I'm struggling
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It's taken me a long time to get to this point but I'm really struggling with it all.
My partner of 9 years was arrested nearly 16 months ago for a whole host of offences, all of which he denied he had ever committed to me.
Fast forward 5 months and we were due to go on our dream holiday. 2 days before we set off, he was called in for a further interview, he told me it was to go over the details of the offence again and nothing happened. We went on holiday and all was fine.
Fast forward to May 2024 and I was in our spare room looking for some paperwork. I came across his police paperwork and discovered on his reasons for further bail, the police had written they had 'found evidence on his phone' and he was further interviewed about this in October 2023. I called the officer in charge, who told me they had found around 50 images on his phone and confirmed he was interviewed about this in October. She also advised me she had a call with him on the Friday just gone to let him know the case was now with CPS.
I went absolutely mad at him for lying to me, and up until this point I was categorically certain he was telling me the truth, as he had promised me. I asked him to tell me the complete truth and he said he accidentally downloaded some images, when he realised what they were he deleted them straight away (he wasn't even initially arrested for this offence), the original arrest was something to do with Kik, which he told me he has never used. What also annoyed me was that 2 days prior to my phone call with the officer in charge and finding out the case was with the CPS, we have both committed to spending around £2000 on another holiday in October. He knew at this point the case was with CPS but didn't tell me. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose or upset me. I would absolutely not have booked this holiday had I have known the case was with CPS, as I was so sure before this he was telling me the truth.
Following this, we split up for a couple of weeks, but he swore to me he has told me the complete truth and has nothing else to hide. He also went through his work to gain access to counselling. We ended up back together and are now at a point whereby he hasn't actually accessed any of the counselling he was offered (I honestly believe he said he would do it just to please me) and I am just really struggling with it all. We can't really plan ahead because we don't know what's in the future and I honestly don't want to waste any more money on anything we won't be able to do. He won't talk to me about anything to do with the case unless I push him to. I really have a gut feeling he is hiding more things from me. If it is as simple as them finding 50 images on his phone which he instantly deleted, I don't know why the CPS are taking so long. This is causing me to keep my distance a bit, I'm trying to protect myself in case he does get charged (as it will be over then) and I won't have much to lose.
I guess I'm just after some advice really, that I'm not being crazy and unreasonable and also not a total lunatic for staying with him all this time.
Thanks.
My partner of 9 years was arrested nearly 16 months ago for a whole host of offences, all of which he denied he had ever committed to me.
Fast forward 5 months and we were due to go on our dream holiday. 2 days before we set off, he was called in for a further interview, he told me it was to go over the details of the offence again and nothing happened. We went on holiday and all was fine.
Fast forward to May 2024 and I was in our spare room looking for some paperwork. I came across his police paperwork and discovered on his reasons for further bail, the police had written they had 'found evidence on his phone' and he was further interviewed about this in October 2023. I called the officer in charge, who told me they had found around 50 images on his phone and confirmed he was interviewed about this in October. She also advised me she had a call with him on the Friday just gone to let him know the case was now with CPS.
I went absolutely mad at him for lying to me, and up until this point I was categorically certain he was telling me the truth, as he had promised me. I asked him to tell me the complete truth and he said he accidentally downloaded some images, when he realised what they were he deleted them straight away (he wasn't even initially arrested for this offence), the original arrest was something to do with Kik, which he told me he has never used. What also annoyed me was that 2 days prior to my phone call with the officer in charge and finding out the case was with the CPS, we have both committed to spending around £2000 on another holiday in October. He knew at this point the case was with CPS but didn't tell me. He said he didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose or upset me. I would absolutely not have booked this holiday had I have known the case was with CPS, as I was so sure before this he was telling me the truth.
Following this, we split up for a couple of weeks, but he swore to me he has told me the complete truth and has nothing else to hide. He also went through his work to gain access to counselling. We ended up back together and are now at a point whereby he hasn't actually accessed any of the counselling he was offered (I honestly believe he said he would do it just to please me) and I am just really struggling with it all. We can't really plan ahead because we don't know what's in the future and I honestly don't want to waste any more money on anything we won't be able to do. He won't talk to me about anything to do with the case unless I push him to. I really have a gut feeling he is hiding more things from me. If it is as simple as them finding 50 images on his phone which he instantly deleted, I don't know why the CPS are taking so long. This is causing me to keep my distance a bit, I'm trying to protect myself in case he does get charged (as it will be over then) and I won't have much to lose.
I guess I'm just after some advice really, that I'm not being crazy and unreasonable and also not a total lunatic for staying with him all this time.
Thanks.
I can totally understand staying in situations where there's been complete honesty from the start and a determined effort to seek help, but he's now lied to you in a fairly serious and sustained way and isn't making any attempt to access support, despite saying he would.
IF he's telling the truth (it sounds very similar to my OH's claims - the forensics aren't back in his case), deletion isn't a get out of jail free card by any means (its very complicated!). OH has got a specialist solicitor and they intend to get their own independent forensics analysis. He's given me full disclosure with the solicitor, which your partner could also do (likewise police). I think realistically you have to brace yourself for it going to Crown Court, and for more to come out in court. I know thats very hard to wra your head around and really upsetting.