What to do with my husband's depression
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We had the knock a out 6 weeks ago. 4 ooficers turned up at 6am with a search warrant. They checked our mobiles and laptops, PC on the spot and didn't take any of them. Our external hard drive was big so that was seized.
I was told our IP address was used to access indecent images during a short individual interview on the day. My husband was briefly interviewed and he told the police he sometimes used P2P sites for movies but nothing sexual in nature.
Then he had a voluntary interview under caution about 2 weeks ago. He said he'd need no lawyer cause he had nothing to hide and was gonna answer all questions honestly. I read some posts here and insisted him on getting a lawyer so eventually he did.
He looked completely fine on the day of knock but gradually got quieter and quieter. Now 1 week after the V I interview, he almost stopped talking or eating. He only eats because I refuse to eat myself unless he eats. So both of us have lost some weight. He often lies on the sofa with his face in hands, crying. He took 2 weeks off from work he loved and today emailed his resignation. He is a sole earner at the moment and he's always responsible.
I think he's depressed but I can't talk him to get help. The thing is I don't think he's guilty at all. The police disclosed what they had on us in the interview and it was an alert from our ISP provider. No images found so far. They said the access was made at 6 am on a weekend in March. He doesn't even get up at 6. And technically I am as suspicious as he is in this as the IP address is shared between us. So I don't think it's his guilt is the cause of his depression.
This is really frustrating as there's nothing I can do to help him. I keep telling him I'll be with him always. But there's nothing else. I think I'm gonna call my GP but my husband wouldn't talk to anyone. My family lives abroad and all I have here is him. What should I do? Is there anyone having gone through the similar situation?
I was told our IP address was used to access indecent images during a short individual interview on the day. My husband was briefly interviewed and he told the police he sometimes used P2P sites for movies but nothing sexual in nature.
Then he had a voluntary interview under caution about 2 weeks ago. He said he'd need no lawyer cause he had nothing to hide and was gonna answer all questions honestly. I read some posts here and insisted him on getting a lawyer so eventually he did.
He looked completely fine on the day of knock but gradually got quieter and quieter. Now 1 week after the V I interview, he almost stopped talking or eating. He only eats because I refuse to eat myself unless he eats. So both of us have lost some weight. He often lies on the sofa with his face in hands, crying. He took 2 weeks off from work he loved and today emailed his resignation. He is a sole earner at the moment and he's always responsible.
I think he's depressed but I can't talk him to get help. The thing is I don't think he's guilty at all. The police disclosed what they had on us in the interview and it was an alert from our ISP provider. No images found so far. They said the access was made at 6 am on a weekend in March. He doesn't even get up at 6. And technically I am as suspicious as he is in this as the IP address is shared between us. So I don't think it's his guilt is the cause of his depression.
This is really frustrating as there's nothing I can do to help him. I keep telling him I'll be with him always. But there's nothing else. I think I'm gonna call my GP but my husband wouldn't talk to anyone. My family lives abroad and all I have here is him. What should I do? Is there anyone having gone through the similar situation?
Hi Sony
ao sorry you find yourself here. Has he reached out to the helpline? They're really good, so understanding and knowledgeable. Or possibly Samaritans just so he has someone to talk to? I would definitely check with your GP to see if there is anything they can help with or if there is a self referral for mental health support.
sending a giant hug. Many will have experienced very similar. I had also lost weight and lots of sleep, but you have to stay strong and healthy because you can't help others if you're falling apart....what's that phrase "you can't pour from an empty cup".
Its a very strange and often scary place to be in but please feel free to reach out to us on the forum for support, you won't be alone.
sending strength
ao sorry you find yourself here. Has he reached out to the helpline? They're really good, so understanding and knowledgeable. Or possibly Samaritans just so he has someone to talk to? I would definitely check with your GP to see if there is anything they can help with or if there is a self referral for mental health support.
sending a giant hug. Many will have experienced very similar. I had also lost weight and lots of sleep, but you have to stay strong and healthy because you can't help others if you're falling apart....what's that phrase "you can't pour from an empty cup".
