and inciting on 2 occasions. He was charged back in 2020 from these issues around 2018, and the process is still on going.

When we started dating, very early on, he informed me of the charges. The whole CPS/court process has been an absolute nightmare to say the least.
The date for the trial has been changed 4 times in total now, and is set now for the next 2 weeks. The CPS have been put to proof, and were told to submit their expert witness evidence, with lots of additional questions to answer - they have yet again failed to meet their deadline, which now means they have their initial police report only, and no witnesses as they have all withdrawn. The witnesses never saw the person they are saying did this, just one reporting that she saw a FB image of a man with a wife and children - at the time, my current partner had none of the above.

I do have two children myself - social services have been very cautious and have not allowed him to spend any time with my children. They are both under a CIN plan and will be having an assessment at some point in the next 6 weeks.
He also had a daughter born after the charges were made in 2021. He's only allowed to see her once every 2 week for 3 hours, with a independent social worker supervising, paying for her time during each occasion, around £170. SS have also said that if this makes it to trial, even if found not guilty, he will still be under a plan with conditions likely in place as 'not guilty doesn't mean he hasn't done it' in their eyes.

He's had a call from the solicitors today with the CPS basically asking him if he will accept one of the charges so they can put him on the register, as they think and feel that he's unlikely to have a sentence.
Why, after 5 years of them postponing and having no real evidence, are they asking him to take a deal 2 weeks before this is due to go to court?! It's so infuriating. The whole process lost his relationship with his daughter from birth, we haven't been able to have a normal life and it's had an impact on our relationship, he's lost his career he loved, a wife he had married very shortly before the charges were bought in 2020, lost his home, and lost around £40k during this whole process.

I just needed to offload, and let others know you aren't alone. I see how much this has absolutely battered him, and how much pain it's caused.

L x

Webb89

Member since
July 2022

432 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2024 4:49pmReport post

Why would he admit a charge if he is not guilty? This could put him on the SOR and Shpo. Even a caution is a criminal record and a time on the SOR. They will have done this as they think they will lose the case.

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

12 posts

Posted Wed August 21, 2024 11:42pmReport post

Hey!

Yes, that's basically what the solicitor has said - they're trying to make him sweat and take something just so they can throw the book at him. It's been 5 years, he's never admitted to doing anything wrong and there's plenty he's said back which they haven't investigated or looked at... even someone else using his image that he used to work with as a profile image.

He's so down, trying to hold down a full time job with this all going on. He doesn't want to inform his employer due to the fear of losing another job when he hasn't actually been sentenced, but trying to get time off work due to stress is also causing more stress!

Thank you for your response, it's helpful that someone else can see how ridiculous this is!

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

12 posts

Posted Sun September 1, 2024 12:26pmReport post

One day to go.. so nervous and it's not even for me.
The anxiety and dread is unreal.

Crushed

Member since
July 2024

72 posts

Posted Mon September 2, 2024 10:50amReport post

Good luck for today, hope it goes okay xx

Buckets

Member since
October 2023

46 posts

Posted Mon September 2, 2024 6:02pmReport post

Hi stressed out,

I took found out from my partner early on the relationship he had been arrested was awaiting outcome for IIOC. He did admit that it was true that he had offended and the charges were a reflection of his offending. I chose to stay and have since 2017.

In hindsight I do wish I ran for the hills....but I believed in his remorse and saw he was working with LFF and other means for rehabilitation.

I am curious if it is your intention to stay with your partner if he is found guilty or he pleads guilty. It isn't clear to me in your post of he has ever admitted there is truth in the allegations.

I know I'm extremely rare, someone who meets someone after the arrest and then stayed in a relationship.

My partner too has children from a previous marriage and he has had no direct contact with them since 2017.

Not to put a downer on things, but many people in this situation down play their actions. Some are innocent or goes as no further action. But have you considered that maybe he is downplaying it all? I have told myself that if I find my partner has lied I would be gone. The evidence found matched his account of events and actions. What he did was horrendous, and I do not condone. But as far as I can tell he has been honest with me throughout our relationship on the matter of his offending.

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

12 posts

Posted Wed September 11, 2024 12:09amReport post

Hi Buckets,

To respond to your questions..

"I am curious if it is your intention to stay with your partner if he is found guilty or he pleads guilty. It isn't clear to me in your post of he has ever admitted there is truth in the allegations".

He categorically denies any of what they are saying he has done was him. He does have 14 IIOC A-C on his device, however, this all occurred through an online messaging platform, and there is no attribution to him via any of the names suggested.. simply the images present. There has been no identification of him by any witness, and they have all withdrawn.

I am not sure to answer your question - I don't think I will be able to continue on with our relationship, and I have made this clear to him and SS if he is found guilty.

"I know I'm extremely rare, someone who meets someone after the arrest and then stayed in a relationship".

I am in the same boat as you here...

"My partner too has children from a previous marriage and he has had no direct contact with them since 2017".

My partner also has a daughter, who he is seeing via an independent social worker he is paying for to spend time with his child.

"Not to put a downer on things, but many people in this situation down play their actions. Some are innocent or goes as no further action. But have you considered that maybe he is downplaying it all? I have told myself that if I find my partner has lied I would be gone. The evidence found matched his account of events and actions. What he did was horrendous, and I do not condone. But as far as I can tell he has been honest with me throughout our relationship on the matter of his offending".

I have deeply considered if the alleged offences could be true - however, he has shown me absolutely everything. Still to this day, I regularly check his devices to ensure I feel he is always telling me the truth. I have absolutely no evidence to suggest he is lying to me, and after sitting in court for the last week, is is apparent that he has been honest throughout with me with what CPS/the police are saying "he has done", and the flaws in their theories have become apparent.

I am never going to say it 100% wasn't something he did, as I cannot categorically say he hasn't - however, I can say it is extraordinarily unlikely from what I have heard/seen, so I do feel confident in saying that I feel I am not sure he did, which is something the jury have to also say. The jury will all have to be 'sure' it was him, before they can convict.

The trial is still ongoing, but is likely to finish in the next few days. I will post an update when it's all over.. hopefully, a good one.

x

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

12 posts

Posted Fri September 13, 2024 5:22pmReport post

Found guilty. Likely to be 10+ years due to the ages. Devastated for him.
Thought I'd update people, that there doesn't seem to be much you can do to try and fight for not guilty, you might as well go guilty and hope for a reduced sentence, as you're basically banged to rights no matter what you do.

LosingIt

Member since
September 2024

34 posts

Posted Fri September 13, 2024 7:57pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Fri September 27, 2024 1:18pm

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

12 posts

Posted Fri September 13, 2024 8:46pmReport post

He was also slammed with inciting, as there were images of conversations found.. however, no evidence of the communication platform being associated to him. I'm literally disgusted and distraught for him and all his family.

Holdingthegrenade

Member since
June 2024

105 posts

Posted Sun September 22, 2024 11:35amReport post

Ah stressed, that's a really long sentence for something that could easily have gone either way. I wonder if it's because many people who are in denial or try minimise say they didn't know or it wasn't them. I think if it looks like you they assume it is unless you can absolutely prove otherwise.

Hope you're doing ok after such a nasty shock.

Stressedoutlady92

Member since
August 2024

12 posts

Posted Fri September 27, 2024 6:00pmReport post

Well.. we thought it would be 10, but he's given him 7.

of which, he said he will do half, 3.5 years.



I don't know but wanted to see if anyone else knew if:

1) he could be released early for good behaviour etc

2) I've been told I might get in trouble for visiting alone, just because I have children.



Does anyone know if that sounds right at all?



Thank you x