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Addiction meetings - S-Anon

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LisaMargeMaggie

Member since
July 2024

194 posts

Morning all!

Has anyone attended S-Anon meetings, for families/friends affected by sex addiction? Was it helpful?

Posted Tue August 27, 2024 9:29amReport post

Holdingthegrenade

Member since
June 2024

201 posts

My person has been attending these meetings. They have said they are helpful as it focuses on the harm and damage porn and online porn can cause and how it changes your behaviour. It sounds very similar to the AA 12-step process where the participants share techniques to prevent the unacceptable behaviours, abstinence and support they also reflect on how they became to be where they are and ways to avoid going down those roads. I think it would be helpful for those who started off looking at legal porn before they came to offend. I haven't attended any. I very much get the impression that it's almost entirely men who attend and the offenders or those with the problem rather than their families.

Posted Tue August 27, 2024 10:55amReport post

LisaMargeMaggie

Member since
July 2024

194 posts

Thank you. S-Anon is separate to SAA, which my person attends. S-Anon is solely for people other than addicts. I'd never heard of it until I started listening to various audiobooks and my person sent me a link.

Posted Tue August 27, 2024 11:01amReport post

Ocean

Member since
September 2023

933 posts

I haven't heard of it but would be interested in attending meetings if they were on line. I don't believe there is anything like that in my local area so face to face meetings wouldn't be an option for me.

Posted Tue August 27, 2024 8:23pmReport post

LisaMargeMaggie

Member since
July 2024

194 posts

Hi Ocean, I emailed one of the group leaders of the virtual meetings here https://s-anonuk.org/update-online-meetings

and was sent a lovely welcome email with meeting IDs and passcodes for all their zoom meetings throughout the week. There are 10 to choose from. I'm yet to decide which one, as I can't see how I'll fit it in til kids are back at school. There are lunchtime and evening ones; I think lunchtime would work with my working hours...

Posted Tue August 27, 2024 9:40pmReport post

Ocean

Member since
September 2023

933 posts

Hi Lisa, thank you so much for sharing the link with me. I'll make contact with them this week.

Posted Tue August 27, 2024 10:04pm
Edited Tue August 27, 2024 10:04pmReport post

PrairieMom

Member since
May 2024

120 posts

I have been attending s-anon for about 8 months now. It seems to be much more common in North America where I live. I've even found a focus group on Wednesday nights that is specifically for people with legal issues. Unfortunately, that would probably be in the middle of the night in the UK. I hope you have as good an experience as I've had.

Posted Tue August 27, 2024 10:38pmReport post

LisaMargeMaggie

Member since
July 2024

194 posts

Thanks PrairieMom. May I ask if your person is your partner? If so are you currently together?
I'm slowly starting to remember the good things about my person but there's an awful lot of anger and resentment, which I know will get worse again once the legal process picks up pace next year or whatever. It's so hard holding alll these conflicting emotions and feelings at once. I hope it helps with that.
I get a LOT of advice from friends which sounds incredibly straightforward and obvious, but it's bloody exhausting too. I just want to be heard and understood.

Posted Wed August 28, 2024 7:14amReport post

PrairieMom

Member since
May 2024

120 posts

Hello LisaMargeMaggie,

My person is my husband and we are still together, although he sleeps at his parents house. We had a lovely marriage before this and I really thought we were so lucky. I was blindsided by the knock 13 months ago. My husband's actions have broken me into a million pieces.

S-anon is not just for partners who stay. There are many women in my group who are divorced. Unfortunately they are still impacted and benefit from the support. There are mothers as well. For me, I am determined to work on myself so that I can be who I want to be, whether I stay in my marriage or not.

My husband is doing and saying all the right things. I truly believe he has a sex addiction, that he is remorseful, and that he is committed to a lifelong membership in his 12 step program. He is working with a really good psychologist to understand his pathway to offending and develop healthier coping strategies. Where we live, a custodial sentence will be almost certain. I am now preparing for that phase.

I have found the forum to be pretty hard to read lately. There seems to be so much hopelessness. Hopefully you can read this and know there are still many of us working on keeping our families together.

Posted Wed August 28, 2024 7:38pmReport post

LisaMargeMaggie

Member since
July 2024

194 posts

Thanks PrairieMom. My person is my husband too. The last week has seen huge shifts in his behaviour and demeanour, which I find very encouraging. I know there's a long road ahead but he's doing therapy, SAA and really digging down to find the source of this awful behaviour.
Do you have children? I do. I thought we had a good life but in hindsight I'm seeing the signs of him retreating into himself over recent years. I'm worried about custodial too.

Posted Wed August 28, 2024 7:49pmReport post

PrairieMom

Member since
May 2024

120 posts

Yes, I have an adult daughter and two boys (pre-teen/early teen).

Posted Wed August 28, 2024 9:04pmReport post

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