Its a very strange and often scary place to be in but please feel free to reach out to us on the forum for support, you won't be alone.
sending strength
My partner to suffers from depression. After the knock 2 years ago been in his thoughts 24/7
cant sleep can't eat. It's the hardest time in our 18yrs together. They found 19 on his phone. Downloaded but mixed in with a file. He had no idea was there.
we have lost our best friends was published in the paper spread all over fbook. Stayed up all night thinking out windows will be put throu. Been a month and heard one person walk by shouting pedo. But even this we want to tell the story feel the same way we can't. I go out and my children do people may know who we are but nothing sai to our faces. Life is very very hard. He has lost his job and feels he can't even cut the grass. He wants to stay low to give them more time to forget. This is my family home and we have spend money and lots of man hours on it. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. All the hope we had didn't come true. I wish I could fast forward a year to see if it gets better
cant sleep can't eat. It's the hardest time in our 18yrs together. They found 19 on his phone. Downloaded but mixed in with a file. He had no idea was there.
we have lost our best friends was published in the paper spread all over fbook. Stayed up all night thinking out windows will be put throu. Been a month and heard one person walk by shouting pedo. But even this we want to tell the story feel the same way we can't. I go out and my children do people may know who we are but nothing sai to our faces. Life is very very hard. He has lost his job and feels he can't even cut the grass. He wants to stay low to give them more time to forget. This is my family home and we have spend money and lots of man hours on it. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. All the hope we had didn't come true. I wish I could fast forward a year to see if it gets better
Sony, I'm so sorry you find yourself here. It must be so difficult seeing your husband struggling and knowing he needs help when all he wants to do is hide away wishing he could just disappear.
Dont worry too much about meals, just try to encourage him to eat little and often. At the moment you're both going through a traumatic experience but in time your appetites will return and if you're anything like me and my son, you'll end up putting all the weight back on plus extra weight too.
If your husband is hiding away because he feels unable to face anyone, try encouraging him to going out to quiet places for walks. The exercise will help and getting him to leave the home will gradually get easier.
You're doing the right thing in contacting your GP as you need to look after yourself as well as looking after your husband. Would your husband agree to having a joint appointment with you or would he agree to a telephone appointment?
If you haven't already done so I also recommend contacting the LFF helpline for support.
Keep reaching out on here as we're here to support you in these difficult days.
Dont worry too much about meals, just try to encourage him to eat little and often. At the moment you're both going through a traumatic experience but in time your appetites will return and if you're anything like me and my son, you'll end up putting all the weight back on plus extra weight too.
If your husband is hiding away because he feels unable to face anyone, try encouraging him to going out to quiet places for walks. The exercise will help and getting him to leave the home will gradually get easier.
You're doing the right thing in contacting your GP as you need to look after yourself as well as looking after your husband. Would your husband agree to having a joint appointment with you or would he agree to a telephone appointment?
If you haven't already done so I also recommend contacting the LFF helpline for support.
Keep reaching out on here as we're here to support you in these difficult days.
Help, things will get easier but it does take time. After my sons sentencing and media exposure he felt he'd never be able to leave the house again. It's been gradual steps from walking up the road at night to walking around the block at night, to stepping in to a shop to walking around the shop and then eventually to going into the shopping and buying something.
We are now 11 months after sentencing and whilst there are still many places my son wouldn't go to the number of places he will now go to has increased significantly and life has definately improved.
We are now 11 months after sentencing and whilst there are still many places my son wouldn't go to the number of places he will now go to has increased significantly and life has definately improved.
Hi we are 2.5 years post knock after the initial arrest my husband was contemplating suicide he made a plan of what he was going to do .i contacted the crisis team and they put him intouch with LFF he had a course of councilling which did help . Then 3 month ago he was further arrested after more images were found on tablet after forensic assessment he actually left the house and went to buy razor blades to commit suicide luckily my daughter tracked him down in his car and brought him home after a lot of talking he is ok at the minute but we have court next week so I'm worried as to how things will go . But I defo think if you ring crisis team you will beable to get some help and be pointed in the right direction xx