Can anyone relate?
Notifications OFF
I am a mum to little ones, I have stayed with my OH and we experienced media (the paper and social media)
I am stuck at a point of carrying on as normal and knowing that my life will never return to my 'old normal' and I'm trying to accept where I'm at, I don't think it will get any better than what it is now. I don't like this place, I don't like who I am and what people think of me. I hate being associated with this. I'm overall lonely, unhappy and a bit numb.
I've lost all hope and trust in people, I look at other women my age, with young kids and wonder, would you turn your back on your own friend if she was in my shoes? Or, how would you feel if you were treated the same as me?
I've done what is best for my kids, ripping them away from there otherwise amazing dad would be unfair and hurt us all even more. I don't know how I can forever live with the judgement though.
I am stuck at a point of carrying on as normal and knowing that my life will never return to my 'old normal' and I'm trying to accept where I'm at, I don't think it will get any better than what it is now. I don't like this place, I don't like who I am and what people think of me. I hate being associated with this. I'm overall lonely, unhappy and a bit numb.
I've lost all hope and trust in people, I look at other women my age, with young kids and wonder, would you turn your back on your own friend if she was in my shoes? Or, how would you feel if you were treated the same as me?
I've done what is best for my kids, ripping them away from there otherwise amazing dad would be unfair and hurt us all even more. I don't know how I can forever live with the judgement though.
Hi, I am so sorry you're left feeling like this, it's a sad and lonely journey we travel. I'm in a different position to you as I'm here because of my son but I feel your pain.
We are now 11 months post sentencing and like your OH my sons story was in the paper and on social media.
My son moved back in with me on the night of his arrest and remains living with me now. I make no secret of the fact that I stand by and support him. Friends who wanted to walk away have done so but over the past year we've made a few new friends. I choose to be upfront and honest with people I think may feature in our lives, friends new partners or new family members, and then let them choose how they want to react.
I too have lost trust in some of the people I thought I could trust and have grieved for friendships that have ended. I now try to focus on being a good friend to people I once wouldn't have found the time for and find this far more rewarding than some of the friendships I previously had.
Life will get better, in time you'll meet new people who are willing to accept you for the person you are. Life won't return to what it was but gradually you'll start to notice the good times again.
We are now 11 months post sentencing and like your OH my sons story was in the paper and on social media.
My son moved back in with me on the night of his arrest and remains living with me now. I make no secret of the fact that I stand by and support him. Friends who wanted to walk away have done so but over the past year we've made a few new friends. I choose to be upfront and honest with people I think may feature in our lives, friends new partners or new family members, and then let them choose how they want to react.
I too have lost trust in some of the people I thought I could trust and have grieved for friendships that have ended. I now try to focus on being a good friend to people I once wouldn't have found the time for and find this far more rewarding than some of the friendships I previously had.
Life will get better, in time you'll meet new people who are willing to accept you for the person you are. Life won't return to what it was but gradually you'll start to notice the good times again.
Ocean I hope you not mind me talking to you I am standing by my adult son, he is in court in september.I am so worried about his sentence what everyone thinks how much my son's life will chage. How did you cope with all this. My son is not bad he has had a bad few years and is a alcoholic, but I will be there every step of the way with him but I am so worried about everything. Thanks for listening.
Mumintears, I've sent you a personal message.
completely relate , it shattered my families lives and to think in our small village where we've stayed all of our loves people could do what they did to us , social media is the worst for it I'm not going to sugar coat my feelings because quite frankly I'm traumatised even though it's nearly a year after it all blew up I'm so gutted with people I once loved irs stolen a massive part of my life , I'm resentful, bitter at times , sad , grieving , I'm such an empath I feel everyone's pain and I cannot shake it off I don't want to be medicated I need to be present and feel this pain accept it and learn to live qith this new life , because I love my family member so much who isn't even my son I'm lost with them and I'm struggling , I'm still working still have friends and some family but people have hurt me so deeply without even asking questions..its a horrible road and I know if I'm feeling this then my young family member is feeling it ten fold he's such a loving caring person I juat hope for a better future for him but I have a heavy heart every day and I cannot shake it off and going through my own personal troubles in my own private life feel like everything's beinf ripped away I'm saying qhat have I done in life to deserve this but then we all feel this way as will victims of these crimes I dont take that thought away either ..much love to you all xz
I count myself lucky that my kids were adults when this happened - I cannot imagine the extra turmoil having young children must bring in this shit show we find ourselves in. I suppose it made it slightly easier to walk away. I won't lie - I felt so lost for a long time.
