Family and Friends Forum

Right here with you. My person is all wrapped up in the self improvement project triggered by his arrest, while I'm left spinning all the plates and trying to give me children a decent summer. Long bike rides? Evening addicts meetings and meditation sessions? Going to beer festivals and wholesome walks? He's got it all.
in the last fortnight I've started to slowly turn the dial towards Project Me, which means putting myself and my children at the forefront, taking the spotlight off him and his chaos. I had wonderful friends to visit yesterday, who inspired me and my girls to see a female-only family thriving and succeeding, and to see me being happy and laughing and optimistic. But today I'm back to feeling vertigo, though it might be the Prosecco as well as the enormous unrelenting pressure. I have no childcare til schools go back, as we were meant to be on our first overseas holiday right now.
so I can't go back to work til September, even if I was mentally well enough.
Rant away. You'll be heard and cuddled by us all xx

I keep thinking why us. It's almost a month since my 16yr old was arrested and bailed. GCSE results gave us a lift with straight As and above. Past few days I've managed not to google and scare myself more with the unknown.

He's constantly with me or my husband. Today all we did was play a game on PlayStation all day. Not exactly productive but kept our minds occupied.

No idea what's been accessed. All we know is he's had stuff accidently pop up when clicking links on pc and we know he's reported stuff. Praying nothing downloaded unknowingly and hoping fact he's reported items is a positive.

Just feels we get over one hurdle in life and then another comes along. Only thing this hit us like a tonne of bricks.

I am in the same boat. I am on my own now and only have childcare for work and it's hard. I am totally burnt out but I'm powering through each day and taking it day by day.

If you need to chat please message

I totally feel where you are coming from, the burnout of single parenting during the summer holidays is relentless. We've been invited to so many social events and gatherings/days out etc that I've had to turn down. We all can't go because I'm not allowed to supervise, so things I'd usually go to as a family I can't. He also has restrictions and has to keep away from other kids so that also excludes him from loads. Then the adult things/evening things I have to make excuses for why "we" can't go.

Like you guys have said....they can go off and do what they want; long walks in the country, beers down the pub with the guys, bike rides, therapy session on an evening etc. nope we have to scramble around trying to find supervision & babysitters and keep on top of All the CIN meetings with social services, therapists, capacity to protect assessments, random drop ins/checks with me and my child from SS and doing all the courses; it's is a full time job in itself never mind holding down a real job and childcare. My person has one hour meeting once a week at a sex addicts class and it's voluntary. It seems from this side that as usual: the lions share of all the hard and stressful stuff lands with mothers. All he has to do is keep his nose clean by following bail & keep away from kids; and be supervised with his own. It's really got me down these last few days. I hate having to spend time with my person because of the resentment but I also miss all those old happy times pre-knock. I just feel like I can't move on, its like I'm being haunted by my old life in having a constant reminder of what I had and what a mess it is now all rolled into one. I think I'm grieving. It's like the person I loved has gone but there's a stranger in their place who looks just like them and at times acts just like them....but the person I loved has gone. I lost them the second they did what they did online.

I feel you all. 18 months on its slightly easier but I still feel my ex gets to focus purely on himself whilst I spin all the plates. He has stopped working as he got struck off and has so much time for therapy, his appointments and even playing golf! Along with being a single parent I have to run my own business as I am so worried about money, when I would love time to myself to recover from the trauma he has caused me. I want somehow to help others like us who shoulder so much from our OH's actions. I find it totally frustrating that us mums have to take on so much, including supervising our OH with the children. Luckily in april we moved to unsupervised but until then I had to supervise contact. Being forced to spend time with the main who caused me so much pain had a profound effect on my mental health. It was just dreadful and I am still angry about it

I totally get this.. I left soon as knock came on door! Seems most on here choose to stay..



My ex has had therapy, constantly getting checked on etc



my children have gone through trauma, and myself.. but were left.. it's so wrong & makes me so angry!



I am years down the line but things still aren't any better for me or the children. Only good thing is he's been through court etc.



dont even get me started on having to do the contact - court suggested me doing it for my children's father.. like I want to spend time with him.. but my children are unaware as I won't bad mouth him infront of them..



I have lost so many friends and I couldn't keep up the lies, while he's made new ones

I feel bitter and resentful about what has been done to me.

But mymlife is starting to turn a corner and I can see a future - possibly a nice future - in front of me.

I'm.going to focus on my own happiness right now and try not to look back too much.

Hi



Yep I feel you all. I exploded last week so he's giving me space - probably too afraid to come over lol. I've been very angry at him for what he's done snd the crushing consequences. I feel like I have to sort everything- everything around our child, the house and chores, our finances and trying to figure out ways to save money in case he looses his job, the guilt of not being able to provide a fun summer plus the worry when I leave our child (teen) when I go to work while he works, and works on himself. I know he is anxious and regretful but like you all I feel like I'm carrying the can. I've not told my friends as they're mostly mum friends and I don't want this getting out for my child's sake so I feel like I'm living a double life. Also today I'm going to a wedding which is lovely for my friend. All the people that i know at the wedding know my situation and I know that they feel sorry for me. The combination of the pity and being by myself and celebrating a lovely couple brings up a lot of difficult feelings which I then feel bad about because I really am so very happy for my friend. So yes I feel incredibly sad, angry and resentful to be on this awful journey that I did not choose.

Sending virtual hugs to everyone.

Oh Hycinth I hope you can enjoy the day a little. Being around people who know will be good, and I'm sure people will want to hold your pain with you and make you feel safe, even just for the day. Sending a hug xx

I totally get that feeling, sending you a virtual hug!



I don't speak to my ex now unless it's in regards to the children, I won't ever 'move on' but it's the way he acted, like the whole world was against him when I had to deal with a lot too! It's all so selfish, and only focused on how he's suffering despite HIM bringing this all on himself. I have very little sympathy for him! I know I sound so harsh? But he completely turned my and the kids world upside down. I still have so much anger! X