Still so much to do to get out of this long relationship and start again on my own.
I took have thrown myself into volunteering and helping others - it fills the time and yes it does make me feel better about myself.
I can now see a future and for the first time feel the first shoots if happiness. They may be fleeting but they are there.
Wishing you all the best but remember everyone on here is there for you - for that I will always be grateful
Still so much to do to get out of this long relationship and start again on my own.
I took have thrown myself into volunteering and helping others - it fills the time and yes it does make me feel better about myself.
I can now see a future and for the first time feel the first shoots if happiness. They may be fleeting but they are there.
Wishing you all the best but remember everyone on here is there for you - for that I will always be grateful
Ocean I wish I had the same outlook on it all, I don't even accept myself so I don't know how other people will accept me.
I expect that I will always be on the outside of everything, never fully included or welcome and I'm struggling so much with the thoughts I have. Being ignored is really hard to deal with, I feel rejected all the time.
Thank you ladies x
I expect that I will always be on the outside of everything, never fully included or welcome and I'm struggling so much with the thoughts I have. Being ignored is really hard to deal with, I feel rejected all the time.
Thank you ladies x
Oh AlwaysHopeful, how I feel for you. I've been in that place when it seemed impossible to imagine how I could ever smile again. I too have felt on the outside of everything worrying about what everyone thought of me.
I'm fortunate in that there is great organisation where I live for mental well being. After my sons sentencing and media exposure I decided to engage with the service and now have life long membership which means I can dip in and out if it as I feel the need. The outlook I now have didn't just happen for me. I've had to work hard to get to the place I'm at and am mindful that I'll probably have to continue working on it for the foreseeable future.
I agree that being ignored is horrible. No one deserves to be treated like, it's cruel and says far more about the other people than it does about you. My suggestion for now is to think of one reaistic thing you'd like to achieve during this next week and work towards that. I also recommend looking around your local area to see what well being services you have available to you.
I'm here for you if I can help so please keep reaching out.
I'm fortunate in that there is great organisation where I live for mental well being. After my sons sentencing and media exposure I decided to engage with the service and now have life long membership which means I can dip in and out if it as I feel the need. The outlook I now have didn't just happen for me. I've had to work hard to get to the place I'm at and am mindful that I'll probably have to continue working on it for the foreseeable future.
I agree that being ignored is horrible. No one deserves to be treated like, it's cruel and says far more about the other people than it does about you. My suggestion for now is to think of one reaistic thing you'd like to achieve during this next week and work towards that. I also recommend looking around your local area to see what well being services you have available to you.
I'm here for you if I can help so please keep reaching out.
Always x
Try to remember how absolutely amazing you are, you navigate a small family and have the pressure of this journey weight on your shoulders,
We cannot control people's opinions or if they choose to support or walk away
Focus on what you can control, it is your choice and only yours if you want to build on your relationship with you OH ,
By staying does not mean you condone what he has done, but he is working on himself and that is so important
We are all here for you to just be there to listen and let you know you are not alone xx
Try to remember how absolutely amazing you are, you navigate a small family and have the pressure of this journey weight on your shoulders,
We cannot control people's opinions or if they choose to support or walk away
Focus on what you can control, it is your choice and only yours if you want to build on your relationship with you OH ,
By staying does not mean you condone what he has done, but he is working on himself and that is so important
We are all here for you to just be there to listen and let you know you are not alone